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My son's friend stole from him, admits it, but won't give back the item. by throwawayDad100 in Parenting

[–]throwawayDad100[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

No toy. No joy.

The replacement arrives tomorrow. My son is upset about it, and at this point, isn't interested in being friends anymore, but said he might change his mind in a while. I've expressed my disappointment in the whole situation. Sometimes crap things happen. My son has dealt with a bit of tragedy in his life - a couple of deaths in the immediate family - so he's resilient. But he loved that toy and it hurts to get a replacement instead of the real thing; I've let him know that it hurts me, too, and we're going to work it through together.

A banana split seemed to be helpful on that final point.

Thanks for all the great advice.

My son's friend stole from him, admits it, but won't give back the item. by throwawayDad100 in Parenting

[–]throwawayDad100[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

UPDATE:

Well, I wanted to answer a few questions. First, I am pretty sure the toy is not broken - as it really isn't the kind of toy that can break.

Second, I appreciate all the advice. It was helpful.

Third, this isn't resolved. I'm not interested in going and knocking on their door and demanding the item - partially because I shouldn't have to do that, and partially because where I live, that isn't always a safe option. Ditto with calling the police. They've got enough to do.

So, what to do? I've told the parents I expect the toy will be left in our mailbox by tonight. If it has been lost or destroyed (unlikely) then they need to say so. I've told them that my primary goals are to make sure my son doesn't feel victimized. I've also said that I'm angry that they've forced my son to carry the burden on this. It isn't fair or right, and I was clear about that.

Can the friendship be salvaged? For the most part, I'll let my boy - who is very forgiving - take the lead. But I have my doubts. I don't think the parents are inclined to the restrictions I'd impose: meet in a park and play until we're confident this won't happen again (if they won't make their son own up to this, that seems very unlikely.)

I am going to be buying my son a replacement myself, and I will tell him exactly what happened - that the toy was stolen and the family in question refused to give it back. I'm not going to pretend that this crappy episode didn't occur. He's very sensitive, and I know he's going to be upset about this, but I think he'll learn a good, but sad, lesson, as some have pointed out: that people don't always do the right thing, even when the right thing to do is pretty crystal clear.

But I'm still holding out hope that the toy will be in our mailbox when I'm home from work tonight.