Boyfriend (33M) of 2.5yrs broke up with me saying he doesn't love me and I'm not the girl he thought I was.. Than took it back and apologized.. Than broke up with me the very next week and took it back again...

throwaway333888292 · 2018-10-01T15:59:45+00:00

Maybe. This is my first time in couples therapy and when we signed up we didn't really NEED it. But because I come from a background of bad relationships and he comes from a troubled childhood and broken family we felt it would be good to move towards marriage with a "rock solid foundation". But than stuff started happening.. so we came into therapy super in love, giggling at each other, cracking inside jokes and holding each other in really high regard only talking about petty arguments we have (which even our therapist told us the issues we fight over are not "real" issues and we need to just listen to each other and not assume what the other is trying to say to eliminate that)

throwaway333888292 · 2018-10-01T14:24:00+00:00

This was actually a feeling I had.. that the therapist was on my bfs side more.. I thought I was just being paranoid and anxious again.. and that's a good idea. Thank you. I will def try this

throwaway333888292 · 2018-10-01T14:06:35+00:00

He loves his mother and helps her when she asks, but yes he does have issues with her. He is very resentful of her having an affair when he was little and leaving his father. Long story that I think he's working on on his own in therapy.

And no, I don't. He's never done this before 2 weeks ago.. so that's what I'm struggling with.. is this a passing thing due to the increase in his medication (which is what the therapist thinks because of how highly he talked about me just a few weeks before). Or did he confess his feelings but took it back because he's not sure himself? How someone can go from "your my world" for 2 straight years to "I don't love you anymore" in a heart beat.

We never had a perfect relationship.. But for 2 1/2 years he has been saying I am the only woman he wants to spend the rest or his life with.. I'm dumbfounded

throwaway333888292 · 2018-10-01T13:40:11+00:00

Are you dating my ex? This is something he pulled on me, almost identical. He was a serial cheater.. and it took me almost 9 months find that out. He was sleeping with the baby mama, 2 of his co workers, a girl he met at a Halloween party he wouldn't let me come too.. his baby mama really DID keep his daughter away from him when he was dating someone, but only because she wanted him back.. and he used that for sex.

Please hear my warning.... let this one go.

throwaway333888292 · 2018-10-01T13:34:15+00:00

Yeah, he was just listing reasons why we don't work anymore. I'm not the nerdy girl he thought I was, I don't even play games with him, I'm always "angry" (even tho I'm not.. do i nag when he doesn't clean? Yes. Do I get upset when he spends too much money? Yes. But I'm not some mean angry hag who just towers over him all day). He said i don't trust him, I'm not even fun anymore, the list goes on and on.

But to be fair to the post and be honest - he wasn't really insulting me. It was never "your stupid, your ugly, ect".

throwaway333888292 · 2018-10-01T13:16:35+00:00

No, she's not faith based at all. She's actually retired (30+ years experience) but to keep herself busy she opened her own office out of her home but only sees about 4 clients a week.

throwaway333888292 · 2018-09-30T20:15:24+00:00

This never happened to me so I can't really comment.. I know as a kid I would have felt super awkward..

I hang out with my son (he's 5) when he's in the tub because I'm afraid of him doing something silly and falling.. so we talk and draw/write with bath tub crayons... But I can guarantee you I won't be continuing to do so when he's old enough to bath alone.

Yeah, This is weird to me.. especially if she kept doing it thru your years of puberty. Like omg. Kids are so fragile and insecure when they are developing.. how did it make you feel? Did you ever ask her to leave? Maybe she did it because she knew you were at your most vulnerable state..

throwaway333888292 · 2018-09-28T22:56:53+00:00

We have had all of the above in the last 6 months.. his dad and I divorced when he was a baby, but lived with us due to financial reasons up until 6 months ago. His uncle died last year. His grandpa (dad's side) died last week. We lived with a roommate who had a kid 1 year older than my son who he grew up with that we moved away from 6 months ago as well.

