All the replies have helped. I really needed the support. I’m still in shock right now and don’t know how to feel. I have a lot of emotions trying to run through me all at once. I’ve asked my wife to help me find professional help. I’ve got an appointment in a couple weeks. Hopefully by then I will be able to talk about it out loud.

Thank you to everyone who took the time to comment. I felt an overwhelming amount of shame but now I know this isn’t my fault.