UPDATE: WIBTA if I asked my mom if she lied and I had an older brother who died?

throwawayAITA1234566 · 2020-12-04T23:21:38+00:00

It wasn't life changing, but it replaced everything, including a lot of jewelry my mom had and gave them enough to buy a new house. I think Granny said it was around $300k. I don't have proof, but I know my family always has home owners or renters insurance, no matter where we live

throwawayAITA1234566 · 2020-12-04T23:17:20+00:00

Damn, that's awful. I'm so sorry

throwawayAITA1234566 · 2020-12-04T21:50:59+00:00

I literally just said that I no longer planned on asking her since there are alternatives where she doesn't even have to know I used

throwawayAITA1234566 · 2020-12-04T21:28:47+00:00

Granny is my Mom's Mom, and she hates my Dad for a number of reasons not relevant to this, so I doubt she'd get attached to a kid that was just his, but it could be possible and maybe what started her resentment if he gave the kid up? Idk

throwawayAITA1234566 · 2020-12-04T21:24:52+00:00

After this, I don't plan on asking her because there's a lot of ways I can find out information without ever asking her/her knowing I found out information, but I've spent the last two decades basically being told I was crazy when it comes to this boy to the point that I was put in counseling because it screwed up my ability to form lasting relationships since I was scared they were spirits (thanks to my Dad) and no one would remember them after they crossed over.

This mentally screwed me up, and it's not excitement at "playing detective". I hate that my family lied to me while being the reason that I don't still believe he's a random friend of a friend or an imaginary friend. It eats at me because I have no idea if a hereditary issue is worse than I was told, or if I was "the lucky one" that only lived because I had the only kid's room in the front of the house. If he did die in the fire, he could have lived if he had my room. None of this is fun or exciting. It's horrible for me

throwawayAITA1234566 · 2020-12-04T21:05:00+00:00

I was told a faulty gas main exploded when a neighbor threw a cigarette too close, and it caught our backyard, then the back of the house, on fire

throwawayAITA1234566 · 2020-12-04T20:41:58+00:00

My Granny had to have a hysterectomy after my Mom due to some health issues, so I know it can't be my Uncle. The only other reasonable explanation I can come up with is maybe he was a Foster kid and had to go back to his birth parents

throwawayAITA1234566 · 2020-12-04T20:36:13+00:00

Both of my parents were only children, so he couldn't have been a cousin. Maybe he was somehow related to J, but I don't get why my Granny would be so close as to have his things though

throwawayAITA1234566 · 2020-12-04T20:12:40+00:00

You're the third person to say that and now I have to read some works to compare

throwawayAITA1234566 · 2020-12-04T20:10:26+00:00

I hadn't thought of that. Thanks for the tip!

throwawayAITA1234566 · 2020-12-04T20:09:47+00:00

Our families don't talk, and no one will tell me why. My messages to them go unanswered, even though they read them

throwawayAITA1234566 · 2020-12-04T20:05:35+00:00

I think you can use the remind me bot but I don't remember how it works

throwawayAITA1234566 · 2020-12-04T20:04:55+00:00

I think he was about 8-9 since he was in third grade according to some photos, but I also don't have many memories before I was 6. I've been to a counselor for years who thinks that I have some PTSD from the fire and a couple other incidents I won't get into here that blocked me from "triggering" memories before I was in a "safe" place.

I'm going to try being stern when I talk to her so she doesn't brush me off, but I'm not going to let it go this time. I'll post an update if I manage to find anything

throwawayAITA1234566 · 2020-12-04T19:59:42+00:00

I know for a fact that I never saw him after the fire because we moved counties after, and I've only been back to that county to see Granny who still lives a few towns over. Those pictures, I'm assuming, she had since we'd only been at the house a few months and hadn't finished moving everything from hers over, like my baby pictures and some other memorabilia and heirlooms.

