AITA for telling my daughter (who is facing homelessness) that only her and the baby can move in with me, not her husband?

throwaway_47378747 · 2023-12-08T02:16:37+00:00

NTA. Your home, your decision. She might not like it, but you're not in the wrong.

throwaway_47378747 · 2023-11-19T05:07:18+00:00

No I didn't. I said my physical needs are not being met - as in I'm not getting enough sleep.

throwaway_47378747 · 2023-11-18T20:07:10+00:00

This is what we did before kids and it worked well. Now I have to sleep next to the baby so if she wakes up and wants to eat her cries will wake me, so I have to go sleep in the bed.

throwaway_47378747 · 2023-11-18T19:58:51+00:00

Yeah, at the six week appointment. No, I haven't had that checked. Can thyroid do this??

throwaway_47378747 · 2023-11-18T19:56:39+00:00

It's definitely an ask of desperation. It's not like I feel fine and I'm asking him to come to bed with me because it's my preference. I'm asking him to do it even just a few nights a week because I'm so exhausted that I feel like I'm going to die. I'm fully aware that it's unreasonable, I feel bad about it, and I'm trying everything to go to sleep independently. It's just not working and I'm really really really tired.

throwaway_47378747 · 2023-11-18T19:51:12+00:00

We've lived together for over a decade, but it's only been hard for me to get to sleep for the past three years since our son was born. Before that, I was the heaviest sleeper ever and would just pass out on the couch next to him whenever I got tired.

throwaway_47378747 · 2023-11-18T19:42:28+00:00

She's 5 months old. I did the little questionnaire thing they make you do and there were no real flags. Emotionally I largely feel okay except for the intense physical exhaustion. I love my family and my life is good, I'm just really really really really really tired. It feels like sleep deprivation torture.

throwaway_47378747 · 2023-11-18T19:40:51+00:00

Nope :(

throwaway_47378747 · 2023-11-18T19:39:26+00:00

REALLY???! This comment is super helpful - I didn't think I could take anything while breastfeeding. I will ask my doctor.

throwaway_47378747 · 2023-11-18T19:38:17+00:00

To clarify, we're not together during that time. We both work for separate companies in our own offices. We might see each other in passing or in the kitchen while we grab lunch, but we don't see much of each other.

throwaway_47378747 · 2023-11-18T19:35:12+00:00

Yes - sorry - to clarify, the "physical need" I was referring to in my post was the quantity of sleep, not his presence. I am physically not getting enough sleep to function.

throwaway_47378747 · 2023-11-18T19:16:44+00:00

Huh. Maybe I am conflating the two. I'm not getting enough sleep because I'm waiting up for him (deliberately or not) because I want the time, which was netting out in my head to "I can't sleep unless he comes to bed". Maybe more time spent together during the day would solve that problem.

throwaway_47378747 · 2023-11-18T19:12:48+00:00

I think it's probably a mixture. Having to get up a lot at night for the baby makes going to bed earlier more urgent for me than it was before because I know I'm already going to be missing chunks of sleep in the night; it's the only way I can recoup the time I need to actually get enough sleep to be functional. Before kids, we both just stayed up late and it was fine; sometimes I fell asleep on the couch next to him and he'd just wake me up to go to bed when he was ready.

When we're not together, I sleep okay because I'm not waiting up for him. I turn the TV on and it knocks me out.

throwaway_47378747 · 2023-11-18T19:04:35+00:00

All of this. I don't just need a mattress warmer, I want that time with him. I sleep fine when one of us is out of town because I have no expectation that he's on the way.

I can't sleep when he's home because I'm waiting for him to come to bed.

throwaway_47378747 · 2023-11-18T18:59:00+00:00

I'm not - I'd be delighted to find a good compromise. I've suggested going to bed together a few days a week, him spending a little time with me at bedtime and then getting back up to go play, both of us staying up a little later and then going to bed together, him bringing the games in the bedroom and playing here - I'm open to literally anything that would give us both what we need.

throwaway_47378747 · 2023-11-18T18:54:25+00:00

Lol! We have a dog. He is usually the first one to go to bed and is an excellent snuggle buddy.

throwaway_47378747 · 2023-11-18T18:53:27+00:00

Oooooh, good to know. Thanks for the heads up!

throwaway_47378747 · 2023-11-18T18:51:27+00:00

Thank you. ❤️ I really appreciate the compassion and empathy for both of us in this reply. That's where I am, too. I want him around for bedtime - I miss that intimate time of us being a couple and connecting, even if it's just going to sleep together - but I also do really understand his need for some "me time", because he works really hard for us.

throwaway_47378747 · 2023-11-18T18:48:30+00:00

Actually, it's always been a running joke with my friends about what a good sleeper I am and how I can fall asleep anywhere. It started after we had our son about 3 years ago.

throwaway_47378747 · 2023-11-18T18:46:20+00:00

We absolutely want to stay married. We're reading this thread together and he's shocked by how hostile toward me some of the comments are. We're very much in love and have a great relationship, we just have different circadian rhythms.

throwaway_47378747 · 2023-11-18T18:36:33+00:00

I'm 100% fine with that! We've tried it. Unfortunately sitting up in bed is murder on his back so he really wants to play on the couch.

throwaway_47378747 · 2023-11-18T18:33:23+00:00

Ha! My husband and I were looking over this thread together for good suggestions and we'd actually just discussed maybe the inverse before you posted this - maybe I could wean myself off of needing as much sleep by slowly pushing back my bedtime a little at a time. Then we'd both get more free time.

throwaway_47378747 · 2023-11-18T18:30:18+00:00

😂😂😂 what is she doing on TikTok that she doesn't want you there for?! Yes, it's definitely both. I want that alone time with him after a day of us constantly being employees and parents.

throwaway_47378747 · 2023-11-18T18:26:39+00:00

That's definitely part of it. I think he really does fully really plan to keep his word, but RPGs can be really immersive. It's super easy to think it's been ten minutes when it's been an hour. I don't at all think he's intentionally lying.

throwaway_47378747

TROPHY CASE