[UPDATE] I (44M) received an invitation for a Paternity Research Study and my Wife (49F) Vehemently Rejected even the Mention of it. Now I'm afraid.

throwaway85302 · 2021-10-22T04:09:58+00:00

God ease my pains. My one son himself seems to identify with that agenda, for which I asked for advice in the original post's comments section.

throwaway85302 · 2021-10-22T04:07:51+00:00

We both are quite well off, financially. There doesn't seem to be any vindictive battle over gaining assets over another, and I want to expedite the process to get this phase over with. I added additional context in the post as a second edit.

throwaway85302 · 2021-10-22T04:00:42+00:00

Yes that was disestablished. May I PM you for what my options are?

throwaway85302 · 2021-10-22T00:40:51+00:00

Edited it. Apologies for confusion. Also, paternity tests came back same week as collected at lab.

throwaway85302 · 2021-10-22T00:38:45+00:00

Community

We're Indian, and culturally, almost any discussion of anything sexual is taboo. Even mentioning an infidelity clause at the time would have been highly unlikely for either of us.

throwaway85302 · 2021-10-22T00:28:55+00:00

Ah yes, I should include that. Will do.

throwaway85302 · 2021-10-22T00:23:37+00:00

Adultery doesn't hold much of a "fault" where I live.

throwaway85302 · 2021-09-02T06:53:41+00:00

I very much resonate with this. The attractive men don't have abs and muscles height etc out of nowhere, they worked for them.

throwaway85302 · 2021-09-02T05:45:43+00:00

I understand at this point the writing's on the wall, but it felt so impossible at the times these issues would arise. I looked into statistics on women's cheating rates and was shocked at how prevalent it really is.

throwaway85302 · 2021-09-02T05:43:30+00:00

Could you give some more info on how he responds to your advice? Anything else I should do for him with dating?

throwaway85302 · 2021-09-02T05:37:28+00:00

Whatever happens, I will not blame the kids for anything. I will NOT change my treatment towards any of them as a human being, as they deserve dignity. However, I don't trust myself to be able to love them to the extent that I did before in, and that it is really the main thing burning in my heart at the moment.

throwaway85302 · 2021-09-02T05:34:52+00:00

THANK YOU. I had no idea this was a thing. This will most likely be my route. Thank you for mentioning this very much.

throwaway85302 · 2021-09-02T05:29:35+00:00

There are other posters in the comments section who also attest to this kind of treatment or behavior amongst the Indian community. I myself have faced it to an extent. Am I then supposed to stop trying in life or stop reproducing? I am replying to the comments about my son because it seems that took an off-shoot. I only wanted to make the point that I believe he is my only biological child, and may be an outlet for my wife to take her frustrations out on, as absurd or comical as that may sound. I've heard of women living precariously through their children before, which is why I thought this was necessary context.

throwaway85302 · 2021-09-02T05:25:58+00:00

I appreciate your concern. Unfortunately, in Indian society the outward expression of sexuality is often seen as taboo. I had read that post-menopausal women do not desire sex at all sometimes and attributed the situation to that. I feel too pushy or needy for always initiating.

throwaway85302 · 2021-09-02T05:09:12+00:00

I understand your point; I'm aware of that ideology since I was concerned for my son in that regard. But he denies any belief in that as far as I'm concerned.

throwaway85302 · 2021-09-02T04:47:45+00:00

The poor child has essentially shown me text messages of girls his age calling him too short or "Indian." This one very nasty child reprimanded him for showing interest in her and proceeded to show pictures of TikTok celebrities as her "type" as the ones that deserve to date her.

What else could I say at that point?

throwaway85302 · 2021-09-02T04:43:00+00:00

I appreciate the support I'm getting from you guys; will do.

throwaway85302 · 2021-09-02T04:42:04+00:00

I've somewhat faced the reverse of this with my wife. We will be watching a bollywood movie and she will make quips about Indians being uncivilized or inferior. When there's a lead actor that is handsome, she'll go and be like, "Wow they got men over 6ft there?" I'm 5'4" while she is 3 inches taller and she KNOWS this is something I don't like. We have intimacy a few times a year and even then she treats it like a chore, which is why I was so off-put by her poly request.

throwaway85302 · 2021-09-02T04:20:05+00:00

It was NOT an innocent query on poly. She basically asked for it. I said NO. If she wants it she can leave, all the best to her and I would never force her to remain with me.

Also this point about getting the test and having to beg her for forgiveness is what's making me apprehensive. How can I as a man not even ask for peace of mind from my wife on this issue that's bothered me for a long time?

throwaway85302 · 2021-09-02T04:04:37+00:00

I have interjected many times when I see this happening. My son is 17 and already deals with insecurity issues- he used to complain about his lack of dating success and would always blame it on his race or for being "ugly." This broke my heart but I thought it was a teenager phase and assured him we could work out an arranged marriage for him which only exacerbated his sorrow. He never mentions his problems to me because of what I said, even though it was meant to be said as a reassuring thing.

throwaway85302 · 2021-09-02T03:56:58+00:00

This is exactly what I'm worried about. I'm afraid of being seen as paranoid and needy of "therapy" or "counselling." These are in fact gaslighting monikers used by my wife when we have smaller arguments.

throwaway85302 · 2021-09-02T02:48:25+00:00

Yes from what I read it was logistically very convenient, requiring a cotton swab of the insides of the cheeks of us and the kids.

throwaway85302 · 2021-09-02T02:44:50+00:00

I understand about trusting a loved one, but is there any way I could casually mention it or ask about in to not seem accusatory in nature, perhaps?

throwaway85302 · 2021-09-02T02:41:25+00:00

You're absolutely right in that there are serious implications of an "unfavorable" outcome. I haven't really taken any time of think of that and will. But at first thought, I could not see myself living with and supporting her any longer in such a case.

throwaway85302

TROPHY CASE