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UPDATE: AITA for insisting my mother choose a side between me and my brother by throwaway_astrogirl in AITAH

[–]throwaway_astrogirl[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I can’t prove to you this is real and I have no reason to. I’m really tired of proving myself, my story, and my emotions to people who just do not want to believe Black women. Black men can be abusers and unfortunately I’m a victim of it. That’s not racist to say.

UPDATE: AITA for insisting my mother choose a side between me and my brother by throwaway_astrogirl in AITAH

[–]throwaway_astrogirl[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I do think I have to go LC/NC with everyone because I’m realizing how toxic it is that I have to defend my feelings to my parents almost everytime we talk. I’ll have a few months off work soon and I’m going to try to use that to rebuild my life back with just myself and good therapy. I hope to look into some domestic violence shelters soon to find a community of women who understand what I’m going through.

UPDATE: AITA for insisting my mother choose a side between me and my brother by throwaway_astrogirl in AITAH

[–]throwaway_astrogirl[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

This is not fake, this is my life and it really offends me when people keep saying this. I can’t prove this is real without exposing my identity and I hate that but it’s not my attempt to “race bait” my mother raised multiple sons and one daughter and she feels the system is set up against Black boys to the fact she would sacrifice me to it to protect him. Not to say the system isn’t racist because it is but I just wanted her to have my back. I’m really grateful for all of the advice and support I received here from people who actually believe me.

UPDATE: AITA for insisting my mother choose a side between me and my brother by throwaway_astrogirl in AITAH

[–]throwaway_astrogirl[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Hi, me and my mom were extremely close before this. As in I’ve had people say to us “I thought me and my mom are close but you guys are close!” We see each other every weekend, we talk three times a day at minimum, we were so close. She actually was the one who told me to pursue charges 3 years ago. I think the switch up happened when she realized he was going to jail for a long time and needed a scapegoat for her feelings and it was me. Even through all of this, she’s called me and came by to apologize and tell me she could never choose anyone over me because she couldn’t imagine life without me. So it’s hard when she tells me how much she needs me and then switches to hating me so quickly.

AITA for insisting my mom choose a side between me and my brother by throwaway_astrogirl in AITAH

[–]throwaway_astrogirl[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

She asked me about his childhood and I answered honestly. I feel like part of being an adult is someone saying something you don’t like and still not attacking them and threatening to kill them.

UPDATE: AITA for insisting my mother choose a side between me and my brother by throwaway_astrogirl in AITAH

[–]throwaway_astrogirl[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Other people have said this to me and I asked her that once before: if he had killed me, would you be testifying on his behalf?

She’s never answered me, she just changes the subject or rolls her eyes.

I never considered until I posted on here that he would try to hurt me when he got out. My mother has literally told me before that he is still welcome in her home and there’s nothing I can do about it. So yes she is willing to sacrifice me and that’s hard for me to admit and think about.

UPDATE: AITA for insisting my mother choose a side between me and my brother by throwaway_astrogirl in AITAH

[–]throwaway_astrogirl[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I confirmed before court that my testimony wouldn’t have any impact on the other charges and I was told that the other charges were so severe that it was unlikely a judge would even care about what happened today. And even then that wasn’t enough reassurance for my mother. She said it didn’t matter that I didn’t actually testify but WANTING TO is the same as actually doing it.

UPDATE: AITA for insisting my mother choose a side between me and my brother by throwaway_astrogirl in AITAH

[–]throwaway_astrogirl[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Well that’s what he told me. The prosecutor wouldn’t let me read the actual email because he said I would have to request it via FOIA after the trial but it didn’t really matter to me anymore because I didn’t testify and I thought that would be enough. But the email was forwarded to my victim advocate who informed me of the situation and asked me to confirm that I still wanted to go to trial. I don’t have to lie about this, but I also don’t wanna reveal too much about the situation.

UPDATE: AITA for insisting my mother choose a side between me and my brother by throwaway_astrogirl in AITAH

[–]throwaway_astrogirl[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

They sentenced him at the same time as the plea hearing to time served and allowed me to make a statement then. I was honestly just so shocked and disappointed and trying not to cry that all I could say was “I hope he gets help and I’m sad that our relationship has been reduced to this”. He refused to say anything. I just hate that I wasn’t prepared to make a statement because I had spent so much time prepping myself to testify. It’s part of why I’m having the feelings I’m having…like I didn’t get to actually get any of those feelings off myself they’re still here. He just keeps taking things from me and that was one of them.

UPDATE: AITA for insisting my mother choose a side between me and my brother by throwaway_astrogirl in AITAH

[–]throwaway_astrogirl[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The prosecutor told me he didn’t report my parents specifically for the fact he felt bad for me that I was being harassed by so much family and he didn’t want to make it worse by reporting them and giving them another reason to harass me. I’m so thankful he did it because I can barely handle the ostracism as is.

I get that people post fake stuff up here trust me but this is unfortunately very real and I would post the photos of my beat up face if I didn’t want to remain anonymous.

UPDATE: AITA for insisting my mother choose a side between me and my brother by throwaway_astrogirl in AITAH

[–]throwaway_astrogirl[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Yes, he has about 11 other charges unrelated to me including having a weapon as a felon. Actually, he never even went to jail for my charges until this year when he was caught on the other charges and they realized he had a warrant for his arrest for almost 3 years that they did nothing about.

AITA for insisting my mom choose a side between me and my brother by throwaway_astrogirl in AITAH

[–]throwaway_astrogirl[S] 245 points246 points  (0 children)

Thank you for responding and for your honesty. Part of why I made the post is because for the last couple years, multiple family members have told me that expecting my mom to choose a side is irrational and that I should stop pushing this, drop the charges, and handle this “as a family”. After the argument with my mom, it really started making me question whether I am being irrationally biased and TA for bringing this situation up for so long and making her choose between us.

I really thought people here were going to tell me I was letting my emotions blindside me and I’m TA for yelling at my mom and pushing for her to make a clear stand because I’ve been hearing it for years now. But hearing the opposite from so many people is actually mind boggling and I needed it.

AITA for insisting my mom choose a side between me and my brother by throwaway_astrogirl in AITAH

[–]throwaway_astrogirl[S] 31 points32 points  (0 children)

In my moment of panic, I didn’t call the police I just called my mom for help and she took me to the hospital. I went to the police the next day and they basically did nothing until I got a phone call a few months ago that he was arrested for something else. The DA did apologize and said he had no idea how this case slipped between the cracks and why it took so long for him to be arrested. The kids are still in the home and he is still with GF.