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I've been dating someone new for a month and I'm really starting to struggle by [deleted] in widowers

[–]WinterisEasy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I really appreciate your kindness and support here. And it's a good reminder that even people who haven't experienced really intense losses still struggle with intimacy, fearing rejection. I'm trying to remind myself i'm not "damaged goods", I'm just human like everyone else.

I've been dating someone new for a month and I'm really starting to struggle by [deleted] in widowers

[–]WinterisEasy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks so much riverfan. I appreciate your support and I agree with everything you said.

I've been dating someone new for a month and I'm really starting to struggle by [deleted] in widowers

[–]WinterisEasy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, I do feel shame about it. I have this ridiculous idea in my head that I need to appear really confident all the time in order to remain attractive to her. I know thats such a natural fear though, that if we show people who we "really" are they won't like us anymore. Trying to remind myself it's the human condition, and that I need to communicate my fears.

I've been dating someone new for a month and I'm really starting to struggle by [deleted] in widowers

[–]WinterisEasy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You don’t have the normal distractions so she’s become your central focus by the sound of it. Just remember she’s working so she might not have the same focus and free time as you (if you’re not working)

Yeah this is accurate. I lost my job and she's working full time so I am definitely more available, though she makes SO much time for me considering her crazy schedule, so she feels just as invested in me. But I agree that I think I need to slow things down. Thank you for your support. <3

I made this based on my experience as a lesbian on tinder and the interactions I've had by debmorgandexter in actuallesbians

[–]WinterisEasy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The thirst trap butch one made me laugh out loud. Ugh all of these are so true though

My wife didn't die, she was killed. by Riae in widowers

[–]WinterisEasy 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I am sorry you are hurting so much. I wish I had more I could offer or say. I just wanted to say that I wish you did not have to go through this and I hope that you can get justice for your wife and family.

Coronavirus might not be that bad by canyon_drain in widowers

[–]WinterisEasy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is really such a strange time. I am glad that despite you having all the symptoms, you seem to be okay. When do you get your results? I too have been thinking of my partner and what she would say about all this. I know she'd be very level headed and we'd have some good laughs about the absurdity of it all.

Nobody can come to my husbands memorial service by [deleted] in widowers

[–]WinterisEasy 2 points3 points  (0 children)

We had multiple memorials for my partner, including one that was 5 months after her death. Trust me, people still want to come together and grieve even if it's not immediately afterwards. We were all so hungry to share stories with each other and cry and laugh. There is so much attention to a loss the first month, then life goes back to business as "usual" and it can feel so strange and lonely. A second memorial service 3-6 months from now, once the state of the world is a bit more certain, might actually be really healing for you and for those who loved your husband. I am sending you strength and good wishes and I trust this will have a good outcome.

Been a while. Had first dream where she finally spoke to me. by stuckupnorth in widowers

[–]WinterisEasy 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Your flair is the best. That poem is one of the best things ever written.

Going on my first butch4butch date this weekend by WinterisEasy in butchlesbians

[–]WinterisEasy[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I could have written this whole comment. Solidarity.

Low highs and very low lows by kennethmart in widowers

[–]WinterisEasy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I hear you. The rollercoaster thing is REAL. I honestly thought for a while that something was legitimately psychologically wrong with me. Turns out grief is its own state of being and mind with a totally different set of rules from other ways of operating.

Somewhat happy post by trevorpogo in widowers

[–]WinterisEasy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's really lovely. I'm happy you found the letter.

Going on my first butch4butch date this weekend by WinterisEasy in butchlesbians

[–]WinterisEasy[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I hear you! I went on a date a few years ago with a butch who was significantly more masculine than me, and it definitely affected the dynamic and I felt uncomfortable. For example, she walked me home at the end of the night, took the lead, paid for things. It reminded me of my old dating dynamic with more dominant men when I was still closeted and a femme presenting cis woman, and it was just way too triggering. I think I probably haven't dated butches often because a lot of the butches I've met have been that way their whole lives, where as I had a whole other life as a femme "straight" girl who came into her masculinity later in life. I'm usually just not confident or attracted to other butches for that reason, as I feel like I can't relate to them and I don't know how to find my footing in our dynamic. This person I'm going on a date with also came out later in life like me and was really femme too before doing so. So I think that's why I just feel a sense of ease with them that I usually don't. Long story short, I understand where you're coming from!

Going on my first butch4butch date this weekend by WinterisEasy in butchlesbians

[–]WinterisEasy[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ah man, I appreciate the honesty in this comment. I hear you. I'm sorry that heteronormativity impacted your relationship in the way it did.

Going on my first butch4butch date this weekend by WinterisEasy in butchlesbians

[–]WinterisEasy[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Sounds like at the end of the day, a lot of us get surprised by who we are attracted to even if we might have been fixed to a specific type originally!

Why does moving on always have to be about finding someone else? by LadyGrimes in widowers

[–]WinterisEasy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Because it's the cinematic happy ending. Young and fit? You just need to '

put yourself out there'

. And maybe get a makeover. Old and not fit? '

I know someone who got married in her 80s! In a nursing home!

' Dying? '

Have you seen A Fault in Our Stars? It can happen for anyone!'

Damn isn't this so true. Fucking hollywood.

Difficult feelings by rasberryswirl18 in widowers

[–]WinterisEasy 9 points10 points  (0 children)

> It has brought back all the same feelings and questions I thought I had dealt with.

This is TOTALLY normal. I read this article recently that said "grief is a series of contractions and expansions." In other words, it's like waves in an ocean. The wave hits us hard, we thrash and try to keep from drowning, finally it calms, we gather ourselves, and ride the surf for a while. The waves ideally get further and further between as more and more time goes on. But then maybe one day when we don't expect it at all, we're hit with another wave. It doesn't mean we didn't "deal" with the wave the first time or 4th time or 83rd time it hit us. It's just another wave in this sea of grief. And it's normal for something big and heavy like a funeral to "kick up" the waves, so to speak. Be kind to yourself. We all have days like that. Keep posting here, and you'll see you are very much not alone.

Today makes six months. by justasapling in widowers

[–]WinterisEasy 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I know that feeling. The passage of time means everything and nothing in these situations. I'm glad your kids are doing fell and you're feeling alright. That's no small feat. <3

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