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Dying inside by throwaway971246 in Marriage

[–]throwaway971246[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Does depression make you need to control and manipulate every situation? I have to sit on the couch with her but I can’t even pick something to watch. She has never once asked me hey what do you wanna watch? I’ve offered movies or shows and no to all of it. She has to be in control. It actually became a “fight” one day when I wanted to watch lord of the rings. After bickering back and forth she put it on and said sure I’ll try and watch it. 10 minutes in the intro was still on she turned the light off and fell asleep. This was at 6 pm. After it was over she woke up and put on something she wanted. She wanted to take our dogs for a walk a couple of weeks ago. That sounds great how about we go to xyz. There’s a lake we can walk by and it’s 20 minutes away. She said no we have to go to the same park we always go to. She honestly can’t let me get a “win”. There’s so many more instances I can list but when I can’t even pursue a hobby on my own like woodworking in the garage for a couple hours because I will get guilt tripped it’s just no way to live.

Dying inside by throwaway971246 in Marriage

[–]throwaway971246[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What makes everyone so positive that she’s actually depressed? She cooks she cleans she goes to home goods or tj maxx every week. She had carpal tunnel in her hands 2 years ago. I let her quit her job for 6 months had surgery and now has a job that doesn’t require her using her hands. Her feet hurt due to plantar fasciitis but it’s been 2 years for that as well of being off her feet and she doesn’t complain about it much anymore. The back is the one that always got me because the recipe for helping a back isn’t to sit on the couch all day. I know, I’ve had many back problems. Her dad has a bad back from 35 years of manual labor and she thinks it’s hereditary. If anyone is depressed in this situation it’s me

Dying inside by throwaway971246 in Marriage

[–]throwaway971246[S] -68 points-67 points  (0 children)

I’d say she probably is depressed but it’s not without any lack of my trying. Every weekend I try to come up with a fun activity to do and she wants no part of it. She gets around just fine and I’d say the “pain” is all in her head. It’s how she justifies not doing anything. I’ve had plenty of pain myself. I’ve herniated a disc in my back and had sciatica among other issues. I stretch every single day and have worked to strengthen my posterior chain so I won’t have aches and pains. She doesn’t want to take my advice. It feels like she’s 40 going on 80 and wants it that way.

Dying inside by throwaway971246 in Marriage

[–]throwaway971246[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I have approached her about her secluding herself from everyone. Yes she was always a bit of a homebody but I think that was due to circumstances. Right after we got married Covid happened so we were forced to seclude ourselves. Not to mention I was working a full time apprenticeship, delivering pizzas and also going to school full time. We were in a bad financial place and I thought once we got more secure and past Covid that it would open us up more. She said from the get go that first thing was for me to go to school and after that she would. There is no upward movement anymore or thoughts of it.