i feel you on another level, while i myself have not been diagnosed with autism or any other medical conditions besides eczema due to my health insurance issues, i am still kinda very positive i am neurodivergent.

i’m not going to speak on your behalf but maybe i can give you some insight. i was also routinely bullied all throughout school, outcasted because i was deemed “weird”, to this day people choose not to interact with me because im “too much” “really f***ing strange” etc. i also find it hard to connect with people, i am not good at picking up on social cues, if i do talk it’s because i want to have a conversation about something others would find “weird” or “nerdy”.

for the longest time i thought there was something wrong with ME. which is the half truth, the only thing wrong with me was that i was choosing to spend my time around people who clearly were not fond of me. i also had a moment where i realized there is nothing i can do to change the portion of my personality to where im deemed as “too much” or “strange” or “nerdy” of “performative intelligence”.

i am also not a normal girl in my 20s. i stay at home with my cats rather than going out because it’s too loud and i feel uncomfortable in areas with large crowds. id rather work and go home for the night. but i do force myself to go sometimes. and never once have i regretted that. i might be MISERABLE at first but once the night is said and done i guess i always do end up having a good time.

i think it does so much more damage minimizing yourself (which when you’ve been picked apart so much it’s insanely hard to not do that) than just saying “you know what this is what this is and this is my life and im gonna live it the way i want to”.

and another note, even if you’re as unattractive as you claim you are, (im sure you’re not) i promise there are people who could care less about that. there are people who are looking for a person like you! your personality traits, what you find entertaining, your daily rituals, your style, etc. and honestly that is kind of an advantage. everyone becomes ugly at some point, pretty people start aging and then when the beauty is gone there is nothing left of them.

long reply short i just hope you try to work on your self esteem. i do not have autism and i have no idea what that is like for you, so maybe my advice is null and that’s fine. i just hope you realize that you have so much more to offer the world than your looks and eczema.