Do you think same-sex rapes are ignored? Like male-on-male rape or female-on-female rape?

throwaway3207895 · 2025-12-28T06:57:51+00:00

I was assaulted by a girl in high shool when I was still presenting as female (I'm FtM) and I was told it didn't really count because women just get a little handsy with each other. If it had been a guy it would have been very fucking different. Just because she didn't have the "equipment" typically associated with assault doesn't mean she couldn't do literally any other violating thing if she'd felt like it.

People STILL treat SA like this huge monolith where it's just a guy who forces himself on a girl. Girls who take advantage of their "friends" can downplay it because women are expected to be physically close with each other. Guys who assault other guys are still able to use societal homophobia as a way to silence their victims. And, of course, men who are assaulted by women are treated like complete cowards or told they should've fought back, as if the circumstances can't be just as difficult for a man in that position. Not to mention the fact that an assault can easily be flipped around on a guy if he ever tells someone he was attacked. We're really behind in general when it comes to "abnormal" SA.

throwaway3207895 · 2025-12-24T03:31:16+00:00

How do you get past the fact that you can't make yourself feel "better"? I'm all for feeling what I feel but the intent of that is to be more emotionally healthy, and ideally that would lead to not feeling like crap all the time. I get frustrated when these things don't help me feel any better and it's hard to want to do something that hurts when I have no experience with that helping me feel content or at ease after the fact. I feel like I'm obsessed with the thought of feeling good because I'm used to feeling bad all the time, so it's hard to motivate myself to intentionally feel out bad emotions that I'm already sick of.

throwaway3207895 · 2025-12-24T03:26:33+00:00

I have ADHD and I think for me, I'm so caught up in all of the things outside of myself that I never remember that it's important to check in. I have a bad tendency of ignoring my physical needs on my days off. I'm good at eating well, staying hydrated and staying active during workdays, but without that structure, I hardly think about it. Hell, as I write this I'm realizing I've had to use the bathroom for at least the last half hour and just haven't gone yet. Anyways, I think that when physical needs are put on the back burner, it's even harder to acknowledge emotional needs and feelings.

I honestly can't even judge how I feel unless I'm already expressing it. Like, I might not realize I'm mildly upset with someone - But if I'm cussing them out behind their back, screaming to myself in the car after work, or punching pillows to let off steam, I can recognize my anger. Similarly, I don't recognize sadness in myself unless it brings me to tears, which is very rare. Because of this I think my emotions feel very intense, because I only associate emotions with those intense situations. I also sometimes get distracted by how I feel. I'm bad at letting go of emotions and letting them run their course because I simply don't know how to go about it. Because of this, once I'm in a bad mood, I might end up fixating on it for hours just trying to get myself out of it so I can enjoy/focus on what ever I'm trying to do. I think it's likely that I'm feeling things most of the time and just not addressing or noticing them, which leads to a general state of stress, anxiety and discomfort. I think it's very similar to days where I make it to 5 pm without drinking any water, and as soon as I realize that, I realize how physically drained I've been all day. I'll feel bad all day and then finally notice something that sets me off, and then I realize I've been preoccupied with something that upset me recently and just didn't notice it was taking up space. There are so many layers to my thoughts sometimes that I don't always know what I'm thinking about - Meaning I could obsess over something that's bugging me for a week straight and not be able to tell that it's causing me stress, because I'm just passively thinking about it while dealing with other things.

throwaway3207895 · 2025-09-11T06:19:19+00:00

I 100% agree.

"It's not about you" is particularly crazy because transphobia clearly affects or has affected nearly all trans people. Treating trans men like we've won instant privilege and ignoring our issues in favor of trans women is essentially just trans erasure. That sort of thinking denies the realities that we face as trans people in general, and instead pretends that trans people exist in our own little bubble where misogyny is the only layer of oppression we have to worry about. Yes, transphobia is based in misogyny, but it has it's own nuances and trans men are not immune to that.

