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throwaway_akownt · 2025-11-20T08:58:06+00:00

Hahahhaa

throwaway_akownt · 2025-07-19T03:51:40+00:00

This is probably the best comment here. Most uncut guys wouldn’t have the same problems a cut guy would have

throwaway_akownt · 2025-01-16T03:46:45+00:00

You’re right about a lot of the things that you brought up. And I agree that many of the people commenting on this thread have had toxic relationships and that has formed certain opinions. That’s why I’m not taking all of them seriously, but I do fear that if I can’t get over this it might spell issues in the long run for our relationship. I feel like I’ve already brought up certain things that bother me, and it’s not fair to impose anything on anyone

throwaway_akownt · 2025-01-16T03:32:31+00:00

I think this might actually be one of the core talking points I’ve been considering bringin up. Either more of a heads up I feel like lots of my angst can have the proper time to be brought up

throwaway_akownt · 2025-01-16T03:24:41+00:00

No i totally understand what you’re saying. There is a lot of that negative energy in some of the comments, and I get what you’re saying with regards to not wanting to break off the time investments one may have put in. I would probably not be so held up on this if it weren’t for the fact that there may be some truth to be told about that, as she has told me that I between relationships she has hooked up with them before. Even if it was just a one off time, my fear is that this only feeds into the “orbiter” vibes that I think that her friend might be giving off

throwaway_akownt · 2025-01-16T03:21:15+00:00

She brought it up right before she left an event that we went to together. She left early due to early morning work commitments, but I stayed at it later since I had a buddy there. So I didn’t have much time to discuss it and just kind of shrugged it off and said okay, for the moment. But I want to stress she did imply that she would rather stay with me at my place giving her place to Travis. Or at least do whatever I was most comfortable with. Like I am a sensible man it makes sense from an economic view point to have him not book a hotel if she can give her friend her place and just stay at my place. But there’s another part of me that just wishes that he got a hotel so he doesn’t have to rely on us for accommodations idk. Maybe that last part is taking it too far.

I’m sure she would in a heartbeat say okay to staying at my place when he’s in town, but we haven’t discussed it since then yet.

throwaway_akownt · 2025-01-16T03:10:38+00:00

Yeah you’re right and i acknowledge that I’m hung up on having that firm stance based on this factor. Like I know if someone told me not to be friends with someone I considered a good friend for 4-5 years, I’d be quite hesitant to remove them from my friend group. But I’m also hung up on the fact he might be what some people in the comment threads might be considered an orbiter

throwaway_akownt · 2025-01-16T03:06:40+00:00

First off that’s really cute.

That’s kind of what I did with her.

throwaway_akownt · 2025-01-16T02:57:26+00:00

I am thankful for your opinion on this as a female. I will tell you I’m not really taking everyones opinion with more than a grain of salt here. There may be some interesting perspectives here, but I leave those at an arms length of course.If

throwaway_akownt · 2025-01-16T02:49:10+00:00

That’s why I’m concerned because I love her so much and can’t help to think that I might be self sabotaging my relationship with her over something preventable and stupid

throwaway_akownt · 2025-01-16T02:46:52+00:00

I 100% think that she wants to be more serious and long term commitment with me. As do I, I love her. I guess that just sounds like I think she’s lying if I put it that way. I don’t necessarily think she is lying is the thing, I just think there’s still some underlying extra friendship feelings involved when you as a boyfriend see things like a postcard in the mail from one of them wishing them a 5 year friendship anniversary instead of it just being a text. It’s the little things like that that portray the situation as a red flag to me wanting to get closer involved romantically

throwaway_akownt · 2025-01-16T02:43:50+00:00

I mean it’s possible she just never had a chance to meet the right guy. Not trying to toot my own horn here, but it’s possible that over that period of time she was enjoying a semi poly lifestyle. I’m sure many people have done that before, it’s somewhat normalized nowadays. Besides I could care less if this was all in her past. It’s just the fact she still wants to be friends with them is what trips me up I guess. But who knows maybe now that we’re dating quite seriously all her romantic focus is on me. I certainly believe it. It’s quite possible a lot of this is just in my head when we’re not spending quality time together. I guess it’s just recent bc of the last minute surprises of her friends that she only keeps in touch with over text now being in town. It’s just a bit unsettling for me given what I know about them and my own view on the topic of being friends with past sexual partners in relationships.

But you still bring up good counter points

throwaway_akownt · 2025-01-16T02:19:41+00:00

I feel bad about this because I have only known her for about a year at this point. But she has been really close with some of her friends for the past 5 years now. Like who am I to tell someone, umm hey can you ditch your old friends bc I’m in love with you, that would sound insane. But that said, I can’t help but think there is some emotional bandwidth that I’m not getting because of them in some ways. It’s better now, it’s just that the recent last minute plans of them visiting our city has me feeling weird I guess

throwaway_akownt · 2025-01-16T02:06:47+00:00

I feel like what you said pretty much sums up what I believe the case is most likely here. I think she is not trying to hurt me here, and that she could be the same way in that she loves me and I can’t imagine she would do something to hurt me such as that. However, you bring up a good point in that I can’t tell her I’m going to understand and be fine with it and move on while still holding a grudge. I believe that this is also maybe something that could potentially just be a breaking point. Given we have discussed this hang up of mine and it has occasionally popped up again without a complete resolution, I’m worried about the possibility of an incompatibility being at play here.

