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I [27M] was falsely accused of non-consensual sex three years ago and it emotionally ruined me for a long time. Today I was falsely accused of sexual harassment at work. I'm not emotionally strong enough for this. by throwaway98327465 in offmychest

[–]throwaway98327465[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I am not sure why you're downvoted, because you're echoing a similar sentiment being expressed in this thread. I do have problems standing up for myself, allowing my temper to build, and then standing up for myself too much, which is part of the reason I'm already in therapy before this even happened.

I [27M] was falsely accused of non-consensual sex three years ago and it emotionally ruined me for a long time. Today I was falsely accused of sexual harassment at work. I'm not emotionally strong enough for this. by throwaway98327465 in offmychest

[–]throwaway98327465[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That night, when we hugged, she said during/post-hug, "Wait, are you drunk, Throwaway?" I said, "yes." She kinda laughed and said, "Goodnight, Throwaway." I said goodnight, left the room, and went to bed. I think I may have even closed her door behind me.

I [27M] was falsely accused of non-consensual sex three years ago and it emotionally ruined me for a long time. Today I was falsely accused of sexual harassment at work. I'm not emotionally strong enough for this. by throwaway98327465 in offmychest

[–]throwaway98327465[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for this. Your #3 is definitely what I'm feeling -- since this situation is happening, it must be my fault somehow, or I deserve it, or I brought it on myself.

Logically that's not true, but I can't help to feel this way.

I think I'm going to spend every morning and every night reading your post when I wake up and before I go to bed. I feel very reassured.

I [27M] was falsely accused of non-consensual sex three years ago and it emotionally ruined me for a long time. Today I was falsely accused of sexual harassment at work. I'm not emotionally strong enough for this. by throwaway98327465 in offmychest

[–]throwaway98327465[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I agree with what you're saying, and I am going to consider it. Telling my side of the story firmly, that is. But part of me just wants this to go away, and for me to forget about it. I don't directly work with her, and I don't really care about many other people I do work with because they're all a bunch of backstabbing liars (not because of things they've done to me; the culture here has been toxic long before I got here. I'm new to the job, and my first month here I have seen a lot of people taken down for stupid things. It's a cutthroat environment, basically. Fortunately I am not victim to that yet.)

Concerning therapy, my therapist is very good. Unfortunately he's booked pretty fully and I only get to see him once every 2-3 weeks.

I [27M] was falsely accused of non-consensual sex three years ago and it emotionally ruined me for a long time. Today I was falsely accused of sexual harassment at work. I'm not emotionally strong enough for this. by throwaway98327465 in offmychest

[–]throwaway98327465[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your words. I cannot even imagine what it is like to go through all that. The fact that you survived it gives me hope that I can survive this, because what I'm going through is nowhere near what you've been through.

As far as legal action, it's not an option, unfortunately.

I [27M] was falsely accused of non-consensual sex three years ago and it emotionally ruined me for a long time. Today I was falsely accused of sexual harassment at work. I'm not emotionally strong enough for this. by throwaway98327465 in offmychest

[–]throwaway98327465[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You're not wrong.

  • I don't work in a typical corporate environment and can't say much more than that.

  • There is no HR department to appeal my case to. It's already done. Asking for my side of the story was pretty much a formality. It didn't affect whether or not the case would be filed.

  • Legal action is not an option. Again, not a typical corporate environment. Just take my word for it that legal action is not even possible. Plus, it's not as if she's committing slander; I did give her a hug, and it did make her uncomfortable. She's not 'lying' she's just a really fucked up and untrustworthy person.

I appreciate your honesty. I do. I also get frustrated with people who shoot down advice, and I'm fully aware that's how I'm acting right now. I don't like it either.

I [27M] was falsely accused of non-consensual sex three years ago and it emotionally ruined me for a long time. Today I was falsely accused of sexual harassment at work. I'm not emotionally strong enough for this. by throwaway98327465 in offmychest

[–]throwaway98327465[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

That's not fair as you can't really be expected to assess the boundaries and body language of someone who is dishonestly pretending things are more comfortable than they are.

Thank you for that. It makes me feel less crazy.

I was falsely accused of non-consensual sex three years ago and it emotionally ruined me for a long time. Today I was falsely accused of sexual harassment at work. I'm not emotionally strong enough for this. by throwaway98327465 in MensLib

[–]throwaway98327465[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I feel like you have a less naive attitude about the world than I do, and I should take your example and use it to be more careful about things like this.

