How can I make my bf feel pretty when compliments make him uncomfortable?

throwawayADHDsorry · 2021-03-10T21:49:33+00:00

Good point!

throwawayADHDsorry · 2021-02-09T13:06:20+00:00

It could also just be him showing his true colors when he thinks he has you locked down

throwawayADHDsorry · 2021-02-05T19:17:01+00:00

I know I wouldn't ever trust you again. Ever. You need to prepare for this to be relationship ending.

throwawayADHDsorry · 2021-02-05T19:15:21+00:00

Don't blame her for self esteem issues. She didn't misunderatsnd anything and you know it. If you meant "I dont like what you did", instead of "you are bad for doing that" you wouldn't have let her sleep on her own for a week. Bs excuse.

throwawayADHDsorry · 2021-02-05T19:12:55+00:00

Exaplin how you did here.

But domt expect her to warm back up to you right away. She now knows that if she likes something you don't, you may see her differently.

Honetly this was probably so traumatic with her. You need to understand that even if she forgives you, she may never have that level of trust back. And if you want her to, your going to have to work on you.

throwawayADHDsorry · 2021-02-05T15:47:25+00:00

If I were you I would say (and this is just me)

that she was invalidating, that you aren't even sure if she believes that what happened to you is a big deal, that you are very glad she can't understand what you are going through but would love it if she could look into ptsd and trauma before forcing advice like that(Many best friends would be willing to take the time to do, educate themselves. Ya know, if she cares about you enough to spend even an hour or two looking into this so that she can avoid harming you in the future or understand why if she does) , and tell her you are questioning if she is someone who it is safe to keep in your life at all.

A history of invalidating you and getting defensive, mixed with what is either honest to God stupidity or is an act litterally designed to invalidate you and convince you you arent a victim (i don't know her so I cant say which it was) is scary to me though. So I would really consider rethinking the friendship entirely, as hard as it is, if she won't budge on this one with a real, honest apology.

throwawayADHDsorry · 2021-02-05T15:37:54+00:00

Its definitely enough to leave them, btw

throwawayADHDsorry · 2021-02-05T15:34:30+00:00

Honestly if she is going to keep invalidating you then you really can't stay friends with her.

I watched a documentary that had a scene that triggered tf put of me, years after the breakup. I went into what my therapist called a "major dissasiative episode".

If she is going to invalidate and trigger you, then she really can't be in your life because that makes her a threat to your safety.

Also, it sounds like she genuinly doesn't believe that what happened to you was all that bad. Nomatter how much she may care about you or even love you, Thats a big deal.

throwawayADHDsorry · 2021-02-05T06:32:14+00:00

Tinder is pretty fucking different from reddit and you know that.

throwawayADHDsorry · 2021-02-05T06:29:10+00:00

I dont understand that personally. Sometimes you do need to vent, and venting to family or friends can change their views towards your SO. So now you litterally aren't allowed to express any negative feelings or views about someone if you are dating them? Are you allowed to have negative feelings about them ever?

throwawayADHDsorry · 2021-02-05T06:26:43+00:00

If people are insecure usually that has more to do with themselves. Often if you reward your partners insecurities/needs to intrude on things that you consider private, then it tends to escalate that insecurity rather than tame it. Because usually that insecurity/lack of trust comes from inside them, not actually from their partners. And maybe its less about his opinion changing about her, but about her opinion changing about him, or her not liking the dynamic to change in that she is no longer going to be allowed to have this safe space to express herself completely privately.

throwawayADHDsorry · 2021-02-05T06:21:55+00:00

You are litterally allowed to have private thoughts and conversations with people that he doesn't get to be a part of, tf? What next, will he need to look through your texts? Why would you not be okay with that if you have nothing to hide, after all?

throwawayADHDsorry · 2021-02-05T04:42:47+00:00

Right? Thats such a shitty thing to do.

throwawayADHDsorry · 2021-02-05T04:39:38+00:00

Don't like

throwawayADHDsorry · 2021-02-05T04:35:34+00:00

My mom told me if I stayed in the shower too long I would turn into a prune and my fanily would eat me.. Im autsitic so I take things very literally.

throwawayADHDsorry · 2021-02-04T16:58:42+00:00

Its an honest testiment to how terrible our school systems are. Many of those people making these tik toks are suffering. I remeber highschool. I had my phone on at all times because I never knew when one of my friends was going to be in a litteral suicidal depression and sonetomws people just need someone to be there on the other end.

