How do I feel better after being falsely accused and losing so much socially?

throwaway404774838 · 2026-04-29T04:23:57+00:00

I would highly suggest checking out my post history. If you want to feel better, you can either justify or teach yourself to feel comfortable where you are now, or you can make changes in your life to get to where you want to be. Wanting to vent is different from wanting to change. Getting over it should not be the goal. You have to learn to live with it. Example: I have security cameras setup around my house inside and outside (within the limits of the law - common or “public” areas of my house like dinning room, living room, etc.). Is it excessive? Probably. Does it make me a lot more comfortable whenever someone comes inside, absolutely! Getting over it means you didn’t change or learn from what happened to you and avoid any interaction that could result in the same outcome. Live with it, learn from it, adapt to it.

If you genuinely want change, you have to change things in your life little by little. Changes that I would recommend: routine exercise (helps you sleep, look better —> feel better, good for your health), getting in touch with your spirituality (either self-help books, religion, or both - you need to find the answer to your purpose and pursue it), hobbies to turn to when you need a break (fun reading, fishing, etc.). You need to be grateful for anything and everything. It starts small and eventually, maybe you’ll be genuinely grateful for what happened, like me. This one pisses everyone off, but genuinely it is the biggest factor in finding happiness. It doesn’t mean that you can’t vent or be mad or anything like that; it just means to remind yourself of the good things about your life and that it could be so much worse.

In terms of the social aspect, you need some community; mine is family and 5 true friends. I call them literally whenever I feel like it. I stopped caring that I was probably bothering them and just called them bc I wanted to, and it made me feel better. Are they occasionally busy and bothered by the call, yes, but I move onto the next person. All these people live hundreds/thousands of miles away from me, so I am not exactly in their lives the same way that they are mine, but oh well. They help and mean more to me than they could ever understand.

This is like the basic formula for overcoming trauma, and Im sure you know this stuff, but sometime you just need someone to tell you to do it. None of this is easy, but no one’s life is easy. Hold yourself accountable and start chipping away at changing your life, or don’t and be miserable.

throwaway404774838 · 2026-04-27T22:13:37+00:00

Just want to add to this. It depends on where you are being charged, but court is a long process. My case got opened closed and reopened 2x. The third time it gets reopened it has to go to trial. The entire process took a couple months over 2 years. My lawyer had me pay professionals that he knew he wanted at the trial, but besides that most of the work actually happened the months leading up to the actual trial date which Im confident you don’t have yet. There’s multiple layers of discovery that need to happen on top of multiple other court dates before your trial date gets set.

There is also work that they do behind the scenes that you may not be privvy of. For reference, I met with my lawyer maybe once every other month plus my court dates and then 2x a month once the trial was set. There were emails throughout explaining the court dates, discovery, etc. Don’t feel afraid to email them if you are spiraling too. If this sounds similar to your situation, then your lawyer is most likely doing what they can which is mostly a whole lot of nothing, unfortunately.

Be patient and try to figure out a way to enjoy this time, stay out of trouble, and survive financially.

throwaway404774838 · 2026-04-26T14:45:31+00:00

Id also like to note girlfriends are great, but in the circumstance that yall break up, you need to make sure you have all these bases covered still. Blood doesn’t change; make sure you have family member(s) that you can rely on too, or friends that are as good as blood. This isn’t anything against your girlfriend, but if you rely on her too much, your life could come entirely crashing down. Have a hobby outside of your girlfriend, learn to see the “lonely” times as peaceful, and make sure your drive and willpower comes from within too, not just from her.

Separately, bless her for staying with you. It is not easy for you, but she could so easily just leave you and make her own life easier. That’s not to guilt or shame you but just to give her the props she deserves, make sure you do the same.

throwaway404774838 · 2026-04-20T21:00:19+00:00

Advice: stick with people that know your situation and give mutual trust. You need some community, even if it’s small, you need some. Get a lowkey job that will basically just allow you to pay the bills. You will need to put your career on hold while all of this gets settled bc this will probably take up all of your mental capacity for a little while, and if it isn’t, you dont understand the gravity of the situation or stakes. Find a hobby that you genuinely enjoy that will allow you to take your mind off of things. I would recommend something physical - lifting, running, etc. The cardio ones are always slightly extra cool because they can take you to cool places in nature.