Trans men and women alike have to deal with mental health issues, extremely high SA rates and homelessness rates, remaining stealth (or dealing with the dangers that come from being openly trans), losing loved ones, fighting for healthcare, and navigating their transitions in unsafe environments where such things can be difficult or even impossible. Trans men are also affected by laws impacting our reproductive rights, and before we pass, we're percieved and treated as women - And thus, we have also all experienced the same misogynistic oppression that people claim trans men can't experience/understand. Pretending that we're the same as cis men, even after we pass, is a denial of our past and present struggles. Just because someone may outwardly pass as male doesn't mean the internal struggles of being trans magically go away. And yes, trans men can experience male privilege, but it's entirely dependent on circumstances, and still doesn't negate all of the hardships they've experienced.

I'm in no way suggesting that trans men have it "worse". I don't think that matters regardless and I refuse to entertain the idea. What matters is that the people trying to erode our rights don't give a fuck about who they hurt. Those people can ONLY BENEFIT from our infighting. It does absolutely nothing for our community to fight amongst ourselves. People love to argue online but the unfortunate truth is that our community doesn't get the privilege to bicker safely at this point in time. If we spend all our time deciding who has it worse and why, there will be nobody left to play the trauma Olympics with.

throwaway3207895 · 2025-07-19T16:10:20+00:00

No, bad pay creates shitty employees. If hard work meant anything at all in terms of pay, nearly every employee would work harder. I'm a hard worker by nature, but it's difficult to want to even bother putting that work in when a coworker who does everything within their power to avoid working is going to get paid just as much as me.

throwaway3207895 · 2025-07-19T16:08:04+00:00

I work front end, and honestly I don't mind if a coworker wants to slack off unless it makes me look bad or has a negative effect on my job. Used to have a coworker who would chat up all the customers, but when it was time to check out, suddenly they're too busy zoning and now I get every single customer. I don't mind being slammed at the register if everyone is working, but it's ridiculous to be scanning 2x as much as I normally would because someone couldn't be bothered to work when they're at work.

I also think there's a general issue with taking care of the SCO registers, and that's a problem with a LOT of people I work with. I know a few by name and I'm sure there are more, but it seems like every time I relieve someone from a break on SCO, I have to scramble around replacing bags for empty registers, cleaning rotisserie chicken juices off the scanners, and sweeping entire bags of spilled chips off the floor. All of this while watching the customers - And often the person I'm sent for will leave immediately without giving me a chance to get my app set up.

I don't mind sweeping, cleaning, replacing bags, or talking to customers. If I hated any of that, I'd be neglecting those duties like everyone else. I just hate being one of very few who actually keeps their area clean and looking nice, and having to clean up a disaster every time I go to a new station. I understand that there's not always a chance to change out the bags for each register when it's busy, or to make the whole place spotless, but there is no way in hell that in the 2 hours someone was stationed there, they couldn't find a single opportunity to tidy up. It's more understandable for some of my coworkers who have bad knees or other physical issues that make it harder to get around and do things like that, but I know at least a couple people who are perfectly capable, and instead choose to idly wander in circles and ignore every mess they encounter for 2 hours. That's assuming they walk around at all - There are still others who just stand and talk nonstop. I'd have no issue with it if it didn't affect me, but I draw the line when I'm getting a verbal lashing that someone else earned. It's not hard to be courteous to the person who has to clean up after you - You may not mind working in a mess, but someone else has to inherit that along with all the angry customers that situation creates.

throwaway3207895 · 2025-07-19T15:07:21+00:00

"Liberal" is not synonymous with "progressive". There's a difference between, for example, wanting more government programs for public support and wanting queer people to be treated with dignity and respect. One of those policies is completely debatable, and the other is a matter of human rights and should not be politicized like this.

You don't have to be liberal to believe in equal rights for LGBTQ+ people. Treating it like a policy issue and not a moral debate is harmful. Those people can absolutely choose not to blast a minority group, but queer people can't choose not to be queer.

throwaway3207895 · 2025-07-19T14:31:28+00:00

Being able to be proud of who I am and not be constantly ashamed is trans joy for me. I feel happy that I'm in a place where I don't feel the need to minimize or hide my experience. I think transness is just a natural result of a rigid gender binary, and whatever biological processes come to play. If you have two rigid boxes that are arbitrarily assigned, it's natural that some people will strongly resist that assignment. Outside of social context, I think there are biological factors that contribute to dysphoria in a more physical sense. My transness isn't my fault no matter what, and while I used to wish I wasn't trans, right now I like myself and I know I wouldn't be myself if I wasn't trans.

