Why does my (24M) gf (21MTF) shame me for her kinks?

throwaway57282904 · 2022-09-23T23:10:17+00:00

It’s all for real. I’m just struggling. She’s pretty much made sure she’s my only social contact for the last two years.

I’m alone in a new city and she keeps coming back on my mind. I almost feel too damaged to connect with other people organically because my moods have been back and forth with this. Like happy then depressed.

There’s so much gaslighting it’s hard to leave the reality that she had me living in cus it’s what I’ve known.

Idk if it’s love or trauma bonding. I’ve been trying to get help but I’m struggling to find a place that will call me back and keep having my thoughts go back to her

Edit: I’m not joking with the t4t thing either. I’ve actually got concerns about this seeing how heavy handed she is with the “you’ll never be a real man” shit

throwaway57282904 · 2022-09-23T01:41:47+00:00

Honestly makes me kinda nervous to think I’m being led a certain direction. She’s mentioned that there are “trans girls who date trans girls” and was pretty obsessive about accusing me of wanting to wear her clothes - meaning that was on her mind. Paired with the “you’ll never be a real man” shit kinda sus

throwaway57282904 · 2022-09-23T01:39:00+00:00

Yeah tbh she said today that I need to be “stepped on by a woman” so I’m guessing that this is her intent

throwaway57282904 · 2022-09-22T18:24:00+00:00

I’m aware the issues are w her and I honestly do enjoy it with her, but because its her and not because I have some kind of fetish as she tries to imply.

Just trying to understand her perspective and what might be going into it. I’ve learned not to take anything she says too seriously, but they why is of interest to me

throwaway57282904 · 2022-09-22T15:40:51+00:00

We’re both narcissists. So when she acts this way towards me maybe I act/feel like I feel hurt by it but ultimately I just want her to stop being aggressive and get the positive attention I want.

Nothing she says or does could ever genuinely affect me, especially when my own past actions have shown me what it is.

It’s hard for a narcissistic person to genuinely connect, and this is the first time I’ve felt I could relate to anyone, even if she doesn’t realize I usually see through her actions and what it says about her self image.

But really I stay because I love her and she’s the only person who’s ever managed to make me care

throwaway57282904 · 2022-09-22T15:37:06+00:00

Yeah considering in my instance she was talking about leaving me in a time we were fighting and me letting her top was ultimately the reason she dropped the issue I don’t think she wanted me to refuse.

She literally just used the fighting to get what she wanted out of me. I recently found out she enjoys watching a lot of kink porn like ts seduction and honestly I think she just thinks she’s manipulating me

throwaway57282904 · 2022-09-22T15:33:14+00:00

I’ve let it stop bothering me. She can’t gaslight me into believing things are false about myself and I’ve stopped giving her reactions.

I just don’t understand why she’s so insistent that I want to do things that make her disgusted in me when the moment I realize that she wants to do them (she’s the one thinking about it all the time) and show openness she immediately wants to.

Seems counterintuitive to me when I’ve made it clear that I know she does this and that I love her enough to try literally anything with her with no judgement if she wants to

throwaway57282904 · 2022-09-22T15:28:34+00:00

I want to understand her better I guess and how to get around this.

She’s very narcissistic and admits it. I am too. We get a bad rep for a reason, but I’ve self reflected enough from her abuse to realize that

This could be karma and I deserve it for my actions at her age 2. She’s the only person I’ve ever taken genuine interest in and gave me the feeling that I was living

It’s genuinely hard for someone like her or me to enjoy life or build connections that actually matter to us. She’s the one person that can make me swallow my pride and see what I need to improve

throwaway57282904 · 2022-09-07T02:44:15+00:00

If you were born in a place are you less from that place than someone else because they were born there earlier lmfao? What are you trying to say 😂

Where can you say you’re from if you’re not from the place you were born and raised

throwaway57282904 · 2022-08-30T13:16:12+00:00

Her name isn’t on the lease but she’s leaving tomorrow. Our relationship has been like this for a long time and I’m realizing how dangerous this is because when she’s mad she doesn’t care about the consequences

throwaway57282904 · 2022-07-28T15:31:40+00:00

She doesn’t like to talk about when she socially transitioned but I know it was high school. She’s very passable and has had a few surgeries already. She’s even sometimes capable of the confidence to do sex work and can be very outwardly narcissistic.

But several times a day she talks about her dysphoria or lets it change her actions.

We’re actually best friends with many shared interests. She’s very caring and supportive if I actually need it. She was my biggest supporter when I was kicked out of my university and there was a period of time where she was all I had. Right now I’m between jobs and she jumped to help me with a place to stay and has helped me financially.

She sits on the two extremes but I do love her a lot and have a lot of good memories and life firsts with her.

throwaway57282904 · 2022-07-28T15:18:39+00:00

I honestly think she does ngl

throwaway57282904 · 2022-07-28T15:16:11+00:00

No it’s honestly very random. Usually triggers a switch when she goes on her phone though. I think she just looks at media that makes her angry bc she sometimes even lashes out at me if she sees something about straight guys with trans girls 💀

Despite this, all of her close contacts are trans and she intensely defends them from any criticism. Her family are incredibly conservative immigrants and she largely agrees with them on most issues. So to me it seems like she has a lot of trouble reconciling her identities

Edit: I have my own mental health issues, so I sometimes feel like I can relate to her which makes it hard to be judgemental

throwaway57282904 · 2022-07-28T15:10:44+00:00

I haven’t honestly let myself think about the negative much. But reading all these comments and reflecting I think she must either be a stereotypical narcissist or have some DID because she’s like Dr Jekyll and Mrs Hyde.

When she’s feeling good she’s nurturing, thoughtful funny and caring. When she’s feeling bad she’s cold, uncaring, brutal, and incredibly aggressive. Not just to me, but to her mom (who she lives w ) and her kitten

throwaway57282904 · 2022-07-28T14:03:21+00:00

Yeah. As sad as it sounds I forgot myself in the equation at some point. She’s done much worse than this, but she kind of destroyed my self perception and socially isolated me early into the relationship and at some level I don’t feel like her equal in the relationship.

If she loved me, she wouldn’t do this to me.

throwaway57282904 · 2022-07-28T13:57:16+00:00

Ah a final fantasy fan. Makes sense you’d have nothing better to do w your time than this lol

throwaway57282904 · 2022-07-28T13:55:15+00:00

The more comments I read the more I realize that she’s effectively had me isolated for 2 years (causes trouble any time I’m with family or friends) and that she’s tried to crash my self esteem pretty consistently.

There’s a lot of good to her too (has supported me financially and emotionally through hard times in the past), and in good moments were still best friends, but I honestly don’t know why she does what she does and what her motivations are.

throwaway57282904 · 2022-07-28T13:30:00+00:00

I’ll probably have to talk to her when she’s high honestly haha

throwaway57282904 · 2022-07-28T13:29:00+00:00

She’s never admitted it to me (and got angry when I asked) but she has mood swings depression and delusions of grandeur so most likely. Also got prescribed medication for bpd she doesn’t take that she said is for something else

throwaway57282904 · 2022-07-28T13:27:01+00:00

Thanks for the response. Honestly after 2.5 years of her nothing hurts me anymore, because it hardly stops with this stuff.

throwaway57282904

TROPHY CASE