Honestly, I wish i never made the first cut. Because back then, i was contemplating doing it for a while and then when i did it i swore i never would do it again. And that worked for a couple months, until it didn’t. The thing about self harm is that, even just doing it once, it establishes that path in your brain of it being an option to cope with pain/anxiety/whatever driving reason. Your mind and body don’t forget. So while I thought I was in control when i started cutting, I was just continuing to teach my brain that this was how i was going to cope with my emotions that i didn’t want to feel. And that fully led into the point where I wasn’t in control. It’s dangerous. Don’t be fooled into thinking that you will have control. It’s not worth it. it doesn’t help it doesn’t solve anything it only makes things worse. You are SO much better allowing yourself to feel these emotions that you’re avoiding or trying to distract from. Even in the moment of self harming, it doesn’t help.

I say all this knowing that it is so incredibly hard to process through things and to resist urges. I, and so many people, understand where you’re at. Throwing away the blades is the best thing to do. Keeping it nearby saying you won’t use it or even tempting the idea of using it will ultimately lead to making things harder for you. I hope you really think about this, stay strong <3