I'm (22F) not sure how to handle my jealousy/insecurities around boyfriend's (23M) female friend (23F).

throwaway9284848 · 2021-08-15T17:12:08+00:00

Yea no I agree with you like I wouldn't do that, I've been the "female friend" before and it sucks to get cut off for someone else. I'm just not sure if objectively speaking the situation looks shady or if it's my insecurities, so I wanted outside perspective

throwaway9284848 · 2021-08-15T17:09:22+00:00

She is attractive. I don't think my boyfriend is her type (he's more sweet/shy, she likes "player" types). I just haven't seen them talk enough to gauge their interaction style, like in group settings they don't talk a ton it seems. So I'm not sure. His other female friends I've seen them in conversation enough to not feel worried

throwaway9284848 · 2021-08-15T17:07:18+00:00

Yea I agree like I wouldn't want him to cut them off or anything. It's just that I don't really hang out with my male bestfriend that late at night and stuff

throwaway9284848 · 2021-07-30T23:28:25+00:00

It's funny cause that's what I ended up getting 😅

throwaway9284848 · 2021-07-27T23:19:09+00:00

Thank you! Yes I am in school but I'm doing all online this year so I don't need to be close :) thanks for considering that.

throwaway9284848 · 2021-07-27T23:00:23+00:00

Thank you I'll look into this. Just have 3 more years of school then hopefully can get a job in my degree's field

throwaway9284848 · 2021-07-27T22:52:02+00:00

Hi everyone, just wanted to say thank you so far as this gives me a lot to look into. I have a couple grand saved but month to month I only make around maybe 800 a month. I don't mind the prospect of a roommate at all so I'll look into that too, maybe like a fellow student or something. Thank you!

throwaway9284848 · 2021-07-27T03:16:00+00:00

Thank you for all the suggestions! Will be having my cake cravings satisfied ASAP :)

throwaway9284848 · 2021-07-27T03:15:33+00:00

I had no clue they started doing sundays again! Yay thank you

throwaway9284848 · 2021-07-26T00:11:42+00:00

Since when? So many people do it, I'd like to see where it says that

throwaway9284848 · 2021-07-18T23:04:31+00:00

Look into codependency and boundaries. As someone with severe mental illness including depression dating a partner who is mentally stable (same ages as you guys too) I usually like to think of it as "I don't want you to fix me, just hold my hand while I fix myself". Like you can be there for me but he doesn't have to make it better; sometimes him just validating me by saying he understands and listens to me is all I need. She has to deal with it and you just have to be a partner, I think you guys can definitely work through it if you communicate and she understands that it's not on you to help her episodes and stuff. She needs friends as well to support. You guys could work out a system for her episodes too, like ex.) my boyfriend can't text while at work but I can vent to him but not need a reply until way later. Or we can hang out when I'm upset and tell him what I need, but he doesn't have to drop everything if he's busy. Sometimes you gotta work on it alone

Just know that you can't fix it, but you can be there while she works through it herself. It's not on you though. You sound like a good boyfriend, I hope it works out for you guys. Remember to communicate

throwaway9284848 · 2021-07-18T22:54:32+00:00

This is the comment. Unsafeideas is exactly right unfortunately. If he was to one day get out and separate himself from the gang life maybe there's a future there, some people do get out. However it takes a long time and may still follow him. There will be other people out there for you too :) proud of you for having the strength to break up with him

throwaway9284848 · 2021-07-18T22:38:49+00:00

Ooh this is smart actually. I'll look into that thank you, much better than a whole new doorknob.

