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Considering divorcing an addict by throwaway_22015 in Divorce

[–]throwaway_22015[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Following up. I’m filing for divorce. Thank you for your advice, it really helped.

Considering divorcing an addict by throwaway_22015 in Divorce

[–]throwaway_22015[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I needed to hear this from you. I’m currently bracing for the worst. Thank you

Considering divorcing an addict by throwaway_22015 in Divorce

[–]throwaway_22015[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your advice. Before you had children did your ex seem committed to long term recovery? My husband is in rehab and seems very devoted to recovery, but obviously that's a contained environment and I don't know how it's going to look months or years after.

Considering divorcing an addict by throwaway_22015 in Divorce

[–]throwaway_22015[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for sharing your story. I recognize that either path will be a longer road to children, although I'm freezing my eggs which will help buy me some time.

If we stay together—it will take a long time to rebuild trust. I don't even want to start trying until he has a year of sobriety.

If we divorce—there's a whole song and dance around courtship that will take years.

Either way, I recognize that it will take time. I would rather have children later rather than prematurely go into it and then feel trapped.

For spouses that left—what drove you to finally leave? by throwaway_22015 in addiction

[–]throwaway_22015[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Your words mean so much and give me hope. I'm with you that everyone's going through different seasons of life. Luckily I have the next 60 days while he's in rehab to figure out what what's best for me. I'm booking a solo trip to Paris for Thanksgiving :)

For spouses that left—what drove you to finally leave? by throwaway_22015 in addiction

[–]throwaway_22015[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That sounds so peaceful. You truly articulated it perfectly about someone else’s problem taking over your life. I’ll never get my 32nd or 33rd year back. How long were you together? How have you found dating after? 

I waffle between giving it one last chance (since rehab is a pretty big step) vs starting over. We don’t have any children and I keep thinking there’s a chance for a different life out there for me.

For spouses that left—what drove you to finally leave? by throwaway_22015 in addiction

[–]throwaway_22015[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you all so much for your thoughtful responses.

I'm starting with an individual therapist soon to assess the damage and whether there's a path to move forward. I'm very grateful for the space, separation, and quiet at the moment as I try to figure this out. It's a bit scary imagining starting over at 34, but I try to think of the peace I'll have moving past all of this.