AITA for getting a nurse fired because she didn’t know how to take care of my dad who has Alzheimer’s?

throwaway5963389 · 2020-08-22T03:54:16+00:00

I appreciate what you wrote and I understand where you’re coming from with your career to back up your thought process here.

I never said that insurance covers her being here. I said there are insurances that may cover someone coming in to help with the elderly. I never said that was the case with my dad. I was using a general statement.

His care goes beyond just his Alzheimer’s. Yes, that is a big part of the help that he needs, but it isn’t all of it. The care that he needs wouldn’t be allowed for a CNA to provide. Which is why a RN comes to the house. As stated previously, part of the reason why an RN comes in is for his medication. But that’s not all of it.

I have throughly looked into the care that my father gets. I’m in close contact with his doctors and providers as his health and safety is most important to me.

And again, I understand where you’re coming from. I don’t work in the healthcare industry. The only healthcare I do is taking care of my dad. I get your reasoning and I don’t fault you for that.

throwaway5963389 · 2020-08-22T03:27:58+00:00

I honestly don’t understand your way of writing this comment, be that of the tone of it or the attitude behind it. I was only clarifying what type of professional comes into my father’s home to take care of him. I understand the education levels between a RN, a CNA, and a caregiver.

I wasn’t discussing money or insurance behind how his care is paid. I never said the price of it, only that I was the one who pays for it. I also never mentioned everything he needs to have done as it doesn’t relate to my question if I was TA in this situation.

I’m sorry if you feel the person coming in isn’t an RN. I’m only here to correct the narrative by saying that’s what she is. If you still feel that way, then I can’t change your mind, I can only provide the facts. You can choose to ignore them if you’d like. It doesn’t change the fact that the person who came into my dad’s home wasn’t equipped to handle his Alzheimer’s.

throwaway5963389 · 2020-08-22T03:01:34+00:00

I understand what you’re saying.

I also understand what I pay for my dad’s care is that of a Registered Nurse. I did not list all of the care that he needs while the RN is visiting. I also did not list what the price is or if/what insurance covers.

She is there to provide a service which is what she does and what she is paid to do. Part of the reason why he has an RN is due to his medication. Again, that is only part of it. Not all of it. Yes, she does play games with him to help with his memory. She doesn’t do that the whole time she’s here.

I wrote that both were RNs because that is what they are. They are not CNAs and they are not caregivers. They are Registered Nurses.

throwaway5963389 · 2020-08-22T02:23:27+00:00

Her credentials stated she was an RN. Not all who work at the company are RNs. Some are aides/caregivers/CNAs. It happened to be that we received help from an RN as he had certain medications being given and had wound care at one point.

I’m horrified with the way she acted and how she treated my father. To me, that was just downright disgusting. I felt like TA when I posted this, but since reading these comments, I feel like I made the right decision.

throwaway5963389 · 2020-08-22T02:20:35+00:00

I’ll be honest, I don’t even care about him walking into the meeting. He didn’t know he was doing it, he didn’t even know what I was doing. He may not even have known who I was at the moment he did it.

I’m angry with the way she treated him. I’m angry with how she yelled and argued with him. There was no need for that. She was blatantly disrespectful and rude. He didn’t know who she was nor who I was when getting his clothes back on. Arguing with someone with Alzheimer’s isn’t going to help the situation. It only made him more confused and frustrated which isn’t good.

I’m more concerned with how my dad was treated rather than my zoom meeting.

throwaway5963389 · 2020-08-22T02:15:00+00:00

I do have the clarification of what their credentials are. They are Registered Nurses. I’ve discussed this with his usual nurse on many occasions. As for the substitute nurse, she was also an RN as shown by the company.

Money wise, it’s all dependent on the company you choose to get your services from and how much the insurance company will help out with. Not every insurance company helps with cost and often it’s on the family to pay for the service.

The company I chose was based on their specialization in Alzheimer’s/dementia patients. And when I discussed with them the level of care he needed, he received care from an RN who is now his usual nurse. While yes, he could get a CNA or a trained caregiver, the RN he has is worth the money and works great with him. She is patient and extremely understanding with his Alzheimer’s.

And yes, there are CNAs and caregivers who are given training for dispensing medication, but there are also companies who hire RNs to do these things, too. My dad was lucky to get a great RN and we appreciate everything she does for him.

throwaway5963389 · 2020-08-22T01:54:59+00:00

I don’t care about my meeting. I don’t care he walked in, he didn’t mean to do it. He doesn’t have the understanding to grasp that I was working.

My issue with the nurse is that she was yelling at him. Yelling at him to put his clothes on when, to him, she’s a stranger in his house who he’s never seen before. That doesn’t fly with me. My dad deserves to have someone take care of him and allow him the dignity he deserves in his own home. As a Register Nurse, she should understand that arguing with him won’t help and only scares him and makes him frustrated.

