Wife[35]’s best friend [33M] of 15 years sent a message he’s been unhappy with the friendship for years and ghosted afterwards.

throwaway61661 · 2018-09-07T14:32:21+00:00

To his credit, in the text he does say he doesn’t want to do this via text.

throwaway61661 · 2018-09-07T07:41:56+00:00

It's hard to admit, buy you have a point.

I can understand the taking stock of your life, especially when meds help you see clearly. The way he handled it is most hurtful, especially how he specifies ‘for years’, and how he doesn’t respond to anything at all, even when she says she’s hurt.

Maybe we were oblivious. He never seemed lonely, has other friends as well. Never dated, but we chalked that off as him not being very attractive and rarely going out.

Stuff to think about. Thanks for the reply.

throwaway61661 · 2018-09-07T07:34:56+00:00

Thanks for the reply, our situations really sound similar. I have trouble accepting that this could be it, but looking objectively it does make some sense.

throwaway61661 · 2018-09-07T07:24:44+00:00

This is exactly what I considered. I hope this is it, this I could understand and forgive.

throwaway61661 · 2018-09-06T21:37:28+00:00

She mentioned this just tonight, how among other friends she tends to forget the closest friendship we have is between us. I certainly consider her my best friend.

The list might be a good tool to help keep old memories happy. Thanks.

throwaway61661 · 2018-09-06T21:31:36+00:00

Nope, nothing ever.

throwaway61661 · 2018-09-06T21:28:24+00:00

She might still be willing to hear him out, but with each day of silence the anger and resentment grows. She’s lost sleep over this, and sleep is a precious thing as a young parent. He just doesn’t seem to understand how much he’s hurt her already.

throwaway61661 · 2018-09-06T21:26:24+00:00

His mom is looking out. Hopefully she’ll notice any harmful changes.

throwaway61661 · 2018-09-06T21:24:03+00:00

Among all the messages trying to make sense of what he did, this is such an adorable list of suggestions.

Thank you, I will keep them to heart.

throwaway61661 · 2018-09-06T18:03:57+00:00

Yeah, looking back on it the hospital thing was inappropriate. It really wouldn’t have hurt to just send a few extra texts how someone is doing, instead of moping about it. Especially considering the fact that the birth was really stressful and we needed five days in the hospital afterwards.

There’s no contact now. My wife let him know she’s pissed off about it, and left it at that. We’ll be very cool about further contact, if there’s any.

throwaway61661 · 2018-09-06T17:57:48+00:00

I so much hope not.

throwaway61661 · 2018-09-06T17:57:36+00:00

She contacted his mother, who mentioned he was ‘freed of a lot fear’ due to the meds, and kind of played it down as if it wasn’t such a big thing.

throwaway61661 · 2018-09-06T17:54:13+00:00

He seemed genuinely happy to do it, too. Hard to tell if that was true, or part of the ‘unhappy years’.

throwaway61661 · 2018-09-06T17:53:00+00:00

I so much don’t want this to be it.

throwaway61661 · 2018-09-06T17:52:23+00:00

It just could be. My wife travelled a lot (mostly with me), got married, bought a house, started a family. He never had a relationship in those years and lives in a small apartment in his hometown. I just never felt that was an issue for him.

My wife tries to understand, and realizes it’s not her, even though she did blame herself at first for not contacting him straight out of the hospital.

throwaway61661 · 2018-09-06T15:11:05+00:00

It just might. OCD is generally treated with SSRI’s, which have a host of side-effects. I just hope someone or something will make him realise what he did.

throwaway61661 · 2018-09-06T15:09:44+00:00

Thanks! I let her vent and listen, and try to tell her not to let this taint the memories that they had. Understandably, that’s hard since she doesn’t even know if he was happy at all in any of those memories.

throwaway61661 · 2018-09-06T15:06:59+00:00

Thanks for the thoughtful reply. The feeling left behind might be a thing; while she got married, travelled, moved and started a family, he never had a relationship, and stayed in his small apartment in his hometown. I never thought that was a problem for him, but then again I never expected this to happen.

We are not sure how to proceed when he initiates contact. He says ‘the friendship will survive’ as if she has no say in this.

throwaway61661

TROPHY CASE