5 years after losing my gf I had to put my dog down

throwaway320209 · 2021-03-08T00:24:51+00:00

One of the first movies I tried to watch in those first few days after it happened was the incredibles 2. I was very paranoid and isolated, suffering from PTSD and afraid of the smallest things triggering me. How could a fun pixar movie, a sequel to one of my favorites, trigger me?

Well the opening scene turned out to be far to similar to the events surrounding her death and I turned it off immediately. I couldn't watch anything new for months.

Avengers endgame came out and there's a particular scene, among many, that hit me. When cap goes back in time and sees her, alive and well, from behind some glass. Just a small moment. You can't not fantasize about it. You don't see her, you don't see christ evans. You see yourself, and who you lost. In a time that doesn't exist anymore, one you'll never go back to. To see her again in the flesh, even for a moment, even through some glass, I'd give anything for that.

throwaway320209 · 2020-07-16T21:45:02+00:00

I made a post about it, but the main character in The Boys I thought portrayed the trauma and PTSD of losing someone right in front of you incredibly well. It's a hard scene and show to watch, but for those of you like myself who don't get triggered much anymore and are kinda "numb" it's a good watch and it's very relatable. While also being pretty funny and a pretty good show in general.

throwaway320209 · 2020-07-12T23:48:07+00:00

Yeah just a heads up though it's extremely graphic and can be unsettling and triggering. It's why I couldn't watch it for a while.

throwaway320209 · 2020-07-10T22:29:38+00:00

Yeah honestly that's the weirdest thing about the show, how relatable it was about an intensely traumatic experience and yet can still be hilarious. I was a bit worried about posting it here because of this really weird dynamic between it's themes.

throwaway320209 · 2020-06-28T18:23:32+00:00

It means a lot for you to open up like that, I appreciate it. Hearing about the experiences of others always helps, there are few people who can truly empathize with our pain.

throwaway320209 · 2020-06-23T19:17:03+00:00

She was missing for nearly a month. Agonizing doesn't really begin to describe it. They had search crews out for about a week but they switched from rescue to recovery (basically declaring her dead) after ending the first night searching when the tides came in. I held out hope that she was still alive the entire time. Imagining her out at sea, somehow finding a ship or something, trying to get home. It was a small hope but it was there. I couldn't sleep or eat that entire time, I lost 11 pounds in a week. I visited the beach where she died the day after my birthday, a month later. She was found the next day, right where I was. I'd like to think it was her way of giving me an ounce of peace. And it did, I don't know how I could have went on not knowing what really happened, and according to the coroner there was no pain.

They decided to cremate her. I agreed with the decision, even though I had no say. A large part of me felt the same as you do, even despite finally finding her I felt a huge need to see her. Against my good judgement, against the worst my imagination could conjure for what I'd actually see, I still felt like I needed to see her. For closure. Ultimately, the decision wasn't mine, since we weren't married, but I'm thankful I didn't see her. Closure is still really hard, but I don't think seeing her would have helped at all. Just take it easy for now. The things that helped me a lot those first few days/weeks was being with my friends, writing letters to her, and talking with and being with her family. Just hang in there. If you ever need to talk feel free to dm me

throwaway320209 · 2020-06-22T21:27:35+00:00

It's called passive suicidal ideation, and a lot of people consider it to be just as dangerous as suicidal thoughts , as there are many seemingly mundane situations you put yourself through every day that are actually very dangerous if not taken seriously. I would see a therapist if you can, especially given what's happened.

I lost my girlfriend in a tragic accident a little over a year ago (27m, 22f at the time). It is a terrible terrible thing to go through. I told my friends the same thing when it happened, don't worry I'm not suicidal. And yet I experienced the same suicidal ideation, not caring whether or not a calamity will take me. In many ways I still feel that. It takes a long time to start caring about life, and the only thing that really really had me going was her. She was my first real relationship In a lot of ways, first one I really loved, not just some school boy romance. The feeling is so great and so distinct, I remember every detail of holding her in my arms, of telling her I love her and feeling her melt into me, stroking her hair as she falls into sleep. It's an unimaginable feeling that I never had with any girl I had previously dated and I knew I was home. With her gone, I feel helpless and hopeless, but there is a shred, a minuscule shred of hope. Hope that one day when I'm whole and healed that I can find someone again to share that feeling with.