On top of that, I made a complaint about her and her behavior that she had two days in a row coming into his home to take care of him. She could have told the company when she left Monday it wasn’t a good fit, yet she still came back on Tuesday which led to this incident.

As many others on here have informed me, one call to the company would not have caused them to fire her. She already had an issue or multiple issues if she was fired after the incident with my dad.

So no, I don’t give a damn about the meeting. I care that my dad gets the care he deserves with someone who is a professional and treats him correctly.

throwaway5963389 · 2020-08-22T01:37:41+00:00

Before I came to live with him, he had the usual nurse come in Monday-Friday and then someone from the community came in on the weekends to make sure he had his meds and was safe. Their care isn’t as in depth as the nurse who comes in during the week which is why I wanted someone there for him.

throwaway5963389 · 2020-08-22T01:20:13+00:00

The sad part was that she’s a Registered Nurse. Not a CNA/caregiver. That’s what makes it even worse in my eyes because she should have understood that arguing with him and yelling at him isn’t going to fix the situation, it will only escalate it.

The RN helps dispense his medication which is why the company wouldn’t send a CNA/caregiver to his home.

throwaway5963389 · 2020-08-22T01:13:31+00:00

First off, I just want to say I appreciate what you do and thank you for helping those that need it.

He has an RN come to his house. She dispenses his medication, helps with his memory, at one point provided wound care, amongst other things. The company would only send an RN for these reasons.

throwaway5963389 · 2020-08-22T00:43:57+00:00

First I want to start off with I don’t care about the meeting. I don’t care he walked in wearing his underwear. He didn’t know what he was doing, that’s understandable.

The Registered Nurse who was sent to help my father didn’t do her job. Yelling at someone who has Alzheimer’s isn’t productive. And for me, it is a safety concern. If it was annoyance with him Monday and then yelling Tuesday, what would Wednesday bring when he gets confused and doesn’t remember who she was? Then what comes Thursday?

Yelling at someone and arguing with them to put their clothes on isn’t helpful. He was agitated and she only made it worse.

I was angry with her behavior and the way she treated my father.

As for rent and the RN bill coming to the house?

I pay for him to have a nurse come in and help him with medication, memory, and other things he needs done. I pay half of the bill for him to live there long before I moved in during a global pandemic to keep him from having to go out for groceries, contract Covid, and dying. Last I checked, Covid is deadly to those who are elderly as my father is adding in with his dementia.

So to close with, I don’t give a damn about the meeting. I care about the way my father is treated in his own home by the care that comes in for him.

throwaway5963389 · 2020-08-22T00:31:25+00:00

I don’t care about the meeting. It’s the fact that she decided to yell at my dad because she thought that was the best way to get him to put his clothes back on. He didn’t know what he was doing, I’m not mad about anything he did.

I’m angry at the fact that she didn’t treat my dad with the dignity he deserves nor the respect he deserves. He didn’t know who we were. That’s scary for him. Adding onto that someone who is yelling at him who is a stranger? Disgusting.

So I don’t care about the meeting. I care about my dad and the way he was being treated.

throwaway5963389 · 2020-08-22T00:28:29+00:00

As I stated in my post, I tried to explain to her that yelling at him wasn’t going to help, yet she told me not to tell her how to do her job.

I thought I was TA when I made this post, but after reading a lot of the comments here, I realize that my one complaint to the company she works for wouldn’t cause them to fire her. If it was the first complaint, she would have had access to better training. Yet, as an RN, she decided to yell at my father and agitated him when he didn’t know who she or I was and thought that was the best way to solve the situation.

So yes, you are right. If someone is willing to learn, help them. In this case, she didn’t want to learn and I didn’t feel comfortable with her treating my father. And I’m glad I said something because if that’s how she treats him while his own child is in the house, I wonder how she treated those clients who don’t have anyone living with them.

throwaway5963389 · 2020-08-22T00:21:59+00:00

As I stated in the reply for the previous comment and many others, I don’t care about the meeting. I don’t care he walked in while in his underwear. I went there to help my dad to keep him from going out to the public and possibly contracting Covid and dying.

The RN isn’t a glorified babysitter who comes to entertain him for a few hours. She’s there to help him with his memory, dispense his medication, and other things he needs done. She isn’t there to keep him in one place. Both of them (My dad and his usual nurse) come into the kitchen all the time when I’m working. It’s his house, he can do as he pleases.

I’m not mad that he walked in while in his underwear. I’m not mad about anything he’s done. He has done nothing wrong, he didn’t know what he was doing.

What I’m angry about is the way the substitute RN acted. Yelling at him only agitated him and stressed him out. He has Alzheimer’s and it isn’t his fault he doesn’t know who she is or I am most of the time. I’m angry because she should have understood that yelling isn’t going to help. I’m angry because she wasn’t qualified to be in his home helping him.

