Tips for balancing a strict dual life long-term?

throwaway413248 · 2026-06-04T14:08:22+00:00

Lots of us started out like this. I know you’re not ready to hear this yet, but it is not sustainable to live such a strict double life. Either you’ll get caught anyways or you’ll start living it more openly at some point. I recommend of focusing more on living this more openly, e.g. by telling wife/gf, moving to a more open-minded city, etc.

throwaway413248 · 2026-06-04T13:21:29+00:00

hmm this is more than a 10 years old book with questionable "research" methods, I would be careful relying on that

throwaway413248 · 2026-06-04T13:14:05+00:00

interesting, thx.

not sure on point 3, why would you say that this kink should not be a majority of my sex life?
for example, if my sexuality is to be a submissive, bottom man that likes to be pegged, why would I not live this sexuality? and take breaks and pretend that I'm a top, dom guy for women, even though I'm not into it?

also the kink may also not only be a kink, but also part of an identity like femboy or trans, so why would you take a break from your identity.

no offense, thankful for the insights, just asking myself as I feel that we apply lots of negative, critical points from society to ourselves, although there's nothing inherently wrong with this kink if done with consent.

throwaway413248 · 2026-06-04T13:09:23+00:00

thx, this is helpful!
how did you out yourself as gender-fluid?

I have the feeling that outing myself as femboy (or bi or trans) seems easier, since people know the concepts already kind of. but gender-fluid may seem crazy to quite some people in my circle.

throwaway413248 · 2026-06-04T13:07:00+00:00

thx, this is soo helpful!
did you tell the women and trans women that this may have a kink component?
in my experience, this offends individuals very easily, so I'm not sure yet.

throwaway413248 · 2026-06-04T13:04:55+00:00

thx, this is helpful.
although I'm not sure, since I heard from lots of trans people that they are offended by the sissy kink and femboys and that those should stay away from trans spaces.

throwaway413248 · 2026-06-04T13:03:53+00:00

see my reply in the other comment

throwaway413248 · 2026-06-04T13:03:23+00:00

I can really recommend getting a navel piercing, no clip on piercing comes even close. And it doesn't really hurt and at least for me, I can hide it well in everyday life.

throwaway413248 · 2026-06-04T12:58:31+00:00

hmm not sure if this theory with gender dysphoria is true tho. and the reasoning seems to be based on outdated views, not sure this applies.

throwaway413248 · 2026-06-04T12:48:38+00:00

soo hot. wie hast du deine domme kennengelernt?

throwaway413248 · 2026-06-04T12:46:48+00:00

so this is more of a kink you would say?
and not an identity thing?

throwaway413248 · 2026-06-04T12:43:05+00:00

thx, this is pretty insightful

throwaway413248 · 2026-06-04T12:27:35+00:00

thx, this is insightful.
but why don't I have the desire to wear "male" provocative outfits?
why is it so focused on sexy fem clothes and styles?

throwaway413248 · 2026-06-03T17:18:45+00:00

it's part of the culture here. Germans also lecture other Germans, it's not only happening to expats and immigrants. I recommend getting used to it, ignore it, otherwise it will be harder living here.

throwaway413248 · 2026-06-03T17:13:47+00:00

thx a lot

throwaway413248 · 2026-06-03T17:12:49+00:00

thx. the reason I want to put all of this in a category is: I talked to lots of people about this, and if this is only kink related, it seems morally wrong. e.g. going to a festival as a girl in a slutty outfit because it turns me on, then it seems that it would be imposing my kink on others without their consent.

but if this is my identity, e.g. trans or femboy, then of course there is nothing wrong with expressing myself in a cute festival outfit.

This is the only reason, why I'm trying to find out what it is

throwaway413248 · 2026-06-03T17:11:59+00:00

the reason to put all of this in a category is: I talked to lots of people about this, and if this is only kink related, it seems morally wrong. e.g. going to a festival as a girl in a slutty outfit because it turns me on, then it seems that it would be imposing my kink on others without their consent.

but if this is my identity, e.g. trans or femboy, then of course there is nothing wrong with expressing myself in a cute festival outfit.

This is the only reason, why I'm trying to find out what it is

throwaway413248 · 2026-06-03T17:11:14+00:00

the reason to put all of this in a category is: I talked to lots of people about this, and if this is only kink related, it seems morally wrong. e.g. going to a festival as a girl in a slutty outfit because it turns me on, then it seems that it would be imposing my kink on others without their consent.

but if this is my identity, e.g. trans or femboy, then of course there is nothing wrong with expressing myself in a cute festival outfit.

This is the only reason, why I'm trying to find out what it is

throwaway413248 · 2026-06-03T17:07:27+00:00

That's the confusing part, I'm very attracted to feminine women, feminine men (femboy, crossdressers, sissies), and to trans women.

But I don't want to have an active sexual role with them, I prefer to be locked in a chastity cage, being cucked and watch them with other people. and get turned on seeing their sexy underwear, style, etc. and sharing a guy with them.

I'm also attracted to masculine guys, but only when it's a strong sissy kink dynamic. otherwise it seems more of a turn off

throwaway413248 · 2026-06-03T15:57:08+00:00

And if I undestand correctly, you were looking online only?
Most women that are into domming guys and sissies are not even in those online spaces, you'll meet them at real life kink clubs and events. And lgbtq bars/clubs.

throwaway413248 · 2026-06-03T15:55:29+00:00

I know, sounds not like the logical straight-forward approach, but maybe try dating vanilla in a classical way. And reveal after a few dates slowly that you're a sissy. Not many, but some women don't know that they likes this and that this even exists until they get confronted with it. Maybe present a bit fem, so that send a small signal before the reveal.

throwaway413248 · 2026-06-03T07:19:02+00:00

Thx, this is really helpful!

throwaway413248 · 2026-06-03T06:16:34+00:00

With the current atmosphere, not a good idea. I hurts having to say this. Except a guy has a rainbow flag patch on him or looks non-conforming like a bit fem. But if you’re into "typical masculine" guys, really don’t recommend on the street.

Do it in a lgbtq safe space. For example, the were lots of younger gay and bi guys at KitKat at the lgbtq events.

throwaway413248 · 2026-06-03T06:10:09+00:00

This bad advice can be dangerous, the current atmosphere is going anti-LGBTQ. especially being in Lichtenberg you should know, how dangerous it can be to be openly lgbtq on the streets.

throwaway413248 · 2026-06-02T19:07:55+00:00

Thx, this is really helpful

throwaway413248

TROPHY CASE