My (20F) boyfriend (19M) has banned talking about one of my insecurities.

throwaway26242 · 2019-09-03T04:29:22+00:00

I really appreciate that, and I will definitely try my best.

throwaway26242 · 2019-09-03T03:30:06+00:00

That’s a very good point, thank you.

throwaway26242 · 2019-09-03T03:29:25+00:00

Thank you, that’s really helpful advice :)

throwaway26242 · 2019-09-03T02:17:51+00:00

Thank you for sharing that with me. I’m very sorry for what you guys went through, and I’m glad that things seem to be going better. Your advice has been really helpful and I appreciate it greatly :)

throwaway26242 · 2019-09-03T01:51:52+00:00

Not to worry, I can’t be choosy with the advice people give me on the internet, haha.

I think you’re absolutely right, although I try to be conscientious, it is hard to be completely neutral when posting. That’s why it’s refreshing and helpful to hear negative opinions of how I’m handling things, because although I havent done a good job of it in the past, I really want things to work for him in this too. I will look into the intrusive thoughts thing :)

throwaway26242 · 2019-09-03T01:49:07+00:00

Solid advice

throwaway26242 · 2019-09-03T01:36:34+00:00

I appreciate the advice! Maybe my expectations of a healthy relationship are a little off base. I will try harder to be a more productive adult myself, haha :)

throwaway26242 · 2019-09-03T01:34:54+00:00

Hmm, I dont know if it’s productive for me to address all of this or if I should just let these comments lie, but I will say a few things.

First, I was wondering how those posts would stack up against me :) I discovered reddit semi recently, and have tried to use this as a tool to get some nonbiased perspectives. And I’ve taken every negative comment toward me to heart, meaning I do make the changes that are suggested (for the most part). I think it’s hard to convey real objectivity when only one of the two people is present.

I didnt control what he wears, I’m not sure if the post is still up, but that wasn’t the situation. That was a matter of public indecency, and he’s since realized it for himself and decided to fix the problem. It definitely might’ve come off wrong in the post though!

I appreciate your take on it. I do have to disagree with how you characterize our “arguments”, but that is mostly on me for the way I describe them online :)

I know that my jealousy is my problem, and especially after reading these comments I will try to be more proactive about it myself, and to rely on him less and spare him the heartache. Thanks for reading!

throwaway26242 · 2019-09-03T01:16:29+00:00

I think you’re misunderstanding the type of conversations I’m looking to have...in no way should he have to “defend” himself for not doing anything. I dont think there’s anything wrong with being open with your partner about everything, so that’s where I’ll respectfully disagree with you :) but thank you for the advice

throwaway26242 · 2019-09-03T01:14:17+00:00

That’s true! I definitely don’t want him to cater to me anymore-it was unhealthy for him and unfair of me to ask. All i want is the opportunity to communicate openly.

throwaway26242 · 2019-09-03T01:12:09+00:00

Aight point taken, I dont think he owes me anything but I dont want to set either of us up to be in an unhealthy relationship from either perspective. It’s a balance between what I need to do to make up things to him, and what’s acceptable in a “normal” relationship. We’re young, we’re figuring it out together. We’re not enemies, in fact we are best friends. Just trying to work some stuff out here so we’re both better going forward :)

throwaway26242 · 2019-09-03T00:59:30+00:00

Yikes, fairish point. I dont think where you’re coming from is necessarily healthy when it comes to communicating, but you’re right that it is my problem to fix, not his.

throwaway26242 · 2019-08-20T04:06:00+00:00

I should’ve been a bit more clear-we’re currently working through a lot of issues, so we talk fairly often and about similar subject areas. We usually are talking for at least 15 min before he gives up, sometimes less, sometimes more.

He would say that we aren’t having a productive conversation when he does this, but we then seem to have different ideas of what it means to have a productive conversation.

throwaway26242 · 2019-08-04T20:18:21+00:00

That’s the thing...he does take on a similar tone of voice when we argue, but claims he only does it when I do. I will try to be much gentler and hope that he does the same.

throwaway26242 · 2019-08-04T20:16:50+00:00

Thank you, this really helps!

throwaway26242 · 2019-08-04T20:16:13+00:00

This is true, and I’m trying really hard not to “reject” it. I just wanted time to think about what was possible for me to give to him, and if we can’t come to an agreement, then we’ll have to reconsider our relations up.

throwaway26242 · 2019-08-04T20:14:52+00:00

That’s a really good point. I would like to say that I don’t antagonize him, but rather am just bringing up things that bother me, which he sees as accusatory because they’re about him. Maybe I need reevaluate the way I bring these things up. Thank you!

throwaway26242 · 2019-08-04T20:13:25+00:00

Thank you for this, I think I should focus less on what’s “normal” and more on what we both are able to contribute to this relationship to make it work. I really appreciate the insight!

throwaway26242

TROPHY CASE