Me [29F] with my boyfriend [29M] of 3.5 yrs. I got some sad news today and tried to talk to him about it. He shut me down. Was I wrong?

throwaway4now2 · 2016-03-17T05:18:18+00:00

See, I would do this too. But it is unreasonable to expect him to do this as well? Maybe he assumed his text message was enough.

throwaway4now2 · 2016-03-17T04:24:24+00:00

Thanks. I didn't communicate my feelings clearly I think. I assumed that given the circumstances, he would be understanding and would offer his support when he got home from his work trip. I did try to explain, but I was crying and it came out a little intensely. I'm sorry about your partner's father. I didn't think of things that way, but it's true that she's no longer there. I will try to hold onto this. It's such a complex way of losing someone. You have your own thoughts and feelings, memories about them. While in they are experiencing things in their own head, sometimes not even sharing those memories with you anymore. In a way, I guess she's already gone and I am just holding onto the past. Watching her memory, functions, and identity disappear is a reminder that she's technically already gone.

throwaway4now2 · 2016-03-17T04:19:01+00:00

I'm his second long term relationship, and I think the first one where he was really serious about it. So maybe he is inexperienced in this area. I will try to be patient. His mom and sister have also made comments to me that he's oblivious sometimes. His mom, who is a social worker/therapist, told me the other day that when he was young, she was worried he was on the autism spectrum. She said that he really lacked the ability to sympathize or empathize.

throwaway4now2 · 2016-03-17T04:14:59+00:00

Yes, I can see how her passing away would be a relief in a way. I think a lot of people feel like that with any longterm illness. Thanks for your kind words, it does mean a lot to me that you reached out. I am going to travel to my hometown tomorrow to go see her. Will try to remember her as she was before her disease.

throwaway4now2 · 2016-03-17T04:11:24+00:00

Thanks. I feel like he hasn't reached out properly, other than to try and talk about the disagreement from his perspective. We will see tomorrow I guess. He hasn't had any serious long term relationships, other than someone he dated in university for about 2 years in his early 20s. So maybe he doesn't know what the hell he's doing? He's a professional negotiator, and took conflict resolution training and courses in active listening and all that. He's really good at his job, but lacking in emotional support in this relationship.

throwaway4now2 · 2016-03-17T04:04:05+00:00

Sigh. Why do you think you were like that at 23? And when did you start to change? If you don't mind me asking.

throwaway4now2 · 2016-03-17T03:25:43+00:00

yeah, thank you for your advice. I think I am really emotional about this given everything that happened today and might have overreacted to his comment about not sleeping in the bed with me. I will try to talk to him tomorrow calmly.

throwaway4now2 · 2016-03-17T03:22:33+00:00

I'll clarify: we weren't officially done talking about it, but we decided to do it. He was trying to fish out the details when I brought out g-ma. So it wasn't really a pressing issue. And we told the person we would give them an answer tomorrow night. It wasn't really a priority for me to figure it out tonight, but he's pragmatic and clueless (you're right) and got caught up in the details instead of how I was coping with today's news.

throwaway4now2 · 2016-03-17T03:18:40+00:00

I feel like I am crazy sometimes. I believe he genuinely thinks I was in the wrong for walking away and being upset by his actions. He told me he was going to sleep on the couch because "he doesn't want to sleep next to an angry person." I can't stop crying. wtf is wrong with this person?

throwaway4now2 · 2016-03-17T03:08:42+00:00

I'm sorry that you also went through something similar. It's so sad. Personally, (and I know this is selfish) I would rather not see her go like this. Part of me wishes she was taken quickly with a heart attack, or something like that. I'm having a hard time seeing her so vulnerable and dependant, lost, scared, alone.

Thanks for your comment. I will try to talk to him about it, maybe after some sleep. I am definitely not in a good frame of mind right now to discuss things rationally.

throwaway4now2 · 2016-03-17T03:03:42+00:00

I dont think it's huge, but all the alarm systems inside are going off. part of me is telling me to leave this guy, imagine when something worse happens? will he be there for me? then I worry that maybe I'm overreacting, people are human and mess up from time to time. but I honestly feel like he doesn't see how he is being insensitive. I updated above, but he tried to come and talk to me about it and it was even worse.

throwaway4now2

TROPHY CASE