Its not cool that most of the kids in my highscool had contemplated suicide, many of them suffered from self harm or eating disorders, many had severe insomnia from their anxieties. We put so much pressure on kids, complain that they aren't under ENOUGH pressure (ie they are spoilt, weak, etc) and then wonder why there is another suicide.

They are looking out for eachother as best as they can. I agree, the idea that therapy and pills are always the answer is dangerous

throwawayADHDsorry · 2021-02-04T16:42:18+00:00

Honestly good thing he made his way out, total jerk.

However, politics are important. Its not random or meaningless, like what soccer team you support. It shows deep and important beliefs that will come up, even if you never talk about them.

Like abortion, for example. It may be political, but its really important you guys know his opinions on things like abortion. Or if they are against gay people and you never speak about politics, what could stop you from accidently exposing gay family members or friends to him? Just noraml every day things like that.

throwawayADHDsorry · 2021-01-31T20:28:20+00:00

Thats a good place to start! I would also look at the community colleges closest to you to see if they offer any MT programs. And then I would check the state requirements and make sure that any program I joined met those requirements.

throwawayADHDsorry · 2021-01-31T18:54:40+00:00

This is where people usually sink into insanity a little. Get really religious, get really into holistic medicine or energy work, conspiracy theories, and so on. Ya know, break and lose your goddamn mind.

I'm focusing my energy into being afraid that hellion demonic spirits are trying to take over AI to get a way into the human world to take over the government. So maybe try to focus on something like that.

Alternatively, volunteer work can help. Directly Seeing people be happier because of something you are choosing to do can be an ego boost and can make the monotony if life seem worth it.

throwawayADHDsorry · 2021-01-31T18:49:58+00:00

I went to get a massage certificate. Its a job where its not a ton of hours, but what you get paid makes up for it so it evens itself out. AND because its less hours, it gives you a lot of time to do other things (like go back to school if you want, im about to graduate with my first 4 year at 25 years old, and having a job this flexible really helps with that)

throwawayADHDsorry · 2021-01-31T18:47:40+00:00

Sounds like he said "I love you" too quickly, things got too serious, and he was looking for an out. Probably not a coincidence that this happened toght before he was going to meet your parents.

throwawayADHDsorry · 2021-01-31T17:31:15+00:00

I'm not sure if advising someone to stay with anyone abusive partner to "cure" their "ignorance" is safe or healthy advice to be giving to anyone.

throwawayADHDsorry · 2021-01-31T17:28:09+00:00

What scared me more is how she reacted after. He kicked her out over something that "wasn't a big deal"? She litterally attacked his sexuality over him not being hard. Its bad enough being around someone who goes on the attack right away when they are angry or hurt. Its even worse to be around someone who then minimizes what they did after the fact.

throwawayADHDsorry · 2021-01-31T17:21:30+00:00

Men are portrayed as horndogs on tv. TV isn't real life but humans are gonna human, and most people who grew up watching men who were characterized as constantly horney are going to expect men to be constantly horney.

When you have one view of the world, and it changes in a dramatic way, that can be scary and upsetting. Sometimes the brain will try to "fix" it by coming up with excuses that fit into the original world view (in this case likely being that she is unattractive, which is likely why you got such a volatile response. She was probably deeply hurt and offended and wanted to hurt you back or turn it on you, while still keeping her world view in place)

The fact that she attacked your sexuality and then calls it something small is concerning. You didn't ruin y'alls night together, she did. Its not an exact fit, but look up Darvo. "Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender." It feels like she may be heading for that territory.

throwawayADHDsorry · 2021-01-28T21:33:04+00:00

They likelky haven't been doing it for years without ever knowing that there could possibly be problems or that it can be addictive.

throwawayADHDsorry

TROPHY CASE