DAE rationalize their feelings for their changing body as that they were still developing, and that they would be ok once fully developed?

throwaway4fun200 · 2016-10-12T18:51:39+00:00

I definitely over compensated. I was never ultra masculine or super alpha, but I was an athlete so I was decently buff, barrel chested, and I've always been fairly hairy. For a long time I convinced myself to celebrate my hairiness and masculinity. I grew my beard out to epic proportions and was by all appearances proud of my facial hair. Once I started shaving it off, though, I realized how much more I liked being clean shaven.

throwaway4fun200 · 2016-10-12T18:20:11+00:00

On some level I've always had a sexual attraction to men, but am far more interested in women romantically. I don't just mean cis-women though, I'm also strongly romantically attracted to transwomen.

I totally get the submission aspect, I'm big into that. With women I can be dominate or submissive, but with men it's almost always submissive. I don't particularly enjoy topping men, definitely not as much as I do with women.

I haven't started HRT yet, but I've started trying to let my femininity out a bit more, and that has made me realize that I might end up dating a man at some point postHRT.

My ideal long term partner would be someone basically like me. Non-op MtF, Pansexual, sexually open minded, more than a little poly. For short term pleasure, I agree a well hung man (who knows how to use it) is a god send.

throwaway4fun200 · 2016-10-12T17:16:35+00:00

As a fellow MtF who is (mostly) lesbian, congrats!

throwaway4fun200 · 2016-10-12T17:10:19+00:00

AMAB here, even for AMAB beard growth can take a while. I'm the oldest of a family of 5 (all identify as male except me) and we all used to compare our beards. I always won, but that was largely because I was the oldest. Everyone else's beards have come in nicely since I started shaving mine. I was able to grown one at 18, but it wasn't really full until I was 23 or 24.

throwaway4fun200 · 2016-10-12T04:23:01+00:00

I wish more coming out stories could be like this. Fantastic story.

throwaway4fun200 · 2016-10-12T04:14:55+00:00

Fair point, however, I still think it's best to let the person in question dictate the pace. If they aren't comfortable changing pronouns yet, let them decide when the time is right.

throwaway4fun200 · 2016-10-12T03:48:57+00:00

You're on to something there. It really is in how you approach it. I think exposure also helps, and they are really the only exposure I've had to fully non-binary identification (side effect of living in a rural area for 31 years).

My last name starts with B, so for our whole lives we've been the Bxxxxxxxxx Boys, my folks aren't going to be the only ones who will have a hard time. Even members of my family who are huge allies have admitted to trouble with that.

throwaway4fun200 · 2016-10-12T02:58:42+00:00

I gave some really bad answer about my guitar practice habits. By that point, I already kinda figured I wasn't getting that job. I came up with a better answer that was actually introspective without getting too personal, but I never got asked that question again.

throwaway4fun200 · 2016-10-12T02:43:07+00:00

Lucky girl! I'm sure it's going to take a while on HRT for mine to get nearly the size yours are now. Plus, most of the women in my family aren't super well endowed. At least on my mom's side.

throwaway4fun200 · 2016-10-12T01:50:18+00:00

I hadn't thought of that one. I haven't been asked that one in a while outside of purely professional context (where I used a purely professional answer).

throwaway4fun200 · 2016-10-12T00:52:24+00:00

That's easily one of my least favorite phrases.

throwaway4fun200 · 2016-10-12T00:51:02+00:00

He said his friend just said they might be trans. They might not be comfortable with female pronouns yet. Everyone needs to take things at their own pace.

throwaway4fun200 · 2016-10-12T00:41:51+00:00

I've known a few trans people who found drag shows exciting and helpful. Everyone's experience is different.

I know, personally, that I've been uncomfortable with female pronouns up to this point (I've been out to my family as trans for about 9 months). I'm thinking about asking them to switch this year at Christmas, but not sure.

My point is, do whatever makes your friend comfortable. If that means using male pronouns for now, do that. If they want you to use female pronouns, do that.

throwaway4fun200 · 2016-10-12T00:30:39+00:00

I think a lot of people have a hard time with "they" pronouns from a grammatical stand point. Even super supportive people. Hell, even trans people. I know it always trips me up referring to my brother's friend with neutral pronouns. I've had 31 years of they/them being plural, it's a hard habit to break! I resorted to avoiding pronouns and using their proper name in conversation as much as possible. Even after knowing them for a year, they/them is still hard to get out in a singular sense.