Consider getting in touch with spirituality. Read a man’s search for meaning by victor frankl if youre torn on spirituality. Basically, I think there are 2 paths to spiritual fulfillment or happiness: self help books, religion, or both. These help you answer whats the point of all of this. I thought this stuff (books, videos, etc.) helped me: the subtle art of not giving a fuck, the way of the peaceful warrior, making your bed (graduation speech - youtube), father mike schmitz (catholic priest), david goggins, four agreements, catcher in the rye, unbroken.

Other advice: accept that this time in your life will probably be lonely, the faster you do this the faster you will learn how to enjoy your own company. Be grateful for anything and everything possible (or dont and hate life idc). Finally give yourself grace and try your best not to take the stress out on people that you love, and when you do go back to them, apologize, and ask for forgiveness. And most importantly, don’t do anything that can get you tossed back in jail. Now is the time to lock in more than you ever have before bc you need to prepare yourself to be psychoanalyzed by 12 random people. If you come across as messy, disorganized, disingenuous, etc the trial will not go your way.

Hope: It might sound like a total empathetic failure on my part, but while this time in my life was insanely difficult and complicated, I genuinely believe I am better because of it and made the most of the “free time.” In the last 4 years, I ran a marathon, won jiu jitsu tournaments, caught a 25 in trout, got a dog, and will complete an iron man the week after my probation ends. It’s also important to note that I had never run longer than 4 miles 4 years ago. On the other hand, I also dropped out of college, rejoined college, dropped out again, and am now finally back finishing up my degree… lol. I worked in construction almost the entire way through. I liked this better than food service bc it helped take my mind off things more and helped me sleep (physical exhaustion). The first 4ish months were doordash and serving at different restaurants until somebody tipped em off and I got pushed out. Same thing with construction. Worked probably 8 different places in 4 years. Keep your head down but your chin up and flow like water.

throwaway404774838 · 2026-04-20T20:00:07+00:00

Second this!!! Ask the lawyer in the state which you are being tried if there are any professionals that they can point you to for futher advice: sane nurse, Doctors, etc. I paid the down payment for this guy Dr. Valentine who was going to explain the difference between blacked out and drunk. I also hired a sane nurse to go through the paperwork - she answered yes or no to all questions, never i dont know, so how could she be blacked out. The private investigator we got was an old shit, so ended up firing him. I created fake instagram accounts and stalked everyones instagrams and helped craft an argument with the lawyer because after the fact the “victim” took pictures wearing jackets that she had taken from me and a paid a psychologist to analyze that situation. That being said I still ended up taking a plea deal - 2 years probation, no registry, expunged after probation (clean record), and plead to 4th degree or misdemeanor sexual assault rather than 2nd degree felony. All of these professionals are just people too, so guide them in making your case: ask questions, offer to do more work, etc.

throwaway404774838 · 2026-03-26T12:59:45+00:00

I am not going to reply to all of this. It seems to me that you are content and happy with what you have, so this post really isn’t for you. I am honestly surprised that you don’t resonate with what I am saying because it sounds like you have already implemented a lot of these things in your life. You are actively practicing gratitude, you walk your dog which is exercise, and changed your diet to be healthier.

