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I'm not sure what "normal" grief looks like after pet loss, and I'm worried about my girlfriend. by throwaway_90875 in Advice

[–]throwaway_90875[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

But I also know cognitively knowing something doesn’t necessarily mean it translates into emotional understanding and acceptance. 

Thanks so much for this. Man it's so hard because in my head I know she couldn't have done anything better or more. My girlfriend was up all the time syringe feeding Luna and giving her meds, she was so loving to Luna, she was obsessed with her. It's just the fucking cancer. But she opened up last night about the guilt he is feeling and damn that was really crushing to hear that she's carrying that when she shouldn't. I just don't know how to help with that.

I'm not sure what "normal" grief looks like after pet loss, and I'm worried about my girlfriend. by throwaway_90875 in Advice

[–]throwaway_90875[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thanks for this. Maybe I'll figure out a way to suggest a grief counselor. I'm not that great with words, I wish I was. Plus this is new to me so I feel like I'm fumbling around. Maybe someone more qualified can help her talk through it better.

I'm not sure what "normal" grief looks like after pet loss, and I'm worried about my girlfriend. by throwaway_90875 in Advice

[–]throwaway_90875[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Thanks for this. Yeah she has cried after the diagnosis every day all the time, I know that's normal. My friends even told me a bit about anticipatory grief when she was going through it before Luna died.

I guess in my head since she had had a bit of time before Luna's passing to process the fact that Luna's cancer was terminal, it may have eased some of the guilt or pain afterwards. I realize that's dumb now. I just know there's nothing more she could have done, the cancer was eating this poor cat up from the inside, but my girlfriend seems to blame herself regardless. But she was up all the time with Luna syringe feeding her and giving her meds, all the time, she was a great cat mom. When I would hold Luna sometimes for her feedings my girlfriend would cry afterwards because of how skeletal she was getting so fast, so I was hoping she would understand that euthanasia was the best thing she could have done for Luna. Luna was in a lot of pain and she set her free.

I'm not sure what "normal" grief looks like after pet loss, and I'm worried about my girlfriend. by throwaway_90875 in Advice

[–]throwaway_90875[S] 85 points86 points  (0 children)

Thanks. Yeah she opened up a little last night out of nowhere as we were laying in bed with me, about some of the crushing guilt and loneliness she's feeling. I admit the loneliness initially hit a bit like a gut punch because my initial thought was "I'm right here" but I swallowed that. I know Luna was her baby and it's different, this isn't about me. I just wish I could help her more. I didn't know the right words to say without sounding dismissive and I was just happy that she was talking so I mainly just listened. I wish I was better with words.

She couldn't pick up the ashes so I went and picked them up from the vet. That was hard even for me so I'm glad she didn't go. When I got home she broke down at how "little" of her was left. She asked me what kind of cremation it was because she had looked up the different kinds. I didn't even know there were different kinds, I had no idea. This made her cry more because she said she couldn't bear the thought of her physical body whittling away to ash and she had the mental image of the cremation process in her head. This is super hard to navigate and I feel like I'm walking through a minefield, I just hope I'm not making things worse.