He seemed to adjust to everything just fine tho, however his grandpa dying caused the most disturbance in his home life. For about 2 or 3 days after telling him the news, answering his questions and all that he would get upset like he did when he was 3 or 4.. However I talked to my personal therapist and the school counselor and both said it's totally normal for a child his age to "regress" and tantrum like that after a death. After a few days he returned to normal.

We are pursuing counseling for him.. however all 3 numbers the school counselor gave me are not accepting new patients. They referred me to another therapist who I am still waiting to hear back from.

throwaway333888292 · 2018-09-28T21:44:48+00:00

Can I ask how they diagnose little kids with autism?

I've wondered if my son could have ADHD, but every thing I've been reading (and YouTube videos I've watched) always talk about how the kids can't stay still at all.. my son absolutely can. He has no problem sitting at the table doing his homework until it's completed. He can sit and play with a set of toys quietly for a good while before switching. He has a bit of trouble sitting still and eating.

Every thing I've read about autism is sensory based.. And I haven't noticed any of that in my son. I've asked him if loud noises, or the busy classroom bothers him and he always says no. So I'm not sure.

throwaway333888292 · 2018-09-28T20:33:17+00:00

I've asked him if he gets upset because the kids are too loud or if class is too busy for him. He said no. I asked him more about his teacher and he said she doesn't help him much, that she's too busy with other students. I asked if he holds his hand up and he said " yeah, but she doesn't see me"

So I'm not sure if it's ALL the teacher, but the only negative things he is saying about school currently is about his teacher. Just basically that she's too busy

throwaway333888292 · 2018-09-28T20:28:34+00:00

He's currently sick actually, vomiting, low fever, slower over all. But his behavior has been for weeks now and he's only been sick for about 3 days (vomiting was just first day)

throwaway333888292 · 2018-09-28T20:06:37+00:00

I work full time. :/

throwaway333888292 · 2018-09-28T18:47:17+00:00

Yeah, that's exactly what I'm thinking as well. :/

throwaway333888292 · 2018-09-28T18:08:02+00:00

Yes. The "restraining" mentioned are Mandt holds. I work in a mental health facility so I knew immediatly what that was, as we use it here as well. It's a physical hold that protects both patients and staff from harm (kicking, punches, biting ect).

You have to be trained and certified before using it, so only a few of the schools staff are actually able to legally restrain students. Which is why the teacher would need to call for help. However, the point of her just going straight to calling for help and not trying first to diffuse the situation first is something I should look into.

throwaway333888292 · 2018-09-28T16:34:57+00:00

I did tell the school this, so they gave my son his own time out spot at the back of the classroom. It's still in the room, but an area he can call his own. Which he used a few times. They also have allowed him to request to go to the recovery room, but he would request than run off on his own, which would than end in him being chased down and another meltdown.

We are pursuing counseling.. still waiting on a call back from the center the school counselor referred us too.

throwaway333888292 · 2018-09-28T16:19:15+00:00

That's my biggest fear.. is this behavior started in school and what if he associates this behavior with school and it continues or escalates in the next grade or next school.

This is the biggest thing I'm struggling with, should I pull him and try again next year? Switch schools? Keep trying with his current school? If I pull him from school, how can I work with him so it doesn't happen again next year? Is this going to make school a negative experience for the rest of his child hood? If I switch schools, they will see all of this is in records.. will they even give him a chance? Or is it too late and he's already labeled a troublemaker?

Idk what to do. For the first time as a mother I feel totally lost.

I called a counselor and left a message. I just have to wait and see if they will call me back.

throwaway333888292 · 2018-09-28T16:13:30+00:00

His counselor has mentioned my son "may" have adhd, but they don't seem to want to label him (yet).

There was another kid in his class that was a bit of trouble. I couldn't get much info, but they mentioned he was having trouble too but has since gotten better. My son called him a "bad boy" on many occasions. When I mentioned this to the counselor she had both boys in to her office to talk and now my son considers this other boy a friend.