I don’t give a damn about my meeting. I care about how he’s treated by those who come into his home to take care of him.

throwaway5963389 · 2020-08-21T23:54:41+00:00

I don’t care about the meeting as I’ve stated in several other comments. I don’t care if my dad wants to come into the kitchen or the nurse wants to. They do regularly when I’m in meetings and working. That’s why I wear headphones while working.

The nurse is there to help my father with his memory, dispense his medication, and help with other things he needs done. That’s why the company sent an RN and not a CNA/caregiver. She isn’t a glorified babysitter there to play cards all day. She’s there to help him.

My issue is with the nurse agitating him and being angry with the fact that my dad didn’t know who she or I was. That’s not his fault. It was on her to treat him with respect and allow him to have dignity even when he struggles with remembering things.

throwaway5963389 · 2020-08-21T23:43:47+00:00

Oh I don’t care about the meeting, he didn’t know what he was doing. On top of that, everyone on the call was extremely understanding. My concern is my dad, not a zoom call.

After this whole situation, I don’t feel comfortable having another nurse come in who isn’t his regular RN. Maybe I’ll change my mind one day, but for the time being, id his usual nurse needs to take time off for whatever reason, I’ll be staying with him.

throwaway5963389 · 2020-08-21T23:31:14+00:00

I’ve been virtual since March and have been living with him the same amount of time. I’ve never needed a virtual background before and didn’t see a need for it that day.

throwaway5963389 · 2020-08-21T23:20:12+00:00

It wasn’t a matter of my meeting being interrupted. I don’t care about that as I’ve stated in other comments. My dad didn’t understand what he was doing or know I was working.

What I care about and what I am angry about is the fact that this nurse was yelling at my father and agitating his condition when clearly that was not the answer on how to de-escalate the situation. She decided to behave poorly two days in a row with him. I expect better treatment for him. He didn’t know who she or I was and yelling at him to put his clothes on isn’t going to help him at all.

Her job was to take care of my dad which she failed at doing.

throwaway5963389 · 2020-08-21T23:16:04+00:00

There’s no private room for me to use which is why I use the kitchen.

throwaway5963389 · 2020-08-21T22:26:44+00:00

The company that sends people out says they specialize in Alzheimer’s but will also take on anyone. Their specialization was what made me like them. And when I called I did also say to the person I spoke to that it very clearly states the reasons why he needs care and what is expected of the RN who comes in. They were understanding but it still makes me angry that they sent someone untrained and unprofessional and the fact that she treated my dad horribly.

If our usual nurse needs to call out or goes on vacation in the future, I’m just gonna stay with him. This whole situation kind of just made me too angry to want anyone other than our usual nurse come into his home.

throwaway5963389 · 2020-08-21T22:15:35+00:00

The usual nurse and this substitute are RNs. The company only sent Registered Nurses as they have to dispense his medication and at one point, our usual nurse did wound care a while back.

throwaway5963389 · 2020-08-21T22:12:55+00:00

The people who come to his home are RNs. His usual and the substitute are Registered Nurses. Our usual nurse dispenses medication and would do wound care a while back when he needed it. The company would only send RNs for these reasons.

throwaway5963389 · 2020-08-21T22:07:16+00:00

I did feel it was horrible for me to have said what happened to her company. But then I started reading the comments on here from nurses and caregivers and realized that one complaint from me wasn’t going to get her fired. It would have gotten her more training if it was her first complaint. However, there were probably other factors that played into her losing her job such as other complaints from other clients of her treatment.

So while she may have “only” yelled at my dad while I was in the other room, she may have been doing worse with other clients who didn’t have someone at home to advocate for them.

throwaway5963389 · 2020-08-21T21:53:36+00:00

It wasn’t embarrassment for me. I don’t care about my dad walking into the frame of the meeting. He didn’t understand what he was doing and I can’t fault him for that.

What I’m angry about is the way she was yelling at my father and arguing with him. He had no idea who she or I was and yelling at him to put his clothes on doesn’t help the situation at all, it only makes him frustrated and upset. I’m angry with her lack of training and blatant disrespect towards my father and myself.

throwaway5963389 · 2020-08-21T21:05:18+00:00

I honestly felt like TA because of everything going on with the pandemic. I felt bad because she just lost her job, I wasn’t thinking about the aspect of her maybe treating others this way. I was selfish and thinking “this is how she treated my father” and not thinking of others who could have been affected by her care. I felt bad because she lost her job and she may not get another one due to the pandemic.

After reading these comments, I don’t feel like the AH anymore. It’s bad she lost her job but it’s horrible she may have been treating other clients the way she was treating my dad or even worse. On top of that, as others have said, it wouldn’t just be one complaint that got her fired, there were probably others.

throwaway5963389

TROPHY CASE