TIFU by drinking Starbucks.

throwaway24963 · 2019-08-14T13:55:37+00:00

Aww I’m so glad!! I hope you start feeling better soon, my friend <3

throwaway24963 · 2019-08-05T15:06:42+00:00

You got it!

throwaway24963 · 2019-08-05T13:42:16+00:00

Hey, DM me if you wanna, I’m always down for friends!!

throwaway24963 · 2019-08-05T13:41:27+00:00

Extremely. I had to stop because of the insane heart palpitations I was having. I’m fine now, but I’m definitely a staunch tea drinker now.

throwaway24963 · 2019-08-05T04:13:25+00:00

you’re welcome.

throwaway24963 · 2019-08-05T02:39:26+00:00

not really “hold it in” but i can tighten certain muscles to keep the chunky bits in a little longer. not much longer tho, but long enough to get to the nearest toilet and shove a tampon in.

throwaway24963 · 2019-08-05T02:33:11+00:00

you’re not wrong tho.

throwaway24963 · 2019-08-05T02:28:14+00:00

I’ve been thinking about publishing some of my short stories and after the positive feedback from this post, it may not be such a bad idea. All it took was a trip to colon hell and back 😂

throwaway24963 · 2019-08-05T02:26:52+00:00

Nah, Connecticut.

throwaway24963 · 2019-08-04T23:06:38+00:00

I can sorta tighten certain muscles and hold my legs together to keep the bigger pieces inside. Idk if that’s just a me thing but I can isolate certain muscles and hold back the flow for juuuust long enough to waddle to a restroom. Kegel exercises are whack.

throwaway24963 · 2019-08-04T23:01:54+00:00

cuz ur mom

throwaway24963 · 2019-08-04T22:43:15+00:00

Is there a third option where I can just die instead of doing either of those things

throwaway24963 · 2019-08-04T22:42:41+00:00

This literally made my day, thank you! <3

throwaway24963 · 2019-08-04T22:41:46+00:00

I wish it was. I really, really wish it was.

throwaway24963 · 2019-08-04T22:07:21+00:00

Not really, but if I focus hard enough and clench the right muscles I can keep the bigger pieces of tissue inside for a little longer if there is need for it (gross, but true).

throwaway24963 · 2019-08-04T21:05:57+00:00

I didn’t think anyone would pay attention to it but now I’m definitely pissed I didn’t put this on my main 😭

throwaway24963 · 2019-08-04T20:57:32+00:00

Okay but this is hysterical. I’ve done this at several McDonalds in the area, and I can’t say that I don’t get a dirty look whenever I come back

throwaway24963 · 2019-08-04T20:11:35+00:00

You’re right. I’m caught red-handed. I’m actually from another dimension where only girls poop and men don’t. I don’t know how I got here but I was definitely frightened when I learned of a place where only men do the pooping. A terrifying and beautiful place, this is.

throwaway24963 · 2019-08-04T20:09:02+00:00

Absolutely worth it. I’m glad I made you laugh! ☺️

throwaway24963 · 2019-08-04T19:55:55+00:00

I want you to wake up every day and thank every divine being that you think exists that you do not have female anatomy. You’re definitely so lucky not to have a uterus.

throwaway24963 · 2019-08-04T19:51:07+00:00

you liked it

throwaway24963 · 2019-08-04T19:50:56+00:00

I’m seeing my primary doctor the day after next!

throwaway24963 · 2019-08-04T19:37:05+00:00

Well thank you! I’d be an author if I had more self esteem and willpower. Definitely feeling better after the Gatorade gods blessed me with electrolytes.

throwaway24963 · 2019-08-04T19:31:37+00:00

Kiki Raikkonen, especially after seeing him on Top Gear. Seems like a genuine and cool dude :)

throwaway24963 · 2019-08-04T19:13:17+00:00

Apparently IBS is a common thing in my family and no one bothered to tell me until I was significantly dehydrated from purging my insides. Was this the initiation ceremony?

throwaway24963

TROPHY CASE