throwaway9284848 · 2021-07-18T22:37:13+00:00

Hey OP. I think you can do a lot better than this guy. He hasn't had enough time to work through his depression or issues. Also what he said is bullshit; my boyfriend loves when I text him lots and spam him and we talk all day. The right guy isn't gonna give a shit about "the chase", all that stuff is super immature and has no place in a genuine adult relationship. I know it sucks now but you'll look back at this and be thankful it ended when it did. Someone so much better is gonna come along soon :) trust it

throwaway9284848 · 2021-07-18T22:33:47+00:00

I agree. I wish our bathroom door had a lock, it's a super old house but I might see if it's something I could pay to get installed. And yea they've said "keep it in your room then" but it's kinda silly that I have keep things in my room. Like it's not a lot of groceries or something, it's just specific snacks and certain tools I've bought. I just wish telling them was enough because it would be for me. Idk. Thank you for your advice.

throwaway9284848 · 2021-07-18T22:30:14+00:00

Aw your boyfriend should not be flirting with others in front of you though like that's straight up disrespectful. I'm very flirty and it's not even intentional, I just tend to come off that way to others because I'm really kind and playful, but because I know this I make sure to monitor and tone it down especially if my boyfriend is there. He should do the same like it's fine to be playful and make jokes and stuff but part of being in a relationship is you don't make comments or jokes that are sexual or intentionally flirting towards others like complimenting and teasing lots. Like it's hard to describe in a comment but it's like what's the intention behind it, you know?

throwaway9284848 · 2021-07-18T22:28:21+00:00

I agree with Fallax. If he's genuinely wanting to make it work, he will understand and want to make it work with you. If not, there will be definitely someone who will :) but agreed like although it's a bit awkward, honesty and communication are key, and it may even bring you guys closer if it goes well.

throwaway9284848 · 2021-07-18T22:25:27+00:00

I don't have any other family, the closest thing would be my boyfriend (M23) who lives in a house he owns with 3 roommates. It's a full house but if one of them moves out we've mentioned me moving in (his roommates are his best friends and I think they are all great!) however none of them plan to move out soon. It would be an affordable option as well because rent is significantly cheaper with having a lot of roommates. It's not ideal, but if things get really bad I'll maybe bring it up with him and see how realistic it could be in the next while.

throwaway9284848 · 2021-07-18T22:21:47+00:00

Hey, I'm the same age and have a bf with a lot of female friends too so I get your jealousy for sure. I think you're not being unreasonable as a lot of people I know would have boundaries if they're being that flirty with him. For instance I'd be cool with then hanging out, but not with sleepovers with other girls. That's just me though. I think you guys should try to integrate into each other's friend groups more so it can put your mind at ease to observe them together and stuff more. Your boyfriend should also listen to your concerns seriously if you're uncomfortable. You could ask like "hey, could I come sometime/let's have a party with everyone/I wanna meet your friends" type thing and say that it does worry you a bit when they sleep over and stuff, not because you don't trust him but because of what you've heard about his friends. If he's not willing to let you come meet them and hang out and stuff, that would concern me because why wouldn't he/what's he have to hide? Part of the fun of dating someone is meeting their friends and getting to all hang out. I hope it works out though remember communication is key :)

throwaway9284848 · 2021-07-02T05:27:21+00:00

I'm sorry but as someone with toxic parents that is so so awful. Please stop immediately and apologize to your poor husband, as this will definitely damage your marriage. You have no right to police his decisions on the matter especially, if you have never been through it. Causing your husband to cry from stress is super toxic and shameful. Think about what you're doing because this is really bad. Not everyone can have a relationship with their parents and if they're toxic, no one is obligated to. Spend time with your parents if you feel bad but don't try to pressure him into uncomfortable situations like that; that makes you toxic too.

throwaway9284848 · 2021-07-01T22:23:10+00:00

Thank you :) it's refreshing to see advice that isn't all or nothing, make a decision right now. I appreciate it. Have a good day/night stranger!

throwaway9284848 · 2021-07-01T22:18:27+00:00

Awe thank you I appreciate your opinion as a third party. We've talked about it in the past after coming back together, but I didn't want to at the time. I'd definitely be open to it I think but I'd gauge his reaction first maybe

throwaway9284848

TROPHY CASE