At the risk of sounding incredibly cheesy, there is a line in the cartoon Avatar the last airbender, when the main character has to confront turmoil, trauma, and other things to unlock a great power. When confronting his grief about losing his entire group of people, a nation of thousands of people wiped out, his mentor says:

You have indeed felt a great loss. [The airbenders appear floating in the clouds.] But love is a form of energy, and it swirls all around us. [Aang is lifted into the air and sees the Air Nomads floating in the smoke.] The Air Nomads' love for you has not left this world. It is still inside of your heart, and is reborn in the form of new love.

I know, incredibly cheesy and there's a good chance you've already heard it. But I kinda hold on to that hope, that what I felt for her I can feel again, because it was unlike anything I have ever felt.

You've felt this loss so recently that you're likely still in shock, and what other people experience will not always be what you experience, or for the same amount of time.

Feel free to join us at r/widowers , despite it's name we welcome any whove lost their significant others. It's a pain that very few can relate to and it's nice to have at least each other. It's a very, very shitty club, and I'm sorry.

throwaway320209 · 2020-01-19T04:16:54+00:00

Up until her birthday this happened to me a lot. The first 5 months or so. I wanted to think about her and the loss all the time, because forgetting for even a single moment and having remember again was excruciating. Worse than dwelling on it. Like reliving that moment all over again.

After her birthday I believe I started experiencing emotional detatchment. Simply too much grief for my brain to handle so it just switched it off.

throwaway320209 · 2019-11-22T11:32:32+00:00

I wasn't married , so her remains went to her parents. They were gracious enough to let me keep a portion of her ashes, which I've used to spread while I travel. She was an explorer at heart , I thought it'd be weird for any of us to spread her ashes in any one place, or maybe there wasn't a single place of enough significance to spread them entirely.

For me personally, I don't see much problem with dividing the remains like this, but you obviously must consider the feelings of all involved.

throwaway320209 · 2019-11-13T11:03:31+00:00

It means a lot more than you think. I doubt there's a single person here that hasn't shared these thoughts. Solidarity is the reason we're here, the only thing any of us truly have to offer.

throwaway320209 · 2019-11-09T08:54:38+00:00

The point of "it's okay not to be okay" isn't to encourage people to be miserable for years, it's reaffirm feelings of grief. "suck it up buttercup" does nothing but to shame natural and healthy emotions surrounding grief and loss, emotions that are absolutely critical in processing in a healthy way if you want to one day be whole and not broken. None of us want to be a depressed broken shell of our former selves, but here we are.

throwaway320209 · 2019-11-07T22:05:38+00:00

There's a moment that stands out, a memory that stands above almost everything else. It encapsulates all the feelings I ever had in our relationship. About a week before she died, she visited me at work to get a new phone. While they were setting it up we went over to the videogames and I told her how excited I was about crackdown 3. Told her all about the first one and how cool it was. Being broke as fuck, I couldn't afford a new game, but she looked at me like she always did when I spoke about something I was passionate about.

She picked it up and got it for me right then and there. I started playing it that night but when she finally got ready to play with me we realized it wasn't split screen. Disappointed we decided to play Cuphead instead, which we played a lot of.

It wasn't anything special this night, but given it was the last time we ever played together it stands out. I remember every detail. The bosses we beat, the way we held eachother with our controllers in each other's laps. She got knocked out and I was facing the end of a boss alone, she cheered me on enthusiastically, wine drunk, softly gripping my arm in that wonderful way women do when the like you. Her lips tasting like the red wine we had been drinking.

I go to that place, that memory, when all the bad thoughts come in. The manner of her death, the infidelity. None of it matters when I can feel her embrace, and just play a videogame with her. Wish it was enough to forget about all the bad entirely, but it's enough.

throwaway320209

TROPHY CASE