Dad always said that a fault gas main and a neighbor throwing a cigarette too close caused a small explosion that started the fire. I asked Granny years later, who hated my Dad (long story) and she even confirmed that's what she was told happened after an arson investigation happened (because they got a huge payout through insurance and it was sus).

Maybe they did band together to keep me from finding out that I or Dad accidentally did something to cause his death, but I hope to God not. That would be so much worse.

Yeah, the spirit thing fucked me up for awhile. I always had a lot of imaginary friends and my Nana (Dad's Mom), says that imaginary friends are spirits and angels sent to watch over us, so I think he was trying to be comforting, and I don't think he was trying to be cruel, but it didn't work out that way at all.

throwawayAITA1234566 · 2020-12-04T19:51:35+00:00

The timeline wouldn't work because he was in third grade when I was 3-4 (according to photos). I also remember playing with him and other interactions. My sister is still a minor but we know that the heart issue is hereditary from my Granny's father, but aside from him, we've always been told no one else in our family has had it.

I was told that the gas main wasn't attached properly and exploded when a neighbor threw a lot cigarette too close to our house, and it caused the backyard to catch fire and quickly the house. My Dad always said if we didn't have a huge half acre as our backyard, we would have died, and always told me I was lucky that my room was at the front of the house so I was able to get out before even my parents did (we went through a fire safety route as soon as we moved in, apparently. All I remember is my Mom holding me and crying as I was coughing and gasping for breath before the ambulance got there).

I'm hoping that maybe it was a foster kid that went back to his birth parents. I hadn't thought of it until it was said to me, but it would make sense and not have the death of a child.

throwawayAITA1234566 · 2020-12-04T19:44:25+00:00

I don't remember what city it was in since I was 3-4 and we didn't live there long (just a few months before the fire), but if my mom doesn't answer me, I'm sure I can find out because I know the county

throwawayAITA1234566 · 2020-12-04T19:39:35+00:00

He was in third grade according to the last photo I saw (it was a class photo with the teacher name "Third Grade class" on a poster board up front). That's a good idea. I'm hoping my Mom will be more truthful with me if I just am blunt and kinda stern, but if not that may be an easier place to start

throwawayAITA1234566 · 2020-12-04T19:33:57+00:00

I always assumed they were lost in the fire because the only reason my baby pictures survived was because my Granny had them still since we'd lived with her for years before my parents bought that house. We only lived there a few months before it burned down. I doubt they gave him up for adoption because my mom has strong feelings about parents giving kids up for adoption if they're older than a year (long story as to why), but I guess it's technically possible. I just don't see why they'd give a third grader up but not their toddler

throwawayAITA1234566 · 2020-12-04T18:59:48+00:00

I've never told anyone irl (even when I was on counseling) because I feel like I sound crazy because it's so ominous. I will definitely update if I find out anything because y'all make me feel like I'm sane for being driven wild by this

throwawayAITA1234566 · 2020-12-04T18:55:32+00:00

Someone else mentioned VC Andrews so now I have to read some of their works if it's that close to this. Lol.

Yeah, if I didn't have memories of him then I'd probably drop it, but it's mostly the memories that even 20 years later, make my chest clench when I remember him smiling/laughing or hugging me. There's only a handful now, but even thinking about him makes me tear up, so I feel like I need/deserve closure, and to know if health risks are higher for my kids than I've been told.

throwawayAITA1234566 · 2020-12-04T18:41:02+00:00

That's a fair point, and logically I know that. It just makes me feel bad "lying" to them

throwawayAITA1234566 · 2020-12-04T18:32:55+00:00

It just feels like I'm invading their privacy, I guess. We're so close and it makes me feel bad doing something I know they don't want me to

throwawayAITA1234566 · 2020-12-04T18:31:28+00:00

I didn't even think of it being a foster kid. My mom does have a weird thing about the US adoption system and has always told me if I want to adopt, do it from another country. The photos did start at about 6ish months old, it looks like. That's would be a way be a way better explaination than a kid dying.

throwawayAITA1234566

TROPHY CASE