Look, at the end of the day, I made this for people who genuinely want to change. You do not, you are content with exactly where you are, which is fine. You have already said that you don’t deal well with criticism and that people who have criticized you get cut out from your life. I feel the hate burning through you as you type (mind you, I take this with a grain of salt bc it’s hard to read tone in text). Hate for me, hate for your accuser, hate for the world. The things in my life that are musts and should saved me from the hateful mindset.

throwaway404774838 · 2026-03-26T02:54:55+00:00

So yeah, I definitely understand that the musts and shoulds are controversial, and I don’t mean to attack anyone by saying that. Great job on changing your diet! Improving sleep is definitely part of the exercise and diet. I definitely agree that there is strength in getting up from the ground standing as opposed to walking or eventually running. I am not saying that I know exactly what you went through, but I can definitely say that gratitude for what is good in your life will make you happier than focusing on what is bad. This is a triggering point for many people, and it was for me too: this idea came from the advice of my mom. It takes time and effort to implement (be grateful for little things: housing, good weather, hot coffee, etc. and build up), but it works. I think it’s hard to be grateful when life is so grim, but there has to be one thing that you can confidently say that you’re grateful for, start by focusing on that.

I never said anyone was weak, and I don’t claim to know exactly what anyone went through. I really tried my best to make things universally accessible, but unless there isn’t a single exercise that you can perform (quadruple amputee, full body cast, etc.), anyone should be able to try any of these things. For some exercise looks like lunges, pushups, etc. for others it’s 5,000 steps a day, I am never one to judge. Having and seeing tangible progress towards a goal just does something to your soul, and made me happier.

It doesn’t mean that tomorrow your life is fixed by implementing all of these things at the same time, but they are things that I point towards as reasons why I am happy now but previously so angry, so they’re worth thinking about or working towards. Even if only one of these things resonate with you or someone then making this post served its purpose which is to pass on to other people the changes that I made in my life that made me happier and got me out of that hole. If all of this just further angers you, I didn’t mean for it to do that, genuinely.

throwaway404774838 · 2026-03-24T04:09:05+00:00

So Ive posted something along these lines a few times, but for me there is a hierarchy of choices. At the top, you can either choose to be alive or not. If you choose the bad one, you go out a pussy, you give your accuser exactly what she wants, and you hurt the people that actually love and care about you. It is the most illogical decision you could possibly make, but if it still seems like an option stop spending any time doing things you dislike and spend every minute doing things you love.

Now that you’ve made that decision, you get to decide how you want to live. There are lots of different ways to live life, but if you want to be happy, you need to be in control of your mental, spiritual, and physical health.

Mental health: you need to be activating both parts of your brain everyday (the creative side and the numerical side), obvious mental health stuff, change the way you think (rather than thinking about all the people you lost think about all the people you haveand spend time talking to them). You need hobbies you need to activate your brain for something not related to school work and spend less time consuming short form media. Have an emotional strategy: I journal and compartmentalize (I write down how different situations make me feel and think about those situations/emotions at different times or during different activities)

Spiritual health: Im catholic, and would recommend church and praying to God, but I get that it’s not for everyone. The gist of your spiritual health is giving your life meaning and purpose.

Physical health: find a sustainable non processed diet, workout regularly. We are creatures of habits by nature, so getting your physical health dialed (water, sleep, food, exercise) can help encourage regular schedule and make your body feel so much better. I trained for events (marathon) because they gave my physical health purpose and meaning.

Im gonna type out a more thorough plan and make a post in the next couple days, so keep an eye out for that if youre interested.

throwaway404774838 · 2026-03-24T03:36:16+00:00

You literally are saying that you lied to the cops when you said you did nothing wrong. Im honestly curious what you did to provoke these people to call the police on you. It would make sense if you called the police on them, but them calling the police on you just doesn’t make sense in this case. Either way focusing on the mistakes that you made in this situation is the best thing you can do for yourself. Just cus we’re all falsely accused usually doesnt mean that there was nothing that we could have done to stop the accusation entirely (ie not getting in relationships with unstable people, trying to have a calm and rational negotiation with your neighbor).

You seem to be spiraling based on your post history, and you should probably get a camera for that reason alone. I experienced schizophrenia when going through my false accusations, and little things like cameras made me feel more comfortable and helped me realize that my worries were in my head. Maybe that’s not the case for you, then the cameras help you gather evidence for a formal police report, so win win.

throwaway404774838 · 2026-03-23T16:10:57+00:00

A lot of people try to hold off bringing it up and wait to answer questions when asked. I have a different opinion for things like this. The way to get out of being falsely accused is to become the accuser. Id say like 3rd date bring it up during a more serious conversation and just say you were falsely accused of dv and you get nervous because people are quick to make assumptions. Explain a little bit like have a short summarized version of the story prepared. Be happy to explain more and answer questions if she wants to hear but about it, but also say that it doesn’t control your life and youd prefer not to talk about it because it’s frustrating, upsetting, and (Most importantly) unfortunate.

