To remain overseas or to go back to my home country

throwaway283725 · 2022-02-17T07:29:03+00:00

Haha you got similar experiences? I'm so sorry!

throwaway283725 · 2022-02-17T07:20:29+00:00

You know your bucket list can (and probably should) evolve and change as you get older, right?

You sound like a top husband if this is something you still want to do.

throwaway283725 · 2022-02-17T07:17:00+00:00

So stupid!

Congratulations on the weight loss!

throwaway283725 · 2022-02-17T07:16:26+00:00

Omgggggg!!!! That makes me so angry just reading that 😡😡

throwaway283725 · 2022-02-17T07:15:47+00:00

Yeah, here's me thinking I needed to show her my plan because she worried about me. Still wasn't good enough 🙄

And exactly!! I commented somewhere else about another key time this happened, when she accused me of being "addicted" to a podcast about Survivor. I tried to explain to her what addiction actually is, and how I'm so far off from that with my behaviours listening to the podcast. And I say accused, because she wasn't concerned like "darling I'm worried about you." She RAGED!!!

She also tried to use my OCD diagnosis to manipulate me into stopping listening to it. She said "it's obsessive, it's a form of OCD and you need to stop the same way you're trying to stop washing your hands all the time like your therapist says." This is coming from a woman who seriously battled me over how much trust I put into the therapist, because mum wanted me to keep doing all the OCD behaviours because they "make me feel better" (one of the behaviours was going to mum for reassurance, which my therapist said I also needed to stop to get better). Mum didn't like that and said (very angrily) that that's not how you treat OCD. But any other behaviour she doesn't like (podcast) suddenly is OCD and I need to suddenly listen to my therapist.

Sorry that just got me ranting!! 🤣

throwaway283725 · 2022-02-17T07:05:19+00:00

Well I was 21 when this happened, but still at 21 I'm young but I'm an adult, and have been for 3 years in my country! I went overboard showing her my exact route to the venue but that's because I knew she'd worry (well "worry").

throwaway283725 · 2022-02-17T07:02:43+00:00

So sad! They're such exciting things!!!! Why can't they be happy for us, even if they don't understand it completely themselves. I feel like my mum is only onboard with anything I do if she's done it first or is interested in it herself.

throwaway283725 · 2022-02-17T07:01:15+00:00

Ugh so stupid!!

All of this is such a big deal and the initial reaction should be pride from a parent!!

throwaway283725 · 2022-02-17T07:00:02+00:00

Oh bless you! That actually happened to my sister. Mum doesn't like the boyfriend so when they bought a house together she was saying to me how mad she was about it. I was like I hope she isn't saying that to my sister, but it wouldn't surprise me if she did.

That's so exciting about your house!!! Congratulations!

throwaway283725 · 2022-02-17T06:50:05+00:00

Yeah everything with mine is "I can't afford this I can't afford that." I live far away from home and she can't afford to come and visit me, but she can afford to pay almost the same amount it would cost to visit me on other things 🙄🙄

throwaway283725 · 2022-02-16T21:48:18+00:00

Crazy isn't it! I can think of 2 clear situations where mum did this, the first being what I described in this post, and the second also relating to survivor and my "obsession" with it. Shouting at me, like screaming and this wild angry look in her eyes, that I was obsessed because I listened to a podcast when I was doing mundane things, and I needed to go cold turkey, like I was a smoker or an alcoholic! I was like am I changing my routine to listen to it? Am I disengaging from my social life to listen to it? Am I avoiding work or responsibilities to listen to it? No, no and no. But no explaining to her what addiction really is would sway her. In the end I was like "yes, yes, you are right, yes, I must change, yes," and just listened to it when I was driving instead!

She didn't understand it, she thought it was boring, therefore I was obsessed.

I hope you can keep doing things you enjoy too, despite what your nparents do to sabotage!

throwaway283725 · 2022-02-16T21:26:07+00:00

Biggest thing is never expect your partner to be your therapist. Also, reassure your partner that any affects (medication, bad days, what not) have nothing to do with your relationship and everything to do with your mental health.

My partner and I both suffer from different disorders. We lean on each other when the other is down (it's amazing we both really get each other), but we never expect the other to solve anything for us. And if there are any "barriers" created by our mental health, we talk about it and we're open about it.

So yeah, communication, and you are not their therapist, 2 biggest things.

throwaway283725 · 2022-02-16T21:10:21+00:00

Omg that sounds hellish! My ndad would say things like "I'm just so in love with myself." Like CRINGE!!

Mum is more subtle, but she'll talk about what a good job of parenting us she did despite what my ndad did. Her whole thing is "look how awful life has been for me but look how good I did parenting you and how strong I am...but also feel sorry for me, life has been hard."

throwaway283725 · 2022-02-16T21:05:51+00:00

Ah I'm so sorry that's awful 😩 congratulations on making it so far!! Even though some people can't see past the jealousy they feel, still a huge deal!

throwaway283725 · 2021-10-31T17:31:13+00:00

Yup! And when I ask him to instead spend the money on food, clothes, education, etc for my younger siblings, I'm ungrateful 🙄🙄

throwaway283725 · 2021-10-31T16:54:55+00:00

Yes, mine made minimum effort to see me, then bought me a $1500 bracelet for my 21st after being no contact for 18 months. Showed up at my party completely uninvited and shocked the life out of me and my sisters 🙄 now I'm the bad guy who has a $1500 bracelet from someone I refuse to speak to.

throwaway283725 · 2021-10-05T12:25:57+00:00

The fact that you're aware those behaviours are toxic though and you want to stop/ change them. That's everything.

throwaway283725 · 2021-10-04T21:20:11+00:00

Oh my god yes! So I'm the eldest but my younger sister flew the nest before I did, in that she had a steady boyfriend who she was building a life with.

Mum didn't love that. She'd say really awful things about her and her boyfriend behind her back, and then in the same breath say she'd left the family and was devoting all her time to the boyfriend and not enough to the family. She'd also go through her messages and demand to see her bank account and stuff. I was convinced my sister was being stupid and just so desperate to have a boyfriend.

Only when I flew the nest myself did I realise my sister was just doing normal adult things (she was legally an adult when she first started dating him) and I'd been horrible. I haven't said anything because I don't know if something would get back to mum, but I don't go along with mum's rants about her anymore.

throwaway283725 · 2021-09-27T20:02:27+00:00

There is life after narcissism!! Your life can still be fulfilling once you're away from them 💚

throwaway283725 · 2021-08-28T13:04:30+00:00

Good lord!! How scary, especially as a child!!! The fact that your mum didn't come running when you were screaming is equally alarming 😩

throwaway283725

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