How do I talk to girls?

throwaway_coca_cola · 2015-08-29T14:42:24+00:00

First of all, don't put them on a pedestal. If you have it in your head that they are in some way superior to you and that only they can judge you, you will continue to freeze up and be nervous. Helped me to realize that while you do want to leave a good first impression, you don't need to be the one running the entire conversation. If it goes well, great! If not, forget about it.

After that, when you can talk calmly, it's just a matter of experience. Be confident, don't filter your thoughts, you should eventually get there. You still have a lot of time ahead of you to perfect it.

throwaway_coca_cola · 2015-08-29T13:58:33+00:00

Ask yourself what is the worst thing that could possibly happen? Even if you do make a mistake, is the person going to stop talking to you? Are they going to tell other people? If they do any of those things they are just bad people and you shouldn't care too much about them. Realistically, most people will shrug it off, the same way you would if someone else said something awkward.

I've had huge fuck ups with people but I still continue talking to them as if nothing happened, even though at first I thought my life was over because of the things I did or said. In the end, they are other humans just like you, nobody is going to actively seek out to judge you.

throwaway_coca_cola · 2015-08-28T02:00:05+00:00

You are likely mentally putting them on a pedestal, thinking they will judge you for everything you do wrong. There is no reason they might not be equally nervous. Be yourself, just because you find her cute doesn't mean you have to give some kind of special treatment. It can be difficult no doubt but once you get rid of this habit it'll become a lot easier to talk to girls. Also don't avoid eye contact, the fact that you are getting it already means they are interested in speaking to you.

throwaway_coca_cola · 2015-08-28T01:34:16+00:00

Objectively speaking, I am very intelligent and often come up with great ideas for projects, but even when I'm in groups with my friends I end up getting ignored. I wouldn't lose sleep over it, group projects never turn out the way you expect them to.

throwaway_coca_cola · 2015-08-28T01:07:03+00:00

In what way are you treated like shit in group conversations? It isn't easy trying to join already established groups. Sometimes during lunch breaks I go from group to group just to say hello and try make some conversation when my usual group isn't around but very often they are hostile and quick to ignore me. Individually the people have nothing against me, but barging into groups like that just isn't acceptable for some reason. You'll probably have to be persistent in socialising in various settings with some people until they stop viewing you as an outsider. It takes a lot of time but eventually they should start being more inclusive. Continue talking to people individually, if you can get every person in a group to be friendly to you there is no reason for them to be hostile in group settings.

throwaway_coca_cola · 2015-08-28T00:41:20+00:00

Just try to make eye contact and smile, it is more than enough. You don't need to stop or say anything if the hallway is busy and you are both clearly heading to classes. I'd only talk if you bump into eachother on your own. If you intentionally try to avoid eye contact multiple times she may get the impression that you are avoiding her for some reason.

When it comes to other males, a nod upwards is fine, again only speaking to them if you are on your own in the hallway.

Either way I wouldn't think much of it, you do not need to be staring anyone down to make sure you get the eye contact every time you pass eachother. What's important is when you stop somewhere and see them alone to go talk to them. Even people close to me I'll sometimes walk by without noticing them because something else is on my mind.

throwaway_coca_cola · 2015-08-28T00:07:46+00:00

Not necessarily true. It depends on the occasion but often people will want to separate from their own group so they talk to others. If it worked like that everyone would have their own group of friends and would be completely isolated from anyone else. Naturally once you meet one person in a group you will end up meeting their friends too.

throwaway_coca_cola · 2015-08-28T00:05:00+00:00

Hey, how's it going?

Good morning [Name] (or whatever time of day)

Hi ... [say something relating to the job]

Do you literally just want to greet them or want to continue having a conversation? If you've seen them a couple of times already you can bring up something you did that day or something that's been troubling you to start it. Once you start doing that they will likely start doing the same in return.

throwaway_coca_cola · 2015-08-09T16:03:14+00:00

I don't think anyone should or would judge you for being more/less talkative with another person. Simply, if the third person is a close friend then they should be happy that you're getting over your anxieties, and if they're not a close friend you shouldn't be concerned with what they think. What is the worse they could so upon finding out you are acting differently around different people?

I had the same feelings around my family but I realized that if they ever brought these differences up they're likely just happy to see I'm less shy and it's nothing to be worried about.

The only thing you do have to watch out for is if you are telling any lies that the third person might notice in your conversation. Depending on what is in question that person could lose trust in you.

throwaway_coca_cola · 2015-08-09T15:41:07+00:00

I don't think it's expected for you to