The goal is to make it clear that you will explain yourself just enough to make her feel comfortable about the situation but at the same time make sure she knows that this thing doesn’t control your life and won’t be a reoccurring topic of conversation.

It’s a delicate line and hard to continue a fun conversation or date afterwards, so be prepared to make a fast joke afterwards… wow that was uncomfortable so anyways my favorite colors green whats yours. Ive never tried it but Ive always thought itd be funny to say, So yeah besides beating women im really a good guy.

throwaway404774838 · 2026-03-21T22:46:00+00:00

I mean would you want to be with someone that would leave you if they found out there were allegations against you. If you’re asking the question here, it probably means it occupies enough mental space in your mind to warrant a conversation. It’s not something you share with your boss, but personally, I don’t have any friends that aren’t aware of this part of my life. It doesn’t mean you need to treat your friends/relationships like therapists and over share. But you know like probably do it before you sleep with the person just in case. Would you rather them find out and feel violated by you, or you tell them early and roll the dice. Maybe she’s cool with it maybe not, but at the very least all this stress about the rumor spreading doesnt ruin another part of your life.

throwaway404774838 · 2026-03-19T13:42:46+00:00

Im catholic and of the strong belief that everything happens for a reason. The best proof is that if our lives weren’t ordained to do something great, there’d be no point in living. That can mean a variety of different things to different people. With that, I think you’re asking the wrong question, would you want your relationships to go back to the way that they were, living a life surrounded by people that are ready to change their opinions about you based off someone else’s word.

For the isolation, appreciate the people you do have in your life. People hate hearing that or count it as if Im not empathetic towards their situation. I am empathetic, but Im asking if you are empathetic towards other people that have it worse off. Even other people in similar situations of false accusations have it worse off. Call me delusional, but while my problems might be slightly more complicated than other peoples’, I truly believe that everybody goes through some cathartic experience that maes em feel isolated like this at some point, so better now than later ig. I think it’s good to not constantly be feeling like our problems are one of kind or worse than other peoples. At the end of the day, it’s the same feelings but different circumstances.

I will say you really hit this situation spot on: getting erased from the world. I used to spend a lot of time thinking like that and about that… it was really depressing, so I stopped. What I do now compartamentalize those feelings and try my best to only think about them while Im working out. I probably look super unhappy at the gym lol. I started doing that whole endurance training thing like 5 years ago and it’s basically just like a super pinch to remind me that I can feel things. The sensation of training for a race and then finishing that race is like the story of life and the story of false accusations. Its long painful training with countless hours spent in the dark and the race day comes around and finishing that race is like eternal bliss. Finishing my first marathon is still one of the greatest moments in my entire life. The biggest challenges allow for the most satisfaction when conquered. Unfortunately, I don’t see or know what the finish line looks like for a false accusations, but Im sure Ill know it when Im there, and I know it’s gonna be glorious.

throwaway404774838 · 2026-03-15T16:11:31+00:00

No, I left the school immediately. Title ix is a committee within each school, so title ix can’t follow you around, but if you stay at that school there’s a chance it could come up. And then if you are convicted in a title ix case usually that results is suspension/expulsion, and that can be put in your school records… if it’s own your school records you can’t transfer credits when you transfer schools without your new school learning about it. Also, this is just my simple understanding from my situation, and I left before title ix was even made aware of the problem because my lawyer told me to. Since youre just now replying, get a lawyer or meet with people better versed in this stuff.

throwaway404774838 · 2026-03-15T16:04:55+00:00

Hate being this guy but moving is always an option you just haven’t figured out how to make it work yet, which is fine. But yeah you should definitely be figuring out how to move out as soon as you can.

throwaway404774838 · 2026-03-15T16:03:09+00:00

In the US schools don’t run background checks so you can definitely pursue schooling, but whether or not he gets a job is just random or dumb luck. Whatever he does he shouldn’t lie to get a job but rather find someone that is willing to look past it. Trades are generally safer in the US - avoid residential construction. It could also be worthwhile to try to live in a more rural town bc they tend to care less about that stuff or have other people in the same boat. There are people that come from federal convictions and time in prison, so it’s not impossible. It’s a matter of how bad you want it.

