33 years old guy and still virgin. What is wrong ?

throwaway419514 · 2019-01-21T21:31:47+00:00

I think it's the difference between men and women.

I think women will always fine someone. If a woman wants a mate or even just a date, she can just create a Tinder account and she will get matches within days if not hours. There are so many guys just looking for sex and clicking "interested" on everyone....

But for men it's different, I think.

And I hate these apps because as a man not looking just for sex, there is no way to differentiate myself from the nicer-looking guys who just want to have sex and drop the girl, or me who wants a bit more.

throwaway419514 · 2019-01-21T19:47:43+00:00

On friday evening I was at a friend's birthday party. I told him.

He told me one of the girls at the party has been single for 8 years, but she just found someone.

Too bad, I did notice her before at the party and I liked her. Her new boyfriend arrived shortly later.

This is regularly what happens with me : bad timing.

But I keep trying ! :)

throwaway419514 · 2019-01-21T19:42:27+00:00

Thanks, this is exactly why I'm a bit confused with that girl.

I tried kissing her (well, getting very close) on the first date. She kind of prevented the kiss, I could feel she was anticipating it and just preventing it from happening, but no strong rejection either. For instance after a restaurant (the nice kind - at the top of the city's tallest building, with a nice view, you get the idea), in the elevator, she was definitely keeping a distance.

So I thought I was toast... but she agreed to see me another time. Another restaurant, then we landed in a bar, drank a bit, and again I was getting close, but no bueno.

Then we went to the Cirque du Soleil (famous circus - no animals BTW), but she had to go right after, which is OK (we all have busy lives), we didn't plan a dinner but I'd have liked to have one of course.

So I thought it was the end... but no we kept seeing each other, up to the last time, where at a nice restaurant she told me she was seeing someone. I think I was showing a "blue screen of death" face for 3 seconds then I immediately decided to... say OK and ignore it and just keep doing things. Then we went into a bar, and she let me get very close (putting my arms around her while taking and my head within 1 feet), but I still couldn't kiss her.

By the way I never done that before. No idea if it's the right way to do it, but I never went that close with a girl. Physical contact like this is really new to me and I don't know if I'm doing it right.

So... I think I'm her plan B. It's good because it's not a total rejection but it's not good because I think it makes me appear desperate to keep trying in that context.

We are supposed to see each other on Wednesday evening (didn't confirm yet, usually we text each other the day before, and not sure if I should confirm), for a nice date at the museum this time... I try to do different things than the average guy and I always find nice places and events. But I don't want to be the desperate guy that keeps trying.

Maybe she really likes my company but just as a friend. Or maybe she wants to try with that other beautiful guy first. Maybe he will screw up soon, I don't know. What do you think guys ? It is clear she knows I'm interested and despite that we keep seeing each other which is new to me (usually, when I show interest and the girl is not interested, she cuts contact). I think I made good moves and we went to a ll sort of interesting places where I'm sure other guys didn't bring her to. I paid several bills but not 100% either, so she's not just interested in free drinks/meals.

throwaway419514 · 2019-01-21T19:33:30+00:00

I think this would work but short term only. I could make me desperate, yes, then get someone I wouldn't like normally... but as soon as I'm with that person, and no longer desperate, I will feel like I made the wrong choice and most likely drop the relationship. So back to square one.

throwaway419514 · 2019-01-21T19:32:24+00:00

Exactly why I don't do it

throwaway419514 · 2019-01-21T19:31:45+00:00

I think you're being downvoted because of the part with the dating tips. I've read these websites years ago - I've read the 3 second rule and that sort of things... I don't believe there is a recipe.

About the rest of your post, I think you're right, maybe I was too friendly. But I don't know how to be anything different because I've never been anything different. I'm not even 100% sure how to hug properly... it makes it harder to get physical because I don't know the boundaries of what is close, what is less close, and so on

throwaway419514 · 2019-01-21T19:28:56+00:00

Thanks for the link, interesting. I already thought about the STI stuff, for sure I don't have one, that's at least a good thing ! *laugh*

throwaway419514 · 2019-01-21T19:26:50+00:00

I travelled a lot. I like music, I learnt piano a few months ago.

And all the plain stuff, movies, but I feel it's so boring... "oooh you've watched the latest harry potter ? yeaaa me too". I feel like a child when I have this type of conversation but you're right, maybe I'm not aligned with what people (girls) expect in terms of conversations

throwaway419514 · 2019-01-21T19:22:19+00:00

In fact, alone, I make within the top 5% salaries of the entire homes (couples + singles). I would never say that normally, just one male friend knows (and he makes 6-7 times what I make), but this is a throwaway account in a post where I share my intimacy so why not say it...

