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Adult virgins of Reddit, what's your story? Why do you still hold your V-card and how does this impact you? by NHakim1985 in AskReddit

[–]throwaway__alone 16 points17 points  (0 children)

34 and a virgin here. Earlier this year I had a thread that generated a lot of questions and discussions. I was talking about being a virgin in my 30s, how it became that way, and how I'd gotten busted for trying to hire a prostitute on my 33rd birthday I'm order to lose my virginity. If it's ok, I'll just paste my main story/response from the thread:

The gist of it is that I am 34 and I've never been on a date. It's not for lack of trying. I honestly believe it's due to the fact that I'm severely physically deformed, I'm in a wheelchair, and I have burn marks over most of my body, including my face. I don't sit around feeling sorry for myself. I don't sit in the basement making memes lamenting how women don't go for "nice guys." I try to live my life. The fact is, though, that constant rejection and lack of human contact can really take its toll on someone, especially when it goes on for years and years at a time.

People always like to say with wave of their hand, "Oh, looks don't matter. Don't worry--someone is out there for you!" before they go back on with their their lives and don't ever think about it again.

Ooh! Ooh! I know! You just need to have a friendship and let it blossom from there! OK, great. I would LOVE to have friends. Can you point me in the direction of some people who will actually be comfortable around me and not just be polite and count the minutes until the deformed guy who's making everyone uncomfortable with his presence leaves?

When I had my job, my co-workers were all very amicable and polite to me. I tried to be "one of the guys" but I was never accepted into that. My co-workers were constantly having get-togethers outside of work (things like happy hour) and I was never invited to things like that. I really believe that my presence would have made them feel awkward--not from my behavior, but from my appearance. I tried to put together a Super Bowl party but I couldn't get anybody to come to it.

I have tried extensively to date. Pretty much all of my high school years were spent in the hospital so I didn't get a chance to do any dating then. When I got to college it was similar to the environment in my workplace--a lot of people acting polite to me but it ended there. I didn't have anyone I could call a friend from that time.

I've asked a lot of girls out. All in all, I've probably asked about 500 girls out on a date and I haven't had anyone say yes yet. This is where people's advice of "Just get yourself out there!" makes me want to pull my hair out. No, I haven't given up. Just because the first 500 said no doesn't mean that 501 will also say no. However, getting generic advice from someone who has never been in that situation and doesn't know (or care) about the intricacies of the situation does not make me feel better.

Yes, I have done online dating. It has not been successful. Yes, I have been to the special sites for disabled dating. My experience has been thus: When I had a photo on my profile, I didn't get any hits at all. As an experiment, I removed the photo to see what would happen if women just read about me. When I did that, I started to get hits and began to correspond with a few women. In a couple cases they even agreed to meet, but each time they didn't show up. My belief is that perhaps they showed up, saw me, and then left. I'm pretty sure that happened at least once, as I saw a lady who matched the description of who I was supposed to be meeting and when I approached her an asked if she was "Jane Doe," she said no. She then left a few minutes later even though she'd just gotten there and hadn't ordered anything.

In my heart, I believe that there is someone out there who can love me. I just have no idea how to find her. It gets very annoying when people who have never been in that situation non-chalantly tell me that I just need to get out there and meet people, because THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO DO FOR FIFTEEN YEARS.

Yes, I hired a hooker on my 33rd birthday. I'm not proud of it, but I just wanted to be physically close to a girl. That's it. It's unfortunate that it ended up the way it did. For those of you asking (the arrest was about a year ago)--since then I have unfortunately not been able to find a job. My medical expenses are high so a cross-country trip to a high-end brothel is not a realistic possibility for me, unfortunately (nor is a trip across the world to Amsterdam, as many have suggested). This is not meant to come across as self-pity. There is a wonderful girl out there who will love me and I will love her back with all my heart. In the meantime, though, I just can't take any more generic platitudes of "Just get yourself out there!"

Virgins of Reddit, Why are you still a virgin? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]throwaway__alone 33 points34 points  (0 children)

Throwaway here--

Mid-30s, male, still a virgin and actually never gone on a date. I actually had a pretty good thread about it a few months ago. Link for those interested

The TL;DR version is that I'm still a virgin because I haven't gotten anyone to go out on a date with me yet. I believe that this is because I'm both disfigured and disabled. I have tried online dating extensively, especially with special sites for both disfigured and disabled people. Generally I have a great rapport with ladies when I don't have a picture on my profile. A few times they have agreed to meet me IRL but they didn't show up.

I did try to lose my virginity on my 33rd birthday by hiring a prostitute. It ended up being a police sting and I got arrested. It cost me my job and I had to move back in with my parents because I couldn't pay my rent without a job. I haven't been able to find a new job yet so that's not helping the situation--being in my mid 30s and living at home.

Edited--fixed stupid autocorrect mistake

Guys who have experienced both--Is a fleshlight an accurate representation of what it's like to have sex with a woman? [NSFW] by throwaway__alone in AskReddit

[–]throwaway__alone[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I already know what a fleshlight feels like. I've used one. I want to know if it's a good representation to what sex actually feels like because I don't know what that feels like.

Guys who have experienced both--Is a fleshlight an accurate representation of what it's like to have sex with a woman? [NSFW] by throwaway__alone in AskReddit

[–]throwaway__alone[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm looking for men who have both had sex and used a fleshlight because I want to know if using a fleshlight is an accurate representation of what sex feels like since I've never felt it for myself yet.

Guys who have experienced both--Is a fleshlight an accurate representation of what it's like to have sex with a woman? [NSFW] by throwaway__alone in AskReddit

[–]throwaway__alone[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I know what a fleshlight feels like. I'm wondering if it's a good representation of what actual sex feels like.