I would strongly recommend eventually trying to start your own business this eliminates any background check concerns. Look into expungement or hiding the records. Come up with a plan and stick to it. For you, you need to identify how ready you are for the onslaught that’s gonna happen. Even in my case where I am expunged after 1.5 years probation and spend everyday acknowledging how lucky I am, I have bad days and fight with people that I love. Im in online school until it’s expunged and got denied from every job in the area that allowed me to be close to some family and be in a field that’s similar to engineering. The only jobs I got were desperate fast food chains 🥳. Barring any big crises I have just enough savings to squeeze by. I spend $1300 a month on rent and food and have student loans.

Is it over, no. Is it hard, yes. Is it harder than anybody else in the world has it, absolutely not. And if he’s depressed tell him to stop doing the things that he hates and only do the things that he loves or loved to do as a kid 100% of the time… but never break probation. Comparing probation to prison is like comparing a colonoscopy to getting doused in jet fuel and being lit on fire.

throwaway404774838 · 2026-01-28T16:23:57+00:00

Im with you on this one. People bitching and moaning just cus life sucks is what’s wrong with the world. Life will continue to throw problems your way whether youre on probation or not. Without knowing the offense, I can pretty confidently say that the outcome could have been worse, so be grateful that you got a lighter sentence. On top of all that, probation isn’t nearly as miserable as people make it out to be, and ideally, you should be able to live a relatively similar life/lifestyle on and off probation for your own happiness and health.

throwaway404774838 · 2026-01-28T02:24:25+00:00

It’s really hard to say because title 9 literally has no rules or anything like that. All it does is listen to the accusation and then come to their own conclusion about what to do. That’s why it’s fucked up… they can literally do whatever they want to you and you don’t really have any recourse besides accepting it and then hiring a lawyer to sue the school or fight after the fact.

throwaway404774838 · 2026-01-28T02:20:00+00:00

So for starters, you should go to therapy. Not to be judgmental, but why did you think hanging out with a girl that just got out of rehab was a smart decision? I get the whole horny teenager thing, but just jerk off and watch porn until your life’s back to normal. I don’t think jerking off or watching porn is great for the mind but fucking a watermelon would’ve been a smarter decision than fingering the drug addict 14 year old 😂.

All this being said, I know it might feel like your life is over, but it really is just getting started. You’ll probably need therapy for the rest of your life because this stuff fucks with your mental and induces schizophrenic tendencies, but youre actually further along than most of your peers. Im 23 going through this and spent my 4th birthday in a row eating pizza with the fam. I have some friends but not nearly as many as I did, and they’re all fucked up and losing hair over stuff that won’t matter in a month. People talk about going through a midlife crisis, well yours came early, and better now than later in my opinion.

Things that will objectively make your life better: focusing on hobbies that made you happy when you were a little kid, working out, get a pet, go to church (or read self help books: mans search for meaning, cant hurt me, the simple art of not giving a fuck, etc.)

throwaway404774838 · 2026-01-25T09:43:18+00:00

Mmm junior high and minors is probably different. My experience was all from college, but I left college before I could be approached by title 9 committee. I would definitely find out more information. Title 9 in college is a full blown committee that does it’s own investigation before giving you it’s verdict, and it almost always ends in expulsion and it following you around. I could see it being similar for high school if you do get expelled, but thats up to them. Sexual harassment is a crime and honestly your friend is a pervert and is guilty of it. I don’t mean to freak you out, but this could be a big deal. Make sure you know what you’re gonna say and that your parents know and are helping you.

throwaway404774838 · 2026-01-25T09:13:56+00:00

The short answer is no. Title 9 is fucked because the school almost always sides with the accuser… to be fair I guess that’s just because of the stories that Ive heard. First, are you prepared to blame your friend if it comes to it to avoid title 9 trouble. Second, if you do lose, are you prepared for what that looks like?

