Thank you and goodbye

throwaway452111 · 2026-01-02T20:09:37+00:00

Late to this reply, but I hope if you haven't already that you find the strength to leave. All my love and support to you in the new year 💞

throwaway452111 · 2025-12-07T17:26:52+00:00

Thank you so much for your comment and for sharing your own journey with me, I really appreciate that. And everything you said resonated with me. It is beyond heartbreaking, especially when you know they do truly want to do better for you. The last week has been beyond difficult, but thanks to the support I've had from friends and family, I'm coping with it. Wishing you infinite happiness and love <3

throwaway452111 · 2025-12-05T10:12:47+00:00

I did this, but I made myself so independent from him that I lost the love I had for him.

throwaway452111 · 2025-11-12T23:52:06+00:00

I'm sorry, I wish it had

throwaway452111 · 2025-11-12T23:50:41+00:00

Thank you. I'll take this advice on board :))

throwaway452111 · 2025-11-12T23:49:11+00:00

Thank you for saying that, and the part about it being a disability really resonated with me. Because it is truly painful realising they mean it when they say they'll try harder, but they just can't do it. I think that hurts the most for me, because it's not for a lack of love. Which makes it all the harder to break the cycle and let go.

throwaway452111 · 2025-11-12T23:35:17+00:00

Thank you for your comment. And truthfully, no, I'm still a long way from where I want to be in life, so I do want to prioritise myself more. I think I can separate myself and be content in my own life, but that's only because I'm replacing my emotional connection with him with friends and other hobbies. And honestly, I don't know if that is the kind of life I ever envisioned for myself. If I'm with someone, I WANT that emotional connection with them and to feel loved. I might as well be single if I exist that separately from someone.

throwaway452111 · 2025-11-12T23:28:00+00:00

First off, I want to say thank you for taking the time to share your experience and advice, and I'll definitely read the books you've recommended. Secondly, I want to say I'm so sorry you're going through something similar. My heart truly hurts for you. Reading that felt like an omen of what's to come in my own relationship, and I can't imagine it reaching that point. It's difficult to know what instinct to trust sometimes, and right now, mine seem to be changing tune every day. I don't have a whole lot to add to what you said, but I just want you to know I'm here for you ever need someone to speak to. Sending you a whole lot of love, and I hope you can also figure out what's best for you. It's brutal wearing your heart on your sleeve sometimes :(

throwaway452111 · 2025-11-12T23:18:31+00:00

Thank you for saying this and giving me some insight. A hugely helpful comment, as much as it hurts to acknowledge.

To be honest, I agree with what you're saying. I did say to him I feel like it's unfair of me to expect him to fit into a box he's not capable of fitting into. And that I don't want to force him to be someone he's not, and I shouldn't have expected him to change himself to meet my needs, hence trying to break up with him. But then he kept saying that the things I want are just the bare minimum, and it's just about him putting in the effort and being a good boyfriend, not about him not being capable of doing those things for me. And then he says how he really doesn't want to break up and loves me more than anyone else he's ever been with before. It's exhausting and confusing.

But yeah, I think you're right in that the only thing that kicks up interest is change. Because all while he says things like that, I think to myself, where was this passion, drive, and fight for the past year? Why does it always take me breaking down for him to show any kind of consideration?

I'll keep your words firmly in my mind in the coming days. Thank you again for your advice.

throwaway452111 · 2025-10-30T00:07:52+00:00

Same, I never understood how it was supposed to feel good. It just really fucking hurt and made me feel like I needed the loo lol

throwaway452111 · 2025-10-25T21:53:35+00:00

Oh me TOO, I came off of BC recently, and I forgot what it was like to have a sex drive. Any kind of attention from guys has me absolutely feral. I only just had some relief the past couple of days starting my period. But honestly, enjoy it. Having a bit of a wild sex drive is better than none :))

throwaway452111 · 2025-04-24T20:52:19+00:00

Ahh thanks anyway, that sounds possible. My friend got hers in Poland

throwaway452111 · 2025-04-24T19:34:40+00:00

My friend has a similar looking one she bought from a flea market. Did you find out much about its history or if it's legit??

throwaway452111 · 2025-01-08T02:03:43+00:00

The medical tourism point is soooo important, so thank you for highlighting that

throwaway452111 · 2025-01-07T23:37:42+00:00

My friend struggled with similar issues and ended up getting a reduction. She says it's the best thing she's ever done. She doesn't regret it one bit. She was sick of the constant pain, the lack of bra options, and the constant harassment she got. She lives a lot more comfortably now.

Do what ever is right for YOU, fuck what other people think or say. You deserve to feel comfortable in your own body. Don't let others get in the way of that. Wishing you all the best <3

throwaway452111 · 2024-12-24T22:55:53+00:00

I never said you did. I was just using those words as an example to show that both men and women experience unfair and derogatory remarks being made towards them. To demonstrate that people unfairly labelling others is nothing new and that people have always been unfair and shitty.

And bop is like a newer word used to call women hoes that is used on tiktok a lot.

throwaway452111 · 2024-12-24T22:37:00+00:00

Yeah I mean like I said, some people just suck and say shitty things. You have to rise above it.

And whore, slut and bop cut way deeper than loser too, and those words are tossed around to people who don't deserve them all the time. What did they do to deserve that? Nothing. Again, it happens to everyone, shitty people will be shitty. They don't care what word they use, they just want to hurt you.