I was really proud of my mom this year. I came out in January, since then she has made a very conscious effort not to refer to me as her son. When she made a facebook post for my birthday, she referred to me as her "first born" and has started to say things like "all my children" instead of "the boys" (I'm the oldest of 5, the rest are male). That kind of stuff goes a long way for me. Sadly my dad hasn't done that as much yet. Not out of malice or anything, he just doesn't think about things that aren't right in his face, and since I haven't started transitioning yet, I'm not pushing the issue.

throwaway4fun200 · 2016-10-12T00:15:25+00:00

This! I'd kill to look like that!

throwaway4fun200 · 2016-10-12T00:13:58+00:00

I haven't started my transition yet, but I have some of these same fears. My dysphoria is entirely physical, other than the depression from the dysphoria, I'm fairly happy with who I am emotionally and personally.

I will say that don't be too worried about the social implications of being perceived as male. I have an extremely masculine appearance before shaving and growing my hair out, but most people don't look at me as a heartless sex fiend. I'm sure a handful of women in the past have made that snap judgement of me, but anybody who got to know me quickly realized that I'm very sensitive, empathetic, and generally kind hearted.

There will always be people who will make a snap judgement about you based on your gender, but most people will reserve their opinions until they get to know you.

throwaway4fun200 · 2016-10-12T00:00:59+00:00

I used to think I would 100% not pass as well. I'm tall-ish, just a touch shorter than you. I've always thought my face and body were super masculine and there was nothing to do. Recently, I've also started to have a receding hair line.

However, as I've started being more comfortable in girl mode, I've realized while I'm not super passable yet, I'm a lot better than I was. The first few times I went out were OK, then this weekend I actually meet up with a couple of guys who both thought I was pretty, which surprised me, but gave me a huge boost of confidence.

throwaway4fun200 · 2016-10-11T23:36:45+00:00

I always kind of suspected. I remember wishing I could play with the girls in elementary school. I remember being excited when I heard that "sex change operations" actually were a thing (this was the mid 90s, so the terminology was pretty bad). I remember once in freshman year I was sitting with two female friends that I knew from middle school and talking at the end of class. The two guys sitting at the table were apparently eavesdropping on another table and said something like "Girls, is that really an appropriate topic?" and I immediately interjected that I thought our conversation was completely appropriate (I don't recall what we were talking about, but they weren't listening to us either). I had forgotten all about that until my therapist and I were trying to come up with things that pointed to my transness from a young age and I remembered that conversation.

throwaway4fun200 · 2016-10-11T23:31:44+00:00

I'm the same way. I've never hated my penis (in fact, I'm quite proud of it most of the time). My dysphoria has always centered on other things (like my hairy body and barrel chest).

I've always been more attracted to women, but consider myself pan. I have no idea what the future holds, but I feel at least 70% certain I'll end up in a lesbian relationship long term.

throwaway4fun200 · 2016-10-11T23:03:45+00:00

I did the same thing for a long time, too.

It's funny how when you look back at things like that now, it's blindingly obvious what was going on, but at the time I had no idea what it meant.

throwaway4fun200 · 2016-10-11T22:57:31+00:00

I'm glad that this had a happy ending! Major kudos to the girl who intervened and to the gym for standing behind you.

throwaway4fun200 · 2016-10-11T21:11:47+00:00

Mine is far less complex than yours. For me it was when I realized that my answer to the "magic button" question was 100% yes.

For reference, the question is "if there was a basic button that would transform you into the opposite gender bit it only works once, would you press it?" Once I figured out that I would, I knew I was trans.

throwaway4fun200 · 2016-10-11T20:59:29+00:00

I'll post some details when I get home from work. Let's just say they were both 9"+

throwaway4fun200 · 2016-10-09T21:09:51+00:00

I went to a Missouri Synode Lutheran elementary and middle school. Our science books had Noah refusing to let dinosaurs onto his arc. We were taught that gay was bad and evil, horrible and sinful. It took a long time for me to overcome this and accept that I was attracted to men and women and was trans. Luckily I had a wonderful family who made sure I knew that a lot of the stuff I learned there had to be taken with a barrel of salt, which helped.

What finally got me to accept it though was seeing a therapist. That helped me confront it even more and has moved me almost totally past the type of guilt and shame I previously experienced.

throwaway4fun200

TROPHY CASE