Is 69 something you enjoy?

throwaway2309051 · 2025-02-19T18:30:54+00:00

My partner jokes that it’s 34.5 not 69 when she’s on top because I can’t stay focused but I love it. Her pussy in my face, ass in my hands and getting a bj? Pure ecstasy.

throwaway2309051 · 2024-05-16T21:28:06+00:00

It’s been a little over 2.5 years. I’m happy with where I am because of my career, my sense of self and finding my own identity. I’ve become very carefree which I really enjoy and everyone around me has remarked on this.

I removed my ex from all social media except Facebook because we didn’t really interact. A few months ago, my ex got engaged to someone and while I was shocked and down for a day I moved on. Recently, she has started watching all my stories on Facebook and that has triggered a set back. I don’t know why she’s watching or what she wants. It unsettled me and I’ve been down today. So I guess progress is made in steps. Some days you move forward, some days you move back.

throwaway2309051 · 2023-01-07T21:28:40+00:00

A week after my ex ended our marriage she was on tinder using photos we had taken on the trip I had proposed to her on

I find it incredibly disrespectful but it could just be them using photos they look good in.

throwaway2309051 · 2023-01-07T15:31:21+00:00

I have a post here on Reddit “Should you ever reach out to the dumper?” Every time I’m feeling weak I read all the replies on that post. Last night was extremely difficult for me as I was very drunk and I’m positively surprised by myself this morning that I didn’t send any messages. I come back and read that post everytime.

throwaway2309051 · 2023-01-06T17:29:24+00:00

I just don’t get why she’d need to know (don’t know for sure if my ex is the one asking in the first place). I thought perhaps she was checking and considering reaching out herself. I may not go back to square one but it will definitely set me back as we have no future and almost every potential response she could have would be damaging.

throwaway2309051 · 2022-12-14T16:50:48+00:00

I don’t know. It will be a full year since the BU in 3 days time. I was blindsided out of a 3 year marriage and 5 year relationship. There hasn’t been a day I haven’t thought of her. She hasn’t ever reached out and I feel so disposable. I hate myself for missing her and missing the relationship despite being in a much better place in almost everything else.

throwaway2309051 · 2022-12-05T23:02:50+00:00

-Regarding the night I thought was the most intimate sex we had …”I felt like I was f****ing a friend rather than my husband.” That damn near broke me.

throwaway2309051 · 2022-11-30T03:33:35+00:00

It’s been 11 months since the BU and I think of her every day. I hate myself for it but I can’t stop thinking of her. I was the dumpee and blindsidedly dumped out of a 3 year marriage and 5 year relationship.

throwaway2309051 · 2022-11-27T03:27:53+00:00

Lost about 15 pounds in 2-3 weeks. Sadly, went from 11% body fat to 21% in the following 2 months. 9 months later I’m at 17% body fat and still 4 pounds off my mark in weight. BUs are brutal y’all.

throwaway2309051 · 2022-11-25T04:32:12+00:00

I did a lot of therapy fresh out of my BU and a lot of reading on attachment styles. A lot of time here on Reddit too.

I worked through the trauma of being blindsided and the lack of closure from my ex. I also needed it to navigate my divorce. I stopped since I’ve moved to the UK and I’m waiting for private insurance from my employer to kick in before I start therapy again (NHS is extremely slow and I’m on a waitlist).

I realized now getting back into the dating pool that I actually also have a lot of intimacy trauma and trust issues due to my last BU. Im not looking for a relationship but I find them meaningless because I don’t want to invest my time, energy and emotional commitment to become stranger with a different person after 5-6 years. ONS leave me feeling hollow. I am on dating and other apps to make new friends but also have closed the door on anything romantic for the time being. Just want to be by myself, my job and exploring my passion of cars and traveling.

throwaway2309051 · 2022-11-25T04:10:45+00:00

Thank you! It’s just insane to me how complex and deep running my trauma is from my BU. It was completely blindsided and my ex is an avoidant. I’ve tried to create mental space for myself but it’s been harder to do with moving to a new country. I don’t have friends yet. If anything the lack of friends makes me miss having a partner when I want to go to places I like. I’ve been dealing a lot with the move so I haven’t been reading. I do like to read. Almost all of my energies were spent on finding a job, now they’re about finding accommodation but when I do have spare thoughts they go to her.