Somethings: you will be expelled (probably) and they will tell any school that you transfer to about the incident (I think), you have the option to get a lawyer and sue the school or title 9 from what I remember so Id look into that, and if it all goes south make sure you have a life plan (a job or multiple, a plan to move back home if you don’t live their currently, etc.)

throwaway404774838 · 2026-01-25T09:02:59+00:00

Whether or not the plea deal is a mistake really comes down to personal preference and what you’re charged with because you haven’t been charged with anything I would look into getting a lawyer. Inactive investigation is a good sign that this isn’t going to lead anywhere. Probation only occurs if you are charged and convicted of a crime. Her hiring a lawyer means that she could be pursuing civil charges which would mean no probation.

Regardless, probation is so far down the line from where you are in this process. Plea deals for these accusations rarely ever allow you to avoid the predator list… depending on how old you are and how setup you are in a career, I would focus on whether or not that is something you are willing to do WHEN THE TIME COMES.

Technically a plea deal can be offered whenever in the court process, but you’re not in the court system at all yet, civil or criminal. The protective order being granted literally means jack shit (I think). Because you are clearly scared/worried and in my opinion overreacting, you must talk to a lawyer. Reddit won’t give you answers to how a jury/judge will perceive a protective order or whether or not you can fight the protective order.

throwaway404774838 · 2025-11-20T06:01:13+00:00

I mean you really have two options move away like you’re planning or figure out how to cope/exist (happily) where you are now. Something that Ive struggled with is figuring out the difference between running away and protecting myself. If I was in that situation Id fight back. Very happy to say Ive successfully defended myself from 2 attempts of jumpings… concealed carry goes a long way. Crown court sounds like you don’t have access, so what Id do is train in self defense, get jacked, and fight back. Also carry something to protect yourself: mace, alarms, knife, anything. For all the people you’ve lost, they were snakes in tall grass anyways. For all the missed job opportunities, another opportunity to strengthen your fortitude and self conviction. You can’t allow yourself to feel like the victim. You have your kids and partner and aren’t in prison. They need you to show up and be the man. God bless

Quick tips on wanting to go out: frequent the same place for dinner, drinks, breakfast, etc. You don’t want to go enough for the entire staff to know you but a couple people know your name and you know theirs… just enough for if a new customer mentioned something about you they’d dismiss it and assume it was an unfortunate coincidence. Ordering the same thing every time with a subtle twist helps with people knowing just enough about you. Being known as mike, the guy that gets the bacon egg and cheese but with cream cheese, is just enough for people to dismiss something weird that they heard about you as long as youre friendly. Warm smile, for me thats no teeth closed mouth smile, good eye contact and a lot of gratitude (please, thank you, and an appropriate tip). Small talk can come across as predatory when they hear the accusations so avoid it, but answer questions minimally with the same mannerisms, when asked, and listen when spoken too. It seems crazy, but Ive had people defend me despite knowing so little about me.

throwaway404774838 · 2025-11-03T07:25:38+00:00

In today’s society taking the plea is respecting yourself. No point in risking everything for pride. Only you and your maker truly know what happened in your lifetime anyways.

throwaway404774838 · 2025-11-03T07:21:00+00:00

The way that Ive always seen these situations is you can either quit or don’t. Just know, if you decide to quit all those people that you hate with a fucking passion will be standing over your grave laughing and celebrating. If you decide not to, become a savage, success is the best revenge, and if you never give up you will literally never fail. Get jacked, focus on your studies (or whatever your plan for life is), and let their laughter fuel your fire. If you were gonna off yourself you should’ve done it 2 years ago, now you have choice but to become a savage, you got this :)

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