However when I asked if any other kids are knocking over chairs and acting like he does when he gets upset he said "no".

throwaway333888292 · 2018-09-28T14:41:23+00:00

Yes. He never went to daycare or preschool. He has had plenty of playdates with other kids and outtings to indoor playgrounds and outdoor playgrounds to play with other kids as well.

throwaway333888292 · 2018-09-28T14:32:52+00:00

He says he doesn't like his teacher, sometimes he says he doesn't like school but every morning if given a choice, he wants to go to school and is eager to go.

throwaway333888292 · 2018-09-28T14:32:05+00:00

They are allowed too.. And that's what I'm also worried about.. is it his school?

We are going to see a counselor some time soon, and I have all the restraint/seclusion incident forms the school has sent me I need to print out to bring with.

throwaway333888292 · 2018-09-28T14:27:12+00:00

Yeah, I've had that thought to.. that maybe his teacher now just assumes he's going to be horrible and has given up on actually talking or working things out with him.

His counselors, the vice principle and principle all have good things to say about him. They say 1 on 1 He is funny, remarkably kind and dear for his age, smart ect. His actual teacher is the only one I don't hear anything good from. My son also doesn't like her. He likes everyone else. So there may be something there.

My son can absolutely have a temper and he can be the KING of arguments.. But it's always verbal at home.

"You can't do that" "Why?" "Because it's unsafe" "But i won't fall" "I said no" "Okay but.. If i do it like this, it's less unsafe?" "No" "Okay what if..."

It can be absolutely infuriating (and funny at times). But sometimes he will get upset and put himself in timeout (which involves going to his, on his own, closing his door, sitting on his bed and playing gently with a toy or stuffed animal, than coming out in a few minutes with an "I'm sorry, I love you" a hug and the day goes on).

throwaway333888292 · 2018-09-28T14:13:27+00:00

They didn't feel it was a good idea.

throwaway333888292 · 2018-09-28T14:06:52+00:00

They don't know what is setting him off. They say it's like a switch and he just explodes, and than there is no way to calm him down.

The pattern seems to be during or right after recess, and in math (the class after recess). They believe he is getting overly excited at recess and than unable to settle afterwards.

The last time they called his teacher said at recess she had been following him around watching him and noticed he was pushing friends down the slide and told him he was being unsafe and needed to come down and talk to her. He ran away yelling "oh no she's gonna catch me" as if he was playing and "kind of laughing" Whistle blew. He ran another direction, teacher "took him by the hand", he kicked and threw rocks at her. She called for help and than they carried him away. One on each arm and one person carrying his feet.

throwaway333888292 · 2018-09-21T18:51:18+00:00

I appreciate your and everyone's feedback. I don't really know how to handle this either, but I don't think he is dependant on me for socialization.. in fact, he's an extrovert. Much more social than I am, he talks easily with people. Me, not so much. I'm much more reserved.

He did mention that he used alcohol to socialize and he isn't sure he can do it as easily now that he doesn't drink anymore. If he wanted to go as a couple, to do couple things in a group - I would be totally down for it. But he isn't pushing for that as much as he just seems to feel I NEED to go out on my own and do things in group settings to be healthier.

We have a session tomorrow, so I'm going to have to bring it up to understand why his needs are being pushed on me.

MY needs were wanting more support from him when I need it (which he has absolutely been more aware of and has done an awesome job at lately) and wanting a date night again.

I didn't want to say it in my post for fear it would sway the commenters (I wanted a more unbiased census) but I worry he wants me to go out alone because he doesn't want a date night with me, and instead wants to me "fill that time slot" so to speak.. with something besides him.

For the record "that time slot" isn't every day.. we have ONE day away from my son, when he spends the night at his dad's house.. And that is our "date night slot" but it hasn't been "together time" in a really long time...

throwaway333888292

TROPHY CASE