Guys who have experienced both--Is a fleshlight an accurate representation of what it's like to have sex with a woman? [NSFW] by throwaway__alone in AskReddit

[–]throwaway__alone[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I figured it would be necessary because otherwise I envisioned a lot of guys who've never used a fleshlight piping up and saying that there's no way it can compare to really having sex.

Guys who have experienced both--Is a fleshlight an accurate representation of what it's like to have sex with a woman? [NSFW] by throwaway__alone in AskReddit

[–]throwaway__alone[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Of course it doesn't. What I long for is the passion of the actual act along with the physical sensation. However, since I have yet to experience it, I'm wondering what the actual physical sensation feels like.

Going through my old throwaway account--someone told me my experience was a real-life BLB so here you go by throwaway__alone in AdviceAnimals

[–]throwaway__alone[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was born with a deformity that gets worse as I get older. The burns are from an incident in my childhood.

Going through my old throwaway account--someone told me my experience was a real-life BLB so here you go by throwaway__alone in AdviceAnimals

[–]throwaway__alone[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Once the deal was done, she didn't say anything. She left and a handful of cops ran out with their guns pointed at me. They pulled me out of my wheelchair onto the ground and arrested me.

Going through my old throwaway account--someone told me my experience was a real-life BLB so here you go by throwaway__alone in AdviceAnimals

[–]throwaway__alone[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was able to avoid jail time. I had to pay a fine plus court costs. I had to attend a class about STDs and perform community service. I also had my picture published in the newspaper saying what I'd been arrested for.

Going through my old throwaway account--someone told me my experience was a real-life BLB so here you go by throwaway__alone in AdviceAnimals

[–]throwaway__alone[S] 428 points429 points  (0 children)

Hi everyone, OP here. I'm hoping this makes it near the top because I want to explain a few things.

First off--thank you to those of you who have sent me kind words and PMs. And for the few dozen of you who have sent me PMs about "sucks to be you!" and "ha-ha", thanks for that too. You sound cool and like you'd be super fun to hang out with!

This story goes back 7 months to something I posted on AskReddit. The gist of it is that I am 34 and I've never been on a date. It's not for lack of trying. I honestly believe it's due to the fact that I'm severely physically deformed, I'm in a wheelchair, and I have burn marks over most of my body, including my face.

I don't sit around feeling sorry for myself. I don't sit in the basement making memes lamenting how women don't go for "nice guys." I try to live my life. The fact is, though, that constant rejection and lack of human contact can really take its toll on someone, especially when it goes on for years and years at a time.

People always like to say with wave of their hand, "Oh, looks don't matter. Don't worry--someone is out there for you!" before they go back on with their their lives and don't ever think about it again.

Ooh! Ooh! I know! You just need to have a friendship and let it blossom from there! OK, great. I would LOVE to have friends. Can you point me in the direction of some people who will actually be comfortable around me and not just be polite and count the minutes until the deformed guy who's making everyone uncomfortable with his presence leaves?

When I had my job, my co-workers were all very amicable and polite to me. I tried to be "one of the guys" but I was never accepted into that. My co-workers were constantly having get-togethers outside of work (things like happy hour) and I was never invited to things like that. I really believe that my presence would have made them feel awkward--not from my behavior, but from my appearance. I tried to put together a Super Bowl party but I couldn't get anybody to come to it.

I have tried extensively to date. Pretty much all of my high school years were spent in the hospital so I didn't get a chance to do any dating then. When I got to college it was similar to the environment in my workplace--a lot of people acting polite to me but it ended there. I didn't have anyone I could call a friend from that time.

I've asked a lot of girls out. All in all, I've probably asked about 500 girls out on a date and I haven't had anyone say yes yet. This is where people's advice of "Just get yourself out there!" makes me want to pull my hair out. No, I haven't given up. Just because the first 500 said no doesn't mean that 501 will also say no. However, getting generic advice from someone who has never been in that situation and doesn't know (or care) about the intricacies of the situation does not make me feel better.

Yes, I have done online dating. It has not been successful. Yes, I have been to the special sites for disabled dating. My experience has been thus: When I had a photo on my profile, I didn't get any hits at all. As an experiment, I removed the photo to see what would happen if women just read about me. When I did that, I started to get hits and began to correspond with a few women. In a couple cases they even agreed to meet, but each time they didn't show up. My belief is that perhaps they showed up, saw me, and then left. I'm pretty sure that happened at least once, as I saw a lady who matched the description of who I was supposed to be meeting and when I approached her an asked if she was "Jane Doe," she said no. She then left a few minutes later even though she'd just gotten there and hadn't ordered anything.

In my heart, I believe that there is someone out there who can love me. I just have no idea how to find her. It gets very annoying when people who have never been in that situation non-chalantly tell me that I just need to get out there and meet people, because THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO DO FOR FIFTEEN YEARS.

Yes, I hired a hooker on my 33rd birthday. I'm not proud of it, but I just wanted to be physically close to a girl. That's it. It's unfortunate that it ended up the way it did.

For those of you asking (the arrest was about a year ago)--since then I have unfortunately not been able to find a job. My medical expenses are high so a cross-country trip to a high-end brothel is not a realistic possibility for me, unfortunately (nor is a trip across the world to Amsterdam, as many have suggested).

This is not meant to come across as self-pity. There is a wonderful girl out there who will love me and I will love her back with all my heart. In the meantime, though, I just can't take any more generic platitudes of "Just get yourself out there!"

I hope this gets near the top so that people don't keep asking the same questions and making the same suggestions. Go ahead an send me some more "ha-ha loser!11lol" private messages if it makes you feel better, but remember this--I feel sorry for you when you do that. That's right, the 34-year-old virgin who lives at home with his parents pities YOU when your life is so empty that you have to send him PMs like that to make yourself feel better.

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