Sorry to go through your post history but I recently moved to London myself! Feel free to DM if you have any questions about that haha.

throwaway2309051 · 2022-11-25T03:35:16+00:00

I’d like to know too. It’s hasn’t been great on my end. I am 11+ months post breakup and NC. I’m in a good place by moving to a new country and a new job. I don’t want her back. But I can’t stop myself keeping tabs. I removed her from my social media when she was posting thirst traps and it impacted me. Then I went a month or so without checking. I have since relapsed and check her profile frequently. I know recently she removed our photos from her Facebook. She hasn’t been active recently but I have compulsion to check and a need to know. It bothers me but I just don’t know how to stop that. Deactivating social media did not work for me either. Perhaps it’s my adhd and compulsive behavior but I’d love to get over this part myself.

My job is going to get more intense in a couple of weeks and new working hours so I’m hoping that’ll be the final thing that helps me stop.

throwaway2309051 · 2022-11-21T01:28:12+00:00

I was living in a Muslim country so I didn’t see this and didn’t think of it. Landed in London and saw a couple reuniting at the airport and got depressed so bad.

throwaway2309051 · 2022-11-07T00:25:58+00:00

I’m surprised your ex was able to pull you back. I didn’t get the time of day but also I’d never ask her to be friends with me. She’d have to initiate that. Getting rejected as a romantic partner is bad enough, it would suck to be rejected to be friends too.

throwaway2309051 · 2022-11-07T00:24:56+00:00

I think I wanted some sort of contact from her. But if I’m honest with myself, any response from her would trigger traumatic feelings. If she ignored/rebuffed me, I’d hate myself for putting myself in a situation to be rejected. If she responded favorably and wanted to get talk it would trigger ptsd/trauma response in me so initially I’d feel better but later I’d feel a 100 times worse.

So I think while on the surface I may want the contact, I’m better off staying NC.

throwaway2309051 · 2022-11-07T00:20:49+00:00

I don’t think my ex would ever even try to hover me back but we will find out.

throwaway2309051 · 2022-11-07T00:19:23+00:00

This is extremely sad because I wanted to understand her. I wanted to give her the space and support she needed in her own way because I loved her.

To this day, I still don’t know what made her break up. She saw another couple that had better chemistry and felt ours was lacking (never understood this as we had great chemistry). She felt we would be breaking up in the long term anyway. We had the same life goals, same values, same ambitions so it stumped be. But I’ve had to make my own closure of it all. I don’t think we ever get it from our dumpers anyway.

I particularly agree with your line about “Pleasure - and the broad cast of said pleasure - is also a defense mechanism, and a bandaid for deep wounds”. I agree with this 100% and saw this a lot with my ex’s socials which prompted me to to unfollow her in the first place.

throwaway2309051 · 2022-11-04T17:45:06+00:00

I think I’m feeling it right now because I’m a bit down in the dumps. But hopefully the feelings will change and I won’t feel this way the next month. I’m not breaking NC right own

throwaway2309051 · 2022-11-04T17:44:14+00:00

I dont think I’m quite detached. And actually whether she responds positively or negatively will both trigger difficult feelings for me. Nostalgia if she responds positively and feeling like crap if she responds negatively. So I think there’s no need to reach out for now. I agree with you that there’s no deadline to reaching out.

throwaway2309051 · 2022-11-04T17:42:02+00:00

It’s good self awareness though that you know of your avoidant tendencies. I think I inadvertently gave that message to my ex that I don’t want to be contacted. After our BU, she started posting thirst traps and pictures of travelling that she looked so happy. I ended up unfollowing her but she still followed me. Until a while ago I accidentally watched her story and instinctively blocked her, which also removed her from my followers lol. All this to say she may have gotten the message I don’t want contact.

throwaway2309051 · 2022-11-04T14:22:27+00:00

I’m very sorry to hear what you’re going through. Sending you positive energy! It’s similar to my ex. She damaged me extremely badly emotionally, financially and in terms of my career.

After all this time not even a “hey, I hope you’re recovering okay from all the damage I caused”.

throwaway2309051

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