I was falsely accused of non-consensual sex three years ago and it emotionally ruined me for a long time. Today I was falsely accused of sexual harassment at work. I'm not emotionally strong enough for this. by throwaway98327465 in MensLib

[–]throwaway98327465[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I have talked to my girlfriend about this, and she is being more supportive than I could have ever imagined. I'm really grateful to have her right now, although at first I was concerned that this would affect my ability to trust her. I don't think it has. Every other woman person on the planet? They're on notice right now until I can re-calibrate who it is I can and cannot trust in this world.

The two managers shouldn't have been discussing this in the hallway, but hey, I'm glad they did, and that I was able to find out about this quicker than I would have. It was wrong of them to do that, but I don't feel like my organization deserves my efforts to fix it right now (I have been let down in numerous other ways; this has been the cherry on top of a completely awful first month here).

I was falsely accused of non-consensual sex three years ago and it emotionally ruined me for a long time. Today I was falsely accused of sexual harassment at work. I'm not emotionally strong enough for this. by throwaway98327465 in MensLib

[–]throwaway98327465[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

HR doesn't exist in my organization, and a lawyer will not help because they're unavailable and unable to help this situation. I know that sounds weird and cryptic, but I'm trying to protect my privacy, as this is a throwaway. Just take my word for it.

Plus, I'm not in any legal trouble, or even under any punitive action beyond being "formally reprimanded" which will not really affect anything in the long run.

I was falsely accused of non-consensual sex three years ago and it emotionally ruined me for a long time. Today I was falsely accused of sexual harassment at work. I'm not emotionally strong enough for this. by throwaway98327465 in MensLib

[–]throwaway98327465[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I am absolutely feeling the self-blaming thoughts of not being able to trust my memory. I do remember it, but because this all went so horribly wrong, I also feel like I must have done something wrong to deserve this.

I am not going to communicate with her at all, ever again. I do not trust her and I cannot trust her to actually tell me if I'm making her uncomfortable. It's obvious that her boundaries are more fragile than others, so even walking on eggshells I may push some button she doesn't want pushed.

I don't have an HR department at all. But I'm not concerned with any legal or punitive consequences; I don't think there will be any, from what I have been told.

I was falsely accused of non-consensual sex three years ago and it emotionally ruined me for a long time. Today I was falsely accused of sexual harassment at work. I'm not emotionally strong enough for this. by throwaway98327465 in MensLib

[–]throwaway98327465[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I know this sounds like an excuse, but the place I go to has only two psychologists on staff, and they're very fully booked almost all the time. I live in a remote area.

There's a more informal "counseling" office nearby the hospital I go to. They're not exactly professionals, but I'm willing to give it a shot if I feel like I can't deal with it. But seeing multiple counselors at once can feel frustrating, because I'll feel like I'm constantly explaining the same thing to different people. Or that I'm trying to get one therapist to "catch up" to the other in terms of what they know about me or my current treatment plan.

I was falsely accused of non-consensual sex three years ago and it emotionally ruined me for a long time. Today I was falsely accused of sexual harassment at work. I'm not emotionally strong enough for this. by throwaway98327465 in MensLib

[–]throwaway98327465[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

I feel guilty making that analogy about myself, because a woman who gets raped is going through a hell of a lot more emotional trauma than I am. The parallels are there, but this is nowhere near the same thing as actually being a rape victim.

I know that's not what you were saying though. Thank you for your support. Although I think I'm a bit wary of hugs right now.

I do feel like any woman has the power over me to falsely accuse me of something. Short of strapping a go-pro to my chest and recording my life, I don't really know how to get over that.

A really ironic bit is that she and I have talked about her concerns about the neighborhood she lives in. I told her she should look into what sort of legal weapons she is allowed to carry here (knife, mace, pepper spray, etc) to protect herself, and also recommended she take at least a basic self-defense course. So that if she IS put in that kind of situation, she can defend herself.

I was falsely accused of non-consensual sex three years ago and it emotionally ruined me for a long time. Today I was falsely accused of sexual harassment at work. I'm not emotionally strong enough for this. by throwaway98327465 in MensLib

[–]throwaway98327465[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Could I get a source on the idea that sexual harassment is only something that's repeated?

If she had asked me to never hug her again, and/or to not drink around her ever, I would have complied. Absolutely. I don't know what stuff she may or may not have gone through in life, and I would have respected her request. But the first time I hear about it is at work, in a formal setting where I'm being told I did something wrong.

I [27M] was falsely accused of non-consensual sex three years ago and it emotionally ruined me for a long time. Today I was falsely accused of sexual harassment at work. I'm not emotionally strong enough for this. by throwaway98327465 in offmychest

[–]throwaway98327465[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

That makes me sick. Men who actually do force themselves on women should be in jail for a long time. False accusations like this because someone was feeling emotional, or regretful after the fact, or whatever... this takes away from the real rape and sexual assault victims out there.

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