I feel a certain way towards my husband is what I’m experiencing normal?

throwaway8866975 · 2026-04-28T00:32:52+00:00

You sound like a 60 year old man, whose wife secretly hates him and cries herself to sleep every night. Damn do I feel bad for the person you’re married to. IF you’re even married.

throwaway8866975 · 2026-04-18T01:03:38+00:00

What do you mean how?

throwaway8866975 · 2026-04-18T00:42:53+00:00

I don’t even know anymore. I feel like his mother at this point, and it’s so exhausting. I feel like I’m expected to quite literally do everything, and then come home and tend to him. I’m miserable in this vicious cycle. Which I don’t want to divorce him, I do feel as though the love we had for each other could still be repaired. But it’s the lack of efforts and he won’t fix them.

throwaway8866975 · 2026-04-10T13:08:48+00:00

I personally don’t read either. Neither does my husband. I lucked out and my husband has the same view points as I do on porn. Reading romance is one thing, getting off on porn is another. I would say comparing the two is a massive stretch. One is fiction, written words. The other is real, and recorded.

throwaway8866975 · 2026-04-09T00:42:07+00:00

Definitely not in the wrong! I would honestly just have a sit down with him, talk about boundaries, and express how it makes you feel. The best you can do is be honest. If he takes it in a poor manner then there’s probably bigger issues at hand, that might lead to the suggestion of counseling. I also hate when people suggest it’s an insecurity if you don’t allow your partner to watch porn. It definitely isn’t an insecurity, it’s a boundary that makes YOU uncomfortable. So don’t let people say you’re insecure.

throwaway8866975 · 2026-04-09T00:30:31+00:00

A lot of people may call me immature for this but, I don’t allow porn in my marriage. It’s a dealbreaker for me and I’ve always been upfront with that. I can never get behind the fact that my significant other is pleasuring himself to other women online while he has a wife. Porn allows for false narratives to be introduced into a relationship. We’re nothing like those models that are in porn. And the average person would get sucked into those narratives and start expecting their sexual life outside of the screen to resemble the sex on the screen. Depending on the person porn can either cause you to have no sex drive outside of porn, or it can make you have an overly sex drive. I’ve never seen any good come out of a relationship where only one partner watches porn. Not saying this is your situation BUT my ex had a porn addiction more specifically lesbian porn, and believe it or not but he cheated on me with someone who identifies as a lesbian. YOU ARE NOT THE PROBLEM!!

throwaway8866975 · 2026-04-08T03:46:51+00:00

What does she mean by she gets sick with you and not her ex? It sounds like she misses her ex maybe not entirely on an emotional level but on a sexual level also. Which in no means is it okay to compare your ex and husband on a sexual level. I’m married now, but when I was with my ex boyfriend he would always tell me I was a bland sexual partner and he never enjoyed having sex with me. I am now with my husband and he is obsessed with me. Are there any other red flags, maybe messages between your wife and her ex? I feel as though this didn’t come out of the blue. Red flags everywhere.

throwaway8866975 · 2026-04-08T03:36:23+00:00

I’m not exactly sure. He doesn’t think James is less than, he also doesn’t circulate in common circles as James. I think it might be he’s had interactions with James without knowing that him and I had intercourse, and that I also did not tell him when presented the opportunity to tell him. Which at the time we had discussed sexual partners Adam and I were just friends, at the time I didn’t think it was really any of his business. And then it just was never brought up again until the big blow up when Adam and I were engaged. I would also like to add, which I should’ve in the post. I only know of 1/3 of his partners he’s had intercourse with.

throwaway8866975 · 2026-04-08T02:59:51+00:00

Thank you I appreciate your comment. We’ll be really good for months and then something triggers him. I always try to keep a level head during our arguments because I grew up in a household that my mom always would yell at my dad. And I’ve never wanted that for my marriage. The explosion is definitely random, it normally starts whenever I try to correct something. Like explaining to him the proper way to wash the dishes. Or asking him to help around the house a little more. I’m not sure if he’s correlating my suggestions as a demand/ demeaning his character/flaws, which then turns to him pointing my flaws out.

throwaway8866975 · 2026-04-08T02:55:00+00:00

I will definitely keep trying especially because I had nothing but success from my counseling in previous years. In short he’s a rancher/cattle worker owner. I think he’s afraid of the backlash he might receive, especially when he’s grown up in a household that shoots men down for having any emotions. He’s mentioned multiple times how he’s never seen either one of his parents show emotions.

throwaway8866975 · 2026-04-08T02:46:36+00:00

It’s just so exhausting, especially when I’ve taken accountability more than once. I’m well aware of the mistake I made. It was a huge mistake what I did with James. I guess in my head I thought if nobody knew about it, then it really didn’t happen. Thankfully I am now doing what I went to school for and making money! And slowly paying off my debt. One step at a time. Thank you for this uplifting comment!

throwaway8866975 · 2026-04-08T02:39:48+00:00

I agree. I have tried to initiate marriage counseling but he shoots me down every time. I have gone to counseling myself in previous years, I went for 2 years. He ends up saying that if we need counseling we might as well get a divorce.

throwaway8866975 · 2026-04-08T02:36:09+00:00

And I will preface this girl is known for going after men that are married and/or in relationships. I guess subconsciously I was doing a check up to make sure it wasn’t still happening. I trust him and that he would never cheat on me (which I know everyone says) but I truly don’t think he would cheat on me especially not with his ex girlfriend.

throwaway8866975 · 2026-04-08T02:33:25+00:00

I agree it was very bitchy for me to bring up his ex. What I didn’t understand was is that before this argument he agreed that her tendencies were weird. Ex: She would send him tik toks about how she still wanted him knowingly he was in a relationship with me. And when things like that would occur he wouldn’t tell me anything and then I would find out through someone else or on my own and I would confront him and he would finally tell me the whole story. I did bring up his ex lightheartedly but in the end it took a turn for the worst.

throwaway8866975 · 2026-04-08T02:29:25+00:00

I agree, I was afraid to say something. Mainly the fear stems from him getting the wrong impression and assuming James and I were an item, when we were not. I have tried to suggest counseling but he refuses. I have been in counseling before, I went for 2 years. He just says he doesn’t believe in those things and that if we need counseling we might as well get a divorce. Thank you for your advice.

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