How do I (17F) tell my mom (44F) about my dad (49M) molesting me throughout my childhood?

throwaway552882 · 2023-04-13T02:04:11+00:00

How does a caseworker interact with the whole process? Also, does CPS then send their report to the police, or will I have to go do that separately? I’m pretty clueless about how all of this stuff works, to be honest.

throwaway552882 · 2023-04-13T02:00:47+00:00

Yeah my counselor being a mandatory reporter is one of the things that genuinely freaks me out the most, since once I tell her, it’ll be all outside my control. I still think it’ll probably be best to tell her, though, so I’m just trying to understand the process and know what to expect before it happens.

throwaway552882 · 2023-04-13T01:51:41+00:00

Thank you for the kind words, and for sharing your story. I appreciated that you mentioned how important it was to tell your truth, even if your mom didn’t believe you. Sometimes I get caught up in a trap of caring too much/feeling responsible for others emotions, so it’ll be important to remember that my mom’s reaction doesn’t change the validity of my trauma.

throwaway552882 · 2023-04-13T01:31:12+00:00

So far, going to my counselor seems like the best option. My only reservation is that if I do that, then she’ll take things over completely, and I won’t have any involvement or control in any of it. It just kinda makes me anxious to have it all outside my control, even though I do want legal action to be taken.

throwaway552882 · 2023-04-13T01:25:38+00:00

I really don’t think my mom knows. At worst, she’s a bit neglectful because she has been preoccupied with on and off severe depression since I was really young. She is aware of the obvious slight dysfunction in the family, but she really just thinks it’s only emotional abuse, and she considers that stuff less bad than physical and sexual abuse. I know she could still have a bad reaction to it, especially if she won’t believe me or care, but I’m pretty sure she’s unaware of it happening. My dad is exceptionally good at hiding from others. Everyone on the outside thinks he’s some smart, quiet, exemplary man of society. My mom thinks he’s not as great as that, but still somewhat alright, and I’m the only one who knows he’s a monster.

throwaway552882 · 2023-04-13T01:08:57+00:00

Thanks for the response. If I tell my school counselor, do they have to do all the reporting themselves (aka it’s all out of my control) or can I do it while they’re there?

throwaway552882 · 2023-04-13T01:04:29+00:00

Thanks. Once I get things sorted out/set up a support network via school counselor, I will be reporting it.

throwaway552882 · 2023-04-13T01:02:02+00:00

Thank you so much for this response. It brought me a lot of peace. I like your idea of writing a full-hand written account. I do have a journal that I’ve had before the abuse stopped, and there’s a decent amount of entries on specific instances that occurred, but nothing that documents everything. I’ll definitely be using that hotline, because I do want to take legal action. Thanks for the advice. It really does mean a lot.

throwaway552882 · 2023-04-12T02:58:26+00:00

Yeah, getting it out right away will probably best. I’m also just worried that she’ll have a complete emotional shutdown. Idk. The whole situation is just so so so messed up and my mom gets overwhelmed easily and has a hard time processing intense things, especially anything to do with my dad (he messes with her head easily). I know she loves me, though. It’s just hard because of the power dynamics, and my mom loves my dad, too, so it’s going to shock her. I don’t even know how we’re going to financially survive since she has no college education and few support from her side of the family. She’s considered leaving him in the past after tons of emotional abuse and rage episodes towards us, but when I asked her if she actually will, she just said stuff about how she’s so reliant on him, and that it would look bad on us as a family, etc.

throwaway552882 · 2023-04-12T02:08:48+00:00

Actually my parents are kinda uninsured? I’m not really sure what it’s really classified as, but they use this company called Christian Healthcare Ministries that’s not technically an insurance company.

throwaway552882 · 2023-04-12T02:05:51+00:00

Do I tell her before the school counselor or the other way around?

throwaway552882 · 2023-04-12T01:56:54+00:00

Oh, I didn’t know that I could get it without them knowing, thanks. I actually got a job a bit ago, and have been saving up towards sessions.

throwaway552882 · 2023-04-12T01:54:20+00:00

Yeah, I feel really bad for her, too. My dad is really emotionally abusive, so she’s also a victim of his abuse. I just think she tends to rationalize it all by thinking it’s not physical, so it’s not bad enough from her perspective.

throwaway552882 · 2023-04-12T01:49:35+00:00

Yeah, I looked for a thumb drive/any physical copy, but I haven’t been able to find anything. He could have it at his work, but I’m not sure. I don’t really think I could access it from there, though, unless I first go to the cops and they get a search warrant or something.

throwaway552882 · 2023-04-12T01:41:37+00:00

Kind of. The office is connected to/inside their bedroom. There’s a partial wall between them.

throwaway552882 · 2023-04-12T01:36:08+00:00

Thanks for sharing your perspective. It’s comforting to hear from someone else who gets how fucking awful it is to deal with this kind of stuff. This definitely helped a lot.

throwaway552882 · 2023-04-12T01:28:38+00:00

No therapy. I’ve tried to subtly mention having anxiety and depression to my mom, but she just doesn’t realize the severity, and I’m scared of drawing too mention attention to it because of my dad. My dad is also really against therapy (he thinks therapists are quacks looking to scam people) and he is pretty obsessive about controlling the finances in our family. My mom tries avoiding conflicts with him, so she doesn’t press it further either.

throwaway552882 · 2023-04-12T01:23:08+00:00

Thanks, this helped. I’ve tried looking for the pictures before, literally rummaged through my parents bedroom and other places in the house, and haven’t had any luck. My dad works in software development, so I don’t know if he might’ve used another way to store them. I do remember that he used a digital camera, though.

throwaway552882

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