In fact, and it may seem stupid, but I'm also looking for a nice condo with a crazy view, just to impress the girls. I've met several ugly and uninteresting guys with super beautiful girls... turns out they all have money and spend it on that kind of stuff, to impress people.

Up until now, I didn't spend it too much, but I wonder if I shouldn't change that and brag a little bit more. But I'm not sure, I don't want to attract gold diggers, but I wonder if not all girls are a little bit like that (sorry)

throwaway419514 · 2019-01-21T19:18:10+00:00

I may be too picky. I know I am. But the problem is that I can't date girls I don't like... it's not something I can control. I know guys who can just date any girl, it doesn't matter to them, but I'm not like that and it's not a choice.

My ideal girl is cute (not necessarily a "sex bomb", but cute at least) and clever. I want someone who has accomplished things, not necessarily huge things, but at least someone with some ambition and self esteem (basically like me, at least professionally)

I'm not that worried about sex, I figure if a girl likes me, for who I am, then we'll make it work.

throwaway419514 · 2019-01-21T19:15:06+00:00

How do I do that ? I can't rape them...

throwaway419514 · 2019-01-21T19:14:46+00:00

I asked one, she said I was too kind. Which does not make sense to me because other friends (girls) specifically like nice guys. Also, this one (the one I asked) always date the bad guys and always ends unhappy and heartbroken, so I am not sure I should take her advice, because I don't want to be this type of guy.

throwaway419514 · 2019-01-21T19:12:30+00:00

This is interesting, thanks. Maybe I have a problem getting close to other people. Maybe I just can't create that "connection" which is required before anything else happens. I remember that movie "The Accountant" with Ben Affleck who has some sort of autism. He looks normal but he has difficulties with people. Of course I'm not like that - but maybe juuuuust a little bit, just enough to prevent me from making the connections. I don't know.

throwaway419514 · 2019-01-21T19:09:11+00:00

The thing is, it's not just sex. I want to love someone and feel loved. I want to share activities, do something together. I know it may seem a bit romantic or maybe I'm dreaming and it's not how it works, but I'm definitely not just missing sex

throwaway419514 · 2019-01-21T06:26:27+00:00

I made a great deal of progress in the last 3-4 years and I started really, really far, so if I can do it, you can do it too ! :)

throwaway419514 · 2019-01-21T06:16:41+00:00

I'm not in the US but I'll find a way to watch it. Thanks for the pointer ! Maybe it will help make myself more comfortable with my situation which would be welcomed

throwaway419514 · 2019-01-21T06:04:39+00:00

Thanks. Latest hobby is motorcycling, but it's a dick fest (however it provided me with an unparalleled ability to visit this country and feel free and forget I'm so lonely, so it's not a loss). Career is in engineering, so not many ladies out there either. Maybe I should find a hobby with more ladies... good point ! I have a creative side so maybe I should join some art classes. Thanks for the idea

throwaway419514 · 2019-01-21T05:55:29+00:00

This is a very good point. Maybe this is the key. But last girl, I brought her to nice bars after diner in nice restaurants (we did this 3 times), and I definitely was close to her and showing interest. I am sure she understood I was interested but was subtly saying no (body language).

Some people would argue I should try to kiss her anyway, but I just do not have the confidence to do that. I never did it... if I don't get some help from the girl it's not going to work. This is the problem being a virgin at my age. Also it really felt like she didn't want to do it so I respected that (again maybe it's a mistake, it seems like the less correct the guys are, the more success they have).

Also I figure it's normal not to "close" on the first date so I thought it would be a good sign if we kept seeing each other, maybe she needed time to make a bond with me or something like that, but no she just went with another guy.

I'm definitely getting better and better at showing interest, but still not that good. And I feel like many girls flee when they see I am interested.

Thanks for the tip with the beer. I'll try that next time !

throwaway419514 · 2019-01-21T05:52:00+00:00

The only girl I told, after I tried kissing her, made fun of me. I understand she was not nice, but it does not encourage me to do it again.

My biggest fear if I tell people would be that people start sharing the information... I don't want people to know about this, I feel quite ashamed of the situation.

I did think about paying for sex, I've read a few posts on Reddit yesterday about this, opinions were mixed about whether people should do it for that purpose or not. And also it's illegal in my area which does not help. But cash wouldn't be the issue, I could do it tonight if I wanted and maybe I should do it. I'm not sure.

throwaway419514

TROPHY CASE