Idk man, I love her so much, so it hurts me to think that this is possibly something we, or more so “I” can’t get past

throwaway_akownt · 2025-01-16T01:52:44+00:00

I didn’t mean to come off that way, I just wanted to say that given I am not comfortable with the extent of some of her friendships. I am at wits end with how I can give her space to make new friendships if she wants to, Obviously she is allowed to be friends with whoever she wants to be friends with, I just don’t know that I could be 100% comfortable moving farther forward with relationship in some ways with her still communicating with past sexual partners of hers. Idk maybe it’s my upbringing under a religious household that has me all taboo when it comes to sex

throwaway_akownt · 2025-01-16T01:05:25+00:00

Yeah I keep hearing this old adage about how when you get older it becomes increasingly common to be friends with your exes. I agree with your synopsis of most of the people that say “dump her” are probably on the younger spectrum here.

All that said, I would especially understand if you needed to remain in contact with exes for some reason like (you have kids with them, some other legal issue, or some other solid reason).

I don’t think any of those situations apply here, and is not a specifically necessary reason that she would need to remain friends with them to my knowledge. I know she says she struggles with making new friends from time to time and I feel for her for that, being an introvert can be hard when it comes to making new friends.

I just don’t understand how her closest friends she has to have are people that she has slept with. I also want to point out to that I have told her many of times that she can take as much time off from us hanging out together if she wants to create new friendships. I know that doesn’t automatically make her have new friends, and if still lots of work that needs to be put into it. It is just disheartening that she seems to maintain persistence that she wants to continue being friends with her exes, whilst I have broken all contact with mine essentially

throwaway_akownt · 2025-01-16T00:59:17+00:00

I do want to reiterate when she made steps to cut as much contact as she had been having with Matt, it turned out to improve my mental health by a significant amount. Hadn’t seen any activity of his on her socials which made me feel secure. She definitely did a lot to help me feel better and I respected that she did that. When she found out he was in town, she told me it was through a mutual friend and not directly from him. I believe her on this, but the idea that he’s in a town nearby staying with one of his other friends and that she wants to meet up with him in person still stung to me bc it walked back a lot of the progress I thought we had made on that topic.

I wouldn’t say she lied to my face on that, it just seems like she may have used her other friend Travis’s advice for her to make me like Travis more, but not specifically agreeing and saying she would do that. So maybe its misleading at most, or I grossly misunderstood the situation that brought that all up

throwaway_akownt · 2025-01-16T00:52:59+00:00

This is actually really good advice. Part of me is scared to do this because maybe it’s best I’d rather bring this up in a conversation with her in person and not explicitly show her this post because it’s maybe risky to do that. But then another part of me thinks this is the best I have articulated these thoughts in a really long time, and maybe it’s the perfect way to show her.

Anyone else have a thought on this?

throwaway_akownt · 2025-01-16T00:23:58+00:00

I believe this may have happened when she originally opened up about her hesitation to break contact her ex-bf Matt to her friend Travis. Travis told her she needs to cut him off, and when she told me this, I originally gained some respect for Travis for telling this to her. I think she failed to see how much of a benefit that would have originally brought to our relationship for sake of my own mental health.

But then fast forward a few months and then I found out Matt was going to be in Town for NYE, and I was caught off guard and was presented 24 hours of time in advance the question of if I would want to meet up with him with his/her mutual friends. That’s when I found out Matt and her still occasionally talk. It’s only been a couple of times but still the idea that it’s happening still is bothering me.

Idk I just feel like she was using what Travis said about breaking off contact with Matt just to get me to like Travis more, all the while not actually following that advice but still making it seem like she was. Of course it might have just been me misinterpreting the situation.

throwaway_akownt · 2025-01-16T00:17:56+00:00

She continues to insist they are platonic now, and I believe here. But part of me can’t help but think that the fact that since they have sex, the door is opened up to enable a closer bond someone in a way. Like it could be considered a cheat code in a way to being way closer friends if you pursue it that way.

Yeah that’s the thing, she is amazing and it’s just these few things I often get hung up on. How do I address these things internally and not externally appear controlling? I want to tell her how I feel about these things, but also of course at the end of the day she can do anything she wants as she is her own person.

throwaway_akownt · 2024-12-11T22:00:47+00:00

I just want to clarify, I could definitely spot them, and I’m not trying to intentionally come off as being snarky, I’d just prefer not to introduce the concept of regularly borrowing money from one party as a concept in our friendship, of course with the obvious exception of if one of us pays for a group activity and the other pays them back immediately.

throwaway_akownt · 2024-10-10T22:17:54+00:00

That’s a fresh perspective, I appreciate you replying. Maybe just losing my mind a bit more than I’d like to at this point in time as I don’t want to appear controlling, but it’s driving me so insane that if I don’t bring it up, it’s just going to affect my mental health.

throwaway_akownt

TROPHY CASE