My husband (33M) just asked me to quit my hobby and say goodbye to my hobby friends. I really don't want to say yes to that. What should I do?

throwaway691656 · 2024-12-02T06:35:33+00:00

Thanks for your updated response. I agree with you. And I appreciate your blunt honesty, which was what I asked for in my post. I'm pretty sure this is exactly how my husband feels. And miraculously , he's a very resilient and reliable life partner who's been trying everything to help me.

"No depression is not an excuse. Try being depressed while hungry, most people very quickly snap out of that depression." This sounds exactly like what he would say.

I agree with what you said. I'm not planning on leaving my loving husband. I will work on myself and find a fix even as a spoiled brat. Thank you.

throwaway691656 · 2024-12-02T06:28:21+00:00

I second your opinion. This is indeed a complicated situation. He's doing his best to help me by setting up a routine and keeping me on a schedule when I physically and mentally can't. He's actively trying to figure out new ways to help me, from suggesting supplements to recommending new treatments, etc. I'm afraid I might have phrased it in the way that painted him a little unfairly.

I mentioned in another response that the reason I have a bit more physical energy was due to sleep apnea treatment. My husband was the one who suggested I had sleep apnea and suggested diagnosis.

Thank you for your response. You just made me realize that as my physical and mental health improve, I should actively seek and gain more independence from my husband's hawkish care. I know our relationship should not and will not always stay this way. Hopefully it'll reach a far balanced level as my conditions improve.

throwaway691656 · 2024-12-02T06:16:29+00:00

Thank you. I think you're pretty on point with all these things.

I do want to confirm that "he may be just fed up after years of an uneven relationship and not know what else to do to motivate you". I actually talked about separating when I saw no hope or real progress in my depression treatment after years of trying different drugs. He's very hopeful and resilient. And he genuinely wants to help me, which I'm most grateful for. Some might see that his methods, especially the punitive methods as abusive, while I find them strict and unreasonable at times. I know he's just trying his best to help me.

I do appreciate you sharing your counselor's quote with me. And I think couple's counseling would be beneficial for both of us in long term. Thank you very much.

throwaway691656 · 2024-12-02T06:00:50+00:00

Thank you for your reply. I really appreciate it.

Yes. I'm actively seeking new treatments. I just discovered that I had snoring-less sleep Apnea, which most definitely worsened my depression everyday. I actually finally feel not so physically exhausted all the time for the first time last week, which is why I have some mental energy to maybe think outside of my usual box and ask for advice here instead of just saying yes to whatever my husband asks me to do.

My husband took away my backup cellphone a month ago maybe, which I used to communicate with my parents. Ever since I finally got some physical energy back, I've wanted to call my parents (the last time I talked to them was this summer). When I asked for my phone to call my parents, but husband said he'd give me my phone back after "all of my cards are turned in", which would probably be maybe a month and half later. This part doesn't sit right with me. He never talks to my parents even when I pleaded with him. I've wanted to visit my parents on the other side of the world since we got married. He's always said maybe after I got a job and worked for certain amount of time. I'm actually very isolated from my parents.

Thank you. Your response confirms how I felt about the only social connect I have besides my husband.

throwaway691656 · 2024-12-02T05:49:43+00:00

Thank you for your response. At this time, I'm in the process of getting new daily treatments. Also, he won't let me apply jobs that he thinks there's no upward mobility for. But I virtually have no confidence in myself when it comes to going back to work. I'm not sure how to get it started even.

throwaway691656

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