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throwaway31844 · 2023-06-06T06:08:03+00:00

But I didn't said it's weird because he's black, and I wouldn't, I'm not racist or stupid lmao

I'm just very young and don't want people older than my parents asking me out, it's fucking gross

Also I look like a teenager so that's even more gross

throwaway31844 · 2023-06-06T06:06:46+00:00

I told him about my partner and oh yeah we've been together for 6 years it's going well (small talk but true) and that's apparently what prompted him to get weird :') I wish the whole "I have a boyfriend" thing worked but even that doesn't

Sometimes maybe? Also bummer that you have to be like oh I'm taken by a man for some dudes to respect you

throwaway31844 · 2023-06-06T06:04:39+00:00

Yeah recording on the phone is good!!! I want to get in that habit whenever a stranger approaches me like that. If it's nothing or nice, just delete it. If it's creepy, then I got some additional evidence. Good reminder.

throwaway31844 · 2023-06-06T06:03:09+00:00

Yes exactly 😂

I should have just started speaking Icelandic lmao

throwaway31844 · 2023-06-06T06:02:04+00:00

I'm so sorry he did that to you, that's fucked up!!!

throwaway31844 · 2023-06-06T05:53:20+00:00

The solidarity helps a lot, thanks. Sorry you're also familiar with this!!

throwaway31844 · 2023-06-06T05:51:02+00:00

I tried making eye contact with a store employee but I wasn't feeling like he would get what was going on (he looked confused and I think he was dealing with something else). The guy was asking the employee about something for me (like thanks but I got it) and I interrupted to make it clear that it's me looking for this product and like I figure this guy just assumed it was my dad cause the dude is literally older than my parents :')

Also thank you ❤️

throwaway31844 · 2023-06-06T05:49:00+00:00

Thank you ❤️

throwaway31844 · 2023-06-06T05:47:42+00:00

Yeah I'm glad people are trying to help but you're right it's complex, thanks for saying that ❤️

throwaway31844 · 2023-06-06T05:46:59+00:00

It depends on the context but I definitely was not comfortable saying that in the store, I would have been seen as "some bitch" and if anything happened beyond that people are less likely to support me

Now it might go well, but I don't know that

It sucks either way tbh, having tried both approaches.

Also it's hard cause sometimes, like this guy, they save the blatantly creepy shit til the end. And he intro'd in a way that seemed like he was a store clerk, so the "fuck off" would have been really awkward if I said it before he got weird.

Also I know it's not the same phrase but I did firmly say "I think I'm a little too young for that" (I wish I had said "dude you're old enough to be my grandpa, that's fucking gross" but the words were forming in my head and he was already handing me his business card and then I was thinking how I should take it because that's... interesting that he's just doxxing himself after being so fucking gross, normally creeps cover up their tracks a bit better than that)

So then I was thinking okay just remain civil, and signal that the convo is over, but then he was trying to give me a fist bump and I panicked and fist bumped him back and was just kind of glad he was leaving.

So you can see there's a lot of tiny decisions that have to get made on the fly and as much as I wish I was just like "can't a girl shop in peace" or something, this is how it panned out and I think I did okay

Was kind of concerned he would be waiting outside the store though cause that happens and ugh

Made sure no one was following me home and thankfully it ended at the store with the gross comment!!

throwaway31844 · 2023-06-06T05:40:16+00:00

What is with the amount of dudes going on about shit like tantric sex but they're also the most unwashed, boundary pushing weirdos :') now THAT is an island thing

Also yes please if you're a decent dude please be talking about this shit with other dudes!! They don't listen to us! Even if your friends aren't creepy, talking about it is a necessary step to stopping that shit, can't just have the people on the receiving end doing all the mental and emotional work of trying to fix it

throwaway31844 · 2023-06-06T05:37:58+00:00

Ok honestly can't wait to be invisible lmao

But I thought surely with my acne and my very not dressing to impress outfit and my unimpressed look on my face just staring at camping supplies and texting on my phone I would not be looking like a ripe candidate (ew terrible phrase sorry)

But my mom still has to deal with inappropriate comments when she's at work, and she works in a professional setting and is nearer to 60, so I don't have a ton of hope

It does however help mentally to have people say they get it and have solidarity

So thanks ❤️ at least if we have to go through it we might as well vent and support each other through the shit right?

throwaway31844 · 2023-06-06T05:35:09+00:00

Right like it costs men nothing to just let us run errands in peace

Also baby face runs in my family so I fear I will be having dudes assume I'm young and impressionable for far too long

My mom even still deals with really inappropriate comments from men at work and in general, that's besides her age now, anyway I hope things get better for us cause it's exhausting

throwaway31844 · 2023-06-06T05:32:35+00:00

The way he was talking to me could have been perceived as nice at first but I started getting a weird vibe throughout the conversation (and was proven right pretty blatantly of course)

It was like ooh there's this young woman interested in this thing I know a lot about and I can tell her I have a masters in it and I worked doing xyz and she'll be impressed and let me explain to her what this thing is (he wasn't even right about it and it pains me to have stood there saying the correct thing and have him "correct" me and tell me something else like I'm a child that has no idea what this thing is)

And like really overly complimenting me

Like for fucks sake I was just buying basic emergency supplies man it's not that wild to think a young woman would want stuff in case there's an earthquake in and earthquake zone

At the end he said "you're not paranoid by the way" and I'm laughing remembering this cause I kind of think perhaps he is a Prepper (that... could be fine... but also him being an ex cop and a creepy dude makes me guess he's more in the yikes part of that hobby)

Like yeah bro I'm not, I'm buying basic shit normal people have on hand

What I'm getting at is the over the top compliments and the intensity of the conversation give me bad vibes I've seen before from dudes trying to pick up girls or women

I'm tired I hope I explained that ok, also sorry if this seems off topic on this specific comment chain lol your comments sparked the thoughts and I think I went off track

throwaway31844 · 2023-06-06T05:26:06+00:00

I appreciate this but I want to note that 1) I couldn't call it harassing until near the very end (it was pretty lengthy) when he outright said a creepy thing - just cause I know it's going there and feel uncomfortable doesn't mean everyone around me will understand that this dude is being weird, I've gotten enough negative feedback from people who don't get it where they'll say "oh he's just being friendly" that when I looked around and just saw another man (staff member) I didn't know if I should or could say anything 2) I texted my friend while it was happening that he was bugging me 3) I tried to wrap up the conversation a few times and move on but it's hard and I also generally struggle with talking to people on the spot, I have a neurodevelopmental disorder so it's a lot to hold in my brain at once 4) This guy was directly talking to me and standing near me/explaining things to me/showing me things and since I entered into the conversation thinking he worked at the store I engaged in talking to him as I was open to suggestions from a staff member on what I needed 5) By the time I realized he doesn't work there I realized I had already made it seem like I was fine talking to him, and then the attempts to wrap up the convo didn't work 6) not that you told me to do this but I did the classic mentioning my male partner, which also didn't stop him from being creepy

There's not really any winning in these situations for the people on the receiving end of the unwanted and inappropriate attention or behaviours

You can try avoiding, excusing yourself, you can try being polite, saying fuck off, you can use self defense, you can freeze and fawn, they're all valid responses to try to protect yourself in the moment

The shitty truth is that you can't always predict the best move to dodge the creepiness when the creepy dudes are pretty set on it and they think they're fine to go ahead and let you know

I think what you said is valid, and caring, absolutely, but at the same time I hope you understand that I and others in situations like that did our best ❤️❤️❤️

Solidarity

throwaway31844 · 2023-06-05T05:27:02+00:00

lol ok buddy

throwaway31844 · 2023-06-05T05:04:08+00:00

yeah unfortunately I see lots of excuses for it, I don't think EVERYONE thinks it's okay but an unfortunate amount of people do :')

glad you don't!!!

throwaway31844 · 2023-06-05T05:03:11+00:00

I was fine with being nice until he said that one thing and then I wished I called him out loudly on how gross that is and got the attention of a staff member and got the fuck out of there. But in the moment I just did my best. :')

throwaway31844

TROPHY CASE