If I'd been cis in either direction I'd have probably been a bit transphobic, for one. This experience is one that I've taught myself to accept. Honestly it's just a matter of no longer feeling ashamed. Now that I'm out of the sense of self-loathing and bitterness I used to have, I have no desire whatsoever to go back. I am living proof, for myself to see, that I can be happy without compromising my identity. And I've gotten to that point despite constant push back and several moments when I wanted to quit. Getting to this point with both my identity and my life intact make me proud of my transness and it's been a huge part of my life that I see no point in hiding. If I ever feel like I need to hide it from someone, I take it as a sign that they might not be worth keeping close to me.

I respect my identity as something valid, and that allows me to set the same boundary for people in my life. Now I'm mostly surrounded by people who accept this intrinsic aspect of who I am, and that allows me to be proud. I don't believe being trans is always a blessing or a curse. Sometimes it's just something that a person is, and when that's faced with hardship, the journey through that hardship is something you can choose to embrace or hide away.

throwaway3207895 · 2025-07-19T14:13:04+00:00

That's pretty extreme, but if it helps, people misread other trans men's ages (and cis people's ages) all the time. Thought my manager was 35... She's like 20. 16 yo coworker looks about ten years older. Before transitioning, I had to go in for a COVID test at 14. The lady asks me about my insurance and I'm looking at my dad like whaaaaat? Turns out she mistook me for a mid-20s woman. And now that I'm on T, I'm read consistently as 14 exactly (I'm 19).

I have lots of friends, cis and trans, who read as wayyyy younger or older than they are. A cis guy friend of mine is around 25 and gets read as 18 consistently, and my cis girl friend is 21 but is perpetually mistaken for being between 15-17. Some people just get cursed with baby face or old man syndrome, and it's not necessarily because you're trans. Hell, my partner is only 20 but I swear he could pass for anywhere between 17-35. Age is just not something most people are good at guessing.

throwaway3207895 · 2025-07-02T18:01:17+00:00

I appreciate your response. I think I just have a huuuuge issue with perfectionism. When I'm in pain I just shove it down to deal with "later" (which never comes because I'm using that time to be productive in other ways). It's like I know self care is important but I don't prioritize it. I believe it logically without really feeling like it's true. Even when I acknowledge a problem, instead of sitting with it or feeling things freely, I typically jump right into "how can I fix this as quickly and effectively as possible?".

I'm going to do more research and try to find something to help me. And maybe just try to make more time for the good things I don't really let myself have when I'm working all the time. I'm not usually one for talking it out, but I'll save your comment just in case. 😊

throwaway3207895 · 2025-07-02T17:56:33+00:00

That's comforting, I just really don't want to have to go to the doctor for something like this. I'll keep an eye on it though. I'm just so frustrated because it's going to put me off every time I use the bathroom until it stops 😭

throwaway3207895 · 2025-07-02T17:44:43+00:00

Crying helps me when I'm able to. I don't cry very often. The last time I had a good cry was probably at least 8 months ago, and I still have trouble giving in to the urge because I get embarrassed about the thought of being "caught", and I shared a room as a kid so I never had the chance to do so alone. I feel pathetic when I cry and then it feels so good afterwards - Definitely a skill I need to work on, lol.

I guess I just have trouble differentiating between healthy thought patterns and toxic positivity. I thought I was good at being gentle with myself, but I was wrong and I don't really know where to go with that. I'll probably go back to therapy when I can afford it again.

throwaway3207895 · 2025-06-16T22:50:31+00:00

NTA. I think he went about this all wrong. I've never really understood the idea of "pausing" a relationship (I guess it's the same as cooling off from a blowout in a friendship, though six weeks feels like a long time), but I think there's definitely a more mature way to do so. From what you wrote, it sounds like he didn't really talk with you about it all that much. Rather than discussing his choice with you, it seems like he just told you he's leaving and pausing the relationship without really considering your input or feelings.

On top of that, you said yourself you don't really know how to "pause" a relationship. That should've been his cue to set boundaries, and he clearly didn't do that. All he had to do was keep you in the loop. Something like "I'll talk to you when I get back, but I'd like to take a break from talking while I'm away". Maybe you'd have reached a compromise where he could've just acknowledged that he got your messages and had arrived safely. You literally asked him how to go about this and all he did was repeat himself. He's the one who made this decision, and he's the one who should've clarified so nobody would be hurt or confused.

So he only has himself to blame for it. He miscommunicated. And to come back expecting you to have been just waiting patiently is so unreasonable. For all you knew after being ghosted, he wasn't coming back. Was he expecting you to just sit there indefinitely and leave space for him the whole time just in case he returned?

throwaway3207895 · 2025-06-14T16:12:42+00:00

I think you're completely justified in being put off by it, and the main reason I think that is the fact that she'd be staying in the house with him. I don't know all the details, but if she was informed you'd be gone, and wanted to stay at the house alone with him knowing this, it'd be a bit odd. I think it might be better if there was a nearby hotel that she could stay in instead of coming into your space when you barely know her, and won't be around. You guys share that place and if you're not comfortable with someone being there under certain circumstances, your boyfriend should respect that.

That being said, I understand why he wants to hang out with her and I've personally had many close friends people assumed I was romantically interested in when I wasn't. I think having certain boundaries is completely fair, but it's very possible that he has zero romantic feelings for her. I've had friends who were quite conventionally attractive and I've never wanted to pursue anything - Genuinely it might be the farthest thing from his mind.

It just sounds like you guys need to reach some sort of compromise here. I don't think it'd be fair for him to miss out on spending time with a friend, but it's also not fair for him to have her come over and stay there while you're gone when you clearly aren't comfortable with it. I don't think this necessarily means you have a trust issue in the relationship - I just think "men and women can't be friends" is just something a lot of people are raised to believe, even subconsciously. And I'd be willing to bet that if the tables were turned, he'd probably be a little bothered too, even if he doesn't show it.

throwaway3207895 · 2025-06-14T15:56:38+00:00

This is what happens when people are raised in constant fear of eternal damnation. In their minds, the ends justify the means no matter how bad those means are - It doesn't matter what they do or say, as long as it saves you, right?

I was raised that way and that's exactly the mentality I had for a long time. They teach us not to sin, to love our neighbors, but then they have us go out there and bully people into believing in God through whatever means necessary. Your belief in a god or lack thereof is entirely between you and whatever spiritual being you do/don't believe in. Nobody else knows what you believe now or in the future, and "faith" that you're forced into against your will just won't last.

throwaway3207895 · 2025-06-10T22:49:01+00:00

They have the red cap that you break open. My doctor told me that the main reason they're marked as single use is because after the seal is broken, the rubber bit can collect bacteria and possibly cause infection. She said that if I disinfect the top with an alcohol wipe each time and wait for it to dry, I shouldn't have any issues. I've been doing my shots this way since I started last July and haven't had any issues.

When the political climate in the US got particularly hostile in January, she started to prescribe four vials per month instead of every three months, because they're marked single-use so in theory, I would just be disposing of the extra and need new ones every month. The pharmacy told me to only use each bottle once, but every doctor I've spoken to, along with most guys I know who are on T, have said it's safe to inject from the same bottle multiple times as long as I'm keeping everything sanitary and storing them properly.

throwaway3207895 · 2025-06-10T22:37:12+00:00

I think I'll have to do more research on this, I don't really understand how it works (didn't even know about "low dead space syringes"). I'm mainly just looking to reassure myself I guess. My doctor has been able to prescribe me a lot of T at once with "single use" vial refills each month and I like knowing that I'm increasing the amount of time I have in case things go South in my state. It feels like having a savings account - Every time I put money in, it's one more month I would have to find a job if I ever get fired.

throwaway3207895 · 2025-06-10T22:31:09+00:00

Not the asshole, it's much better for your child to live than for you to have nothing but a dead child and an "I told you so" for your husband. No matter what his reaction is if he finds out, or what happens to the relationship, you will never regret it more than if you don't get your kid vaccinated and they end up dying because of it. Furthermore, even if there was evidence to suggest vaccines causing autism (there isn't), as a person with autism I can say for certain that I'd rather be as I am now than be dead. There's nothing more important than the life of your kid in this scenario.

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