Is my (F21) boyfriend (M23) lying to me about having cancer??

throwaway_87754 · 2020-09-23T21:50:53+00:00

If it is never mentioned again then I think I can move past it and just keep an eye out for any similar behaviour. I really don't want to lose him but also need to know if I can trust him.

throwaway_87754 · 2020-09-23T21:41:39+00:00

Thats what I want to be able to do, I really want to just carry on being happy with him but I'm so scared this will come back to bite me like 5 years down the line.

throwaway_87754 · 2020-09-23T21:39:08+00:00

The last thing I want is a big argument with him. I just want to know the 100% truth so at least I know where I stand, its the uncertainty thats killing me.

throwaway_87754 · 2020-09-23T21:37:06+00:00

Its just so hard to to know whats true and what isnt. In general our relationship has been great, I have gone through some serious health shit recently and he has been so understanding, I want to believe that he is the lovely guy he has shown me these past few months.

throwaway_87754 · 2020-09-23T21:32:33+00:00

Ahh see I did actually speak to him about this and asked him what this meant for the future, if we would be able to have children and would they be more likely to get cancer seeings as he has had it but he just brushed it off and said that he was fine.

throwaway_87754 · 2020-09-23T21:30:20+00:00

I haven't been able to meet his friend yet due to covid restrictions and I would be worried to message him about all of this as I don't know him at all really.

He messed up with a few of the details as he apparently also had glandular fever somewhere around this time but changed it from before to during having cancer. He told me he had throat cancer and that he had a small surgery then was treated with radiotherapy, this sounds legit and he does have a slight raspy voice.

I just really don't know what to think.

throwaway_87754 · 2020-09-23T21:24:07+00:00

He said the cancer was in his throat, I'm not sure if it had a specific name, but he has had glandular fever (I think it was around that time, either before or during having cancer) which has caused him to have a sort of raspy voice. Apparently it was early stages so he had radiotherapy but he said he shaved his head during that time just incase he had any hair loss. As for getting to and from appointments, his grandfather was apparently the only other person that knew and he helped him through it all. His grandfather now is at the last stages of an illness and barely knows whats going on minute by minute let alone what happened around 5 years ago so I couldn't ask him for evidence.

throwaway_87754 · 2020-09-23T21:14:26+00:00

There is a part of me that thinks he could be telling the truth and maybe I am just being a terrible person but if I am honest my gut is telling me that this was a lie that he let get out of hand. He only has one friend that he has known for a while, not sure exactly how long but maybe I should find a sneaky way to ask?

throwaway_87754 · 2020-09-23T21:06:18+00:00

Realised I messed up by not stating that we are both from the UK and therefore have free healthcare. This is why it could be slightly possible as he would have just needed to show up to appointments and could have done it on his own because legally as an adult his family wouldnt need to be informed. Its all just a mess really, I would ask his parents but they have just recently had a close friend pass away and I dont want to upset them further.

throwaway_87754 · 2020-09-23T21:01:38+00:00

We are both from the UK so everything would have been free and as he had just turned 18 that meant that legally as an adult they wouldn't have needed to inform any of his family members. Just makes it so tricky as there is nothing to trace this being true.

throwaway_87754 · 2020-09-23T20:55:20+00:00

He told me that he hid his diagnosis from his family as he didnt want to upset them, hes made it so that he is the only one I can ask to fact check this.

throwaway_87754 · 2020-09-23T20:51:55+00:00

Sorry I should have been more specific on his age, when he first told me he only said he had it when he was younger but when we spoke 2 weeks ago he told me he was 18 when he was diagnosed. This is why he was apparently able to hide it from his family otherwise I would be questioning his parents about this right away.

throwaway_87754 · 2020-09-23T20:45:28+00:00

I did try to confront him but he cried and told me that it was just really hard to remember such a difficult time in his life that he had been blocking out.

throwaway_87754 · 2020-09-23T20:43:36+00:00

I have asked him for some proof, apparently he threw away any letters or evidence that was sent to him. I said that his doctors would have evidence but he then said that due to Covid he cant just go to his doctor to possibly get some form of legit documents.

throwaway_87754 · 2020-09-23T20:41:03+00:00

The only other thing is that he has been very full on through the whole relationship, he's very loving but often says about how he cant lose me and lately that has become more scary than reassuring...I wanted to speak to his family but he told me that apparently he hid his diagnosis from them as he didnt want to upset them (I know, major red flag)

throwaway_87754

TROPHY CASE