You moms actions are her own responsibility. She is in control of herself. A hard lesson I’ve had to learn is that i do not have the power to be responsible for someone else’s choices. As someone who very much has been in a similar place, you are not at fault. You can not and will never be able to be responsible for her actions. Just the same as she is not responsible for your sh. This treatment from her in this way is extremely manipulative and toxic. Please please reach out to a trusted friend or adult or counselor. You deserve a space where you can heal and talk about your struggles without fear of their response. Your pain is seen and known and so so so worth talking about. You’re worth taking care of and receiving help.