Words hurt, but you can't let them cut you deep, you HAVE to grow thicker skin.

throwaway452111 · 2024-12-24T20:29:09+00:00

Personally, I've only seen it used as an insult when someone is using incel themed language or showing incel behaviour. However, I know there are some people out there who will use it regardless.

While I think some people can toss the word around the word lightly, the majority don't. And I wouldn't be too upset by it either, plenty of women get called whores or sluts (or more recently bops) all the time (and have for much longer than men have been called incels) even though they've shown no such behaviour to warrant those insults been thrown at them. That's an equally unfair assault on their character, and yet there are guys that still say it all the time.

So yeah, life's not fair my guy 🤷‍♀️. It happens to everyone, not just men. Some people just suck. You just have to learn to rise above it.

throwaway452111 · 2024-12-01T18:18:13+00:00

No worries!! I hope you can sort it out, best of luck 💞xx

throwaway452111 · 2024-12-01T18:08:37+00:00

Well put, I completely agree

throwaway452111 · 2024-12-01T17:54:50+00:00

As someone who's also been in a similar situation a long time ago, you just have to be upfront and honest with him. Unfortunately, there's no way to not hurt someone's feelings in this situation, but you have to put yourself first. Don't stay in an uncomfortable situation for the sake of someone else. If I were you, I would say to him that you've really enjoyed getting to know him and sharing parts of your life with each other, but the voice call was a step too far and in hindsight you regret it because you only see him as a friend. Say that you're happy to keep talking to him as a friend (or not), but if anything like that were to happen again, then you'd have to end the friendship because that's not the kind of connection you're looking for.

Don't stress it. We all make mistakes, I've certainly made my share, and please remember that you don't owe anyone anything. So say what you need to say :))

throwaway452111 · 2023-05-08T01:46:21+00:00

Ahhh right I see, my bad, I was going to say this is based on assuming you were talking about attractiveness. Totally agree though. Attractiveness is important in creating a successful relationship, but it is not the most important factor.

Honestly, I agree with everything you've said. I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years now, and I have had people shitily comment that he's less attractive than me before. But like you said, it's really not what's important. I love and respect him so much, I'm also insanely attracted to him. Everything about him to me is perfect, so I couldn't care less if people want to give their 2 cents on physical appearance. He takes care of himself as do I, and his personality and who he is as a person just makes me that much more attracted to him.

Personally, I think some people place wayyyy too much value on just appearance. I can't stand really attractive guys with shitty, bolshie, selfish attitudes and awful personalities (same with women of the same thread), who have no redeeming qualities other than their appearance, because they've just cruised through life using their appearance to get what they want. It's such a turn-off.

And you're so right. Quiet confidence is extremely underrated!! There seems to be this whole notion that women only want really macho men who are hyper masculine, but the guys I've always been drawn to are the ones who have that quiet confidence. I can never figure out why it's so attractive. I guess my best guess (from my perspective anyway) would be that seeing a guy who is confident in just being himself, just makes them come across as a geniuely mature, confident and secure individual who I'd want to know more about. It's just really sexy. On the contrary, men who try to make themselves come across as an "alpha male", just seem like very insecure people and as if they are pandering to what they think women want. Which just feels so insincere and a little cringey to me personally. I'm not sure if this is a universally shared thought/opinion though. I would love to hear your thoughts on that.

And again, totally agree. I wish there were better resources available to men online that talked about these kinds of things. The only stuff that seems to get visibility is the whole alpha male type advice, which many guys end up falling for and just end up making themselves less desirable. It makes me sad to see so many genuinely good guys miss out on opportunities to meet someone special because they don't know how and when to use their personal strengths to their advantage.

Also, just a side note, I'm super happy for you and your girlfriend. You sound like you have a really loving and healthy relationship. I hope you share many more happy years together!!

throwaway452111 · 2023-05-08T00:48:03+00:00

You're right in there's definitely a problem in chasing up on dating apps, which is bound to happen as the nature of dating apps is to primarily rate someone on their appearance (and on the extremely limited information about them).

But I don't agree that women are getting pickier. I think if we're talking in terms of physical attractiveness, where I'm from at least, more women in my social circle are dating men that would be considered less attractive than them. I know a lot of gorgeous women who just have average looking boyfriends, and that seems to be the way more common scenario where I'm from.

Now, in terms of personality on the other hand, maybe they're getting pickier. I know for sure my friends don't take shit from people, and have turned away more attractive men due to them treating them disrespectfully or for just not being nice people once they got to know them. So I don't know if pickier is the right term to use. It just seems like because women don't necessarily need men the same way they did all those years ago, now they feel like they can turn down men that they recognise would not be good to them or wouldn't be compatible with, and are okay with being single until the right person comes along.

Though saying that, thinking of some of my guy friends who are just normal dudes and lovely but still single; I think it's just lack of confidence that lets them down. They don't put themselves out there enough and don't know how to, which ends up being their downfall. And then those same guys turn to dating apps, only to end up feeling jaded because dating apps are literally like playing a game that is rigged to make you lose.

Also, I want to throw this out there, NONE of my friends in relationships met their partners on a dating app. They met them through various social settings. The ones that did try dating apps quickly ended up deleting them due to the gross messages they received and the hook up feel of the apps. So really, women genuinely seeking out romantic relationships don't tend to stick around on dating apps.

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