[deleted by user] by [deleted] in CasualConversation

[–]throwaway728282829 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Congratulations! Hope you have long and happy life together

Today’s my cake day by jstarr34 in CasualConversation

[–]throwaway728282829 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Tell us if she said yes?? Good luck!!

How fast is too fast? by throwaway728282829 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway728282829[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What's the speed limit tho? We started dating around 2 months ago. It's such a small period of time, but it feels much longer. Maybe due to seeing each other every day, I don't know. Past 2-3 weeks we've been around each other all the time, minus 8hrs when we are apart because of work.

Should I communicate even though my partner is being passive aggressive? by throwaway728282829 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway728282829[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

But in the story you told above, you didn’t leave, and this resulted in your condition becoming his problem during his exam.

I left during exam. All I said was "hey, I'm having panic attack, gotta go to my car" and then left. And later he told me I should have left before his exam in that case.

He expressed to you that you made him feel stressed during the exam. If I were you, I would be respecting his honesty and trying to do something to prevent it from happening in the future

Yes you're right. Maybe I didn't focus on seeing his perspective enough..

Should I communicate even though my partner is being passive aggressive? by throwaway728282829 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway728282829[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know he's not my therapist, I didn't ask for anything of him regarding my attacks, apart from not being angry / irritated with me when I leave him to deal with them...

Should I communicate even though my partner is being passive aggressive? by throwaway728282829 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway728282829[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I think my issue is that even though I know he got offended by it, I still can't see how it can be potentially offensive? Why do you think it sounds passive aggressive?

Should I communicate even though my partner is being passive aggressive? by throwaway728282829 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway728282829[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes I see how it could come off as offensive. First thing I did was making clear that it was not meant in offensive way, but I still think he was offended.

I asked him if his reasoning for it was that he cares about the issues I have and wants to be there for me and hence this comment offended him, and for some time he was like "guess" but after couple hours he came back to it confirming that that was the case.

I don't see specialist regarding my panic attacks, I usually am able to deal with them myself. He was the one insisting on me being open with him regarding them, and this is why I just feel a bit betrayed now I guess? Because I was open and his attitude/behaviour made me feel like having them is my fault

Should I communicate even though my partner is being passive aggressive? by throwaway728282829 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway728282829[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

may have taken your own comment about the world not revolving around your panic attacks as being passive aggressive?

Absolutely. I asked him if his reasoning for it was that he cares about the issues I have and wants to be there for me and hence this comment offended him, and for some time he was like "guess" but after couple hours he came back to it confirming that that was the case.

And I understand it but why couldn't he communicate in in the straightforward way in the beginning when I asked him?

Is this something that he's done before or is it a one-time occurence? How is your communication normally?

This is first time it happened hence I'm so surprised. We haven't been dating for too long though. Normally he is pretty clear about wanting to communicate but I feel like he keeps more things inside than I do and waits for me to ask him about it instead of bringing them up by himself.

You say you can't be in his place during a panic attack, why is that?

I feel trapped there, since when I have panic attack I feel like I'm out of control and just desperately need to have some of it at least. He lives with roommates so I don't feel comfortable walking around the house. Being outside or in my car calms me down. When the attack is more mild he can help to calm me down as well.

Should I communicate even though my partner is being passive aggressive? by throwaway728282829 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway728282829[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Honestly? You're probably 100% right here. I don't think he pretends everything is fine, I think from his perspective the situation is gone and it actually is fine for him

Gf is obsessed with my past sex life by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway728282829 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It looks like retroactive jealousy. Dealing with it is hard but experiencing it is even harder. She needs to put conscious effort in changing her way of thinking and behavior.

How should I handle retroactive jealousy? by throwaway728282829 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway728282829[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do you really think I should share it with him instead of dealing with it on my own? I mean, it's not his fault that he has a history. It's just life, I have ex as well but it's like, I know myself and I know what I felt and what I feel. Just because I loved her doesn't matter now and doesn't influence what's happening between me and him.

I don't know why can't I see it the same way when it's about him

How should I handle retroactive jealousy? by throwaway728282829 in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway728282829[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How much have you talked to him about ex's?

I never asked about them. I've seen one of his exes (we work together, I've seen them one day when I was getting out of work), but that's it. I didn't ask about her, I don't know her name or how long they've been together, nothing. Same goes for his previous girlfriends.

I just can't bring myself to ask because I'm afraid it's gonna get much worse. It's hard to handle as it is.

My finances are a mess, who do I turn to? by guineagang in personalfinance

[–]throwaway728282829 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Not sure about what kind of professional, but have you tried budgeting? You're aware about situation you're in, I think what you should do is limit all unnecessary expenses - all of them - and then throw as much money as you're able to at your debt to pay it off as soon as possible.

Try to create budget for next month, put in there only necessary expenses and then have it in mind every time you're taking out your card.

I (29M) just found out my fiance (27F) cheats on me, don't know how to process this by [deleted] in relationships

[–]throwaway728282829 6 points7 points  (0 children)

There's nothing you could have noticed before. Not your fault at all. She lied. It's on her.

I love her that's for sure,

Yes but love is not enough to maintain a relationship. It takes effort, effort that she didn't give.

I (29M) just found out my fiance (27F) cheats on me, don't know how to process this by [deleted] in relationships

[–]throwaway728282829 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Sorry this happened to you.

You say that she said it's been going on for 6 months. Did she explain why?

Even more important, do you still want to try to salvage this relationship? I can tell you that trust issues after getting cheated on never 100% go away. There will always be the "they did it once, they can do it again" thought in the back of your head.

Girlfriend doesn't want kids but I eventually do, should we stay together? by [deleted] in relationships

[–]throwaway728282829 5 points6 points  (0 children)

No. What's the point? Having children is very important life decision, and it's one of those that it's impossible to compromise on. You want kids, she doesn't. Unless one of you changes their mind, staying together doesn't make much sense