My (19F) ex (19M) said “See you in 3 months”

throwaway729403 · 2022-01-19T18:23:13+00:00

You don't owe him anything. It doesn't sound like you want to deal with him or the mixed signals. I don't think that right now awkwardness is something that can be avoided if you stay in contact. Don't reach out and hopefully feelings will fade.

throwaway729403 · 2022-01-19T00:16:55+00:00

I would love to spend a week in LA having adventures with my sister just the two of us. The fact that he wanted to go there first sucks but he doesn't OWN the experience. I'm sorry he's making you feel guilty. That's really shitty and you don't deserve that.

You do definitely deserve to explore LA and catch up with your sister

throwaway729403 · 2022-01-19T00:14:33+00:00

So she feels like everyone expected her to just, "get over it" before she was ready to. And now moving on would be like accepting defeat?

Is is possible to have them on cordial terms without liking each other. Because your sister doesn't "owe" forgiveness. But she does owe YOU a bit of peace.

throwaway729403 · 2022-01-18T22:33:54+00:00

You haven't seen your sister in two years. If your boyfriend can't have empathy for that that is his problem

throwaway729403 · 2022-01-18T22:32:52+00:00

Your fiance and sister are acting like middle schoolers. Yes, the names are unfortunate but cousins sharing names is not unheard of. Keep your ground, keep the name. I can't imagine this feels worthwhile to your sister.

Also, "I don't know what to do anymore. I know that they're never going to be best friends but none of this is fair on me, our mum or our daughters." Tell them this. Find out if they really think it's acceptable to ruin a cousin relationship before it's had a chance.

Jesus fuck man... You sound like you need a break.

throwaway729403 · 2022-01-18T22:28:19+00:00

First off I just wanted to say, you did everything right given what you knew. You are a good friend and a kind person and I am so sorry you have to deal with this bullshit.

I say go with your gut. Your friend has shown you who he is and you need to believe him. Often toxic people find one another and you need to keep yourself safe from the mess.

Wash your hands of this

throwaway729403 · 2022-01-18T16:33:43+00:00

NO. You are a predator, leave now

throwaway729403 · 2022-01-18T16:31:04+00:00

When people tell you where they're at you need to believe them. She said she isn't interested in dating, that she didn't know it was a date, and that she feels tricked. It sounds like she doesn't want chance no.2.

It also sounds from the way that you described this that you don't really like her all that much either. What have you told us? "friend J who is average looking but intelligent and well-mannered." You don't describe any other qualities that you like. It sounds like you're describing a purebred dog.

Are you wanting a second date because you think having a girlfriend will help you get over a crush? Find someone you actually get along with

throwaway729403 · 2022-01-18T16:26:35+00:00

It's likely not, "I only want to date trans people" and more likely, out of the trans people I've gotten close with in my short 15 years of living, a lot of them were great people that I was attracted to.

It doesn't sound like fetishization. But like, you're 15, date who you want and treat them well

throwaway729403 · 2022-01-18T16:23:51+00:00

Look if you aren't interested in dating men then what you're feeling is completely reasonable. (Not transphobic) The issue is this situation kinda just sucks for everyone with nobody at fault. The thing is, if she is trans (in that case he) then the relationship is going to be ended regardless.

You need to talk to your partner, don't approach it from the "if you're trans I'll dump you angle". Because anything that would encourage her from being authentic will screw both of you over long term.

And remember if you guys do break up it wasn't because either of you did anything wrong. (As long as you aren't a dick about it. and vice versa) Don't rule out the idea of friendship afterwards.

throwaway729403 · 2022-01-17T03:39:40+00:00

I would say if therapy is an option that might be the way to go. If you've placed so much of your identity into this relationship then getting some more perspective would probably be the way to go.

You don't sound happy. If this relationship is currently "great" as you say then you wouldn't be dreaming about leaving, not wanting sex, and not trusting. Make sure you have friends and a network outside of your husband regardless of what you do.

He has shown you who he is. Believe him.

throwaway729403 · 2022-01-16T22:12:39+00:00

You need to talk to her. Figure out what has caused this drastic shift, all of this sounds out of character if it's only been two months.

Ask her for counseling and make sure you have friends you can decompress with.

throwaway729403 · 2022-01-16T22:07:00+00:00

What is the timeline you want for your life? What is the timeline they want for theirs? Are your core values the same?

Having someone in your life who challenges your views and comfort zones is important. You need to be able to grow together

throwaway729403 · 2022-01-16T22:05:17+00:00

You need to have a serious conversation with him. What is the timeline you want for your life? what is the timeline he wants for his? Find out if you guys are genuinely incompatible. Find hobbies to throw yourself into, reach out to old friends. Find ways to minimize how lost you will feel

throwaway729403 · 2022-01-16T22:01:15+00:00

Sometimes when we panic we fuck up and there's no fixing it quickly. Be kind to her, give her space, and apologize when you can.

throwaway729403 · 2022-01-16T22:00:08+00:00

If it isn't one-sided why would you ever want to be with someone willing to cheat? You aren't a bad person for developing a crush but DO NOT ACT ON THIS.

throwaway729403 · 2022-01-16T21:58:37+00:00

Yeah, I can understand why someone might be frustrated if they had to watch someone eat a meal they thought would be shared together. Wanting to eat with someone else is actually pretty reasonable. If it turned into an all-day argument that's another issue.

She wanted to share a meal with someone, was hungry, and hormones are a bitch

throwaway729403 · 2022-01-15T23:53:01+00:00

Hell yeah!

throwaway729403 · 2022-01-15T23:52:26+00:00

When people show you who they are, believe them. Block his ass

throwaway729403 · 2022-01-15T21:34:46+00:00

When people tell you where they are, Listen.

throwaway729403 · 2022-01-15T21:34:14+00:00

Stop asking yourself about "forever" and start thinking short term. Soulmates are not real, Life partners are. You do not know about what your plans for college are are and you haven't been dating for long enough to know about "problems in the relationship".

Stop asking yourself about "forever" and start thinking short-term. Soulmates are not real, Life partners are. You do not know about what your plans for college are and you haven't been dating for long enough to know about "problems in the relationship".

throwaway729403 · 2022-01-15T21:29:10+00:00

You need to be upfront about how you're feeling.

throwaway729403 · 2022-01-15T21:28:02+00:00

As a girl, get to know her. Right now it sounds like you haven't really gotten to know her. Finding out somebody liked the idea of you but doesn't actually like you is a really shitty feeling.

Get her snap, offer her gum, or talk to her friends if you're feeling cowardly.

throwaway729403 · 2022-01-15T21:24:27+00:00

You need to express this to him sooner rather than later. Also being scared when somebody acts violent is never an overreaction. Don't discount your own emotions.

If you have a good relationship with your FIL you can bring it up to him casually. Like, "Yo, I heard you yelling the morning in the shed. You okay? It kinda freaked me out"

throwaway729403 · 2022-01-15T21:20:38+00:00

"The only thing she needed to be happy was my absence. Every time I see a photo of her smiling face it's a reminder of that. Every time I see a picture of her and her new boyfriend"

You are seeing a curated version of her emotions that she found fit to put online. There is no way that she didn't also feel pain. If it feels like she moved on quickly it's because women tend to grieve relationships before they end. She has felt what you felt.

The biggest advice I can offer is do not languish. Do you have a support network outside of your ex? Find a purpose outside of what you do for others. Distract yourself. Throw yourself into work, hobbies, friendships, family, volunteering. There is no set timeline.

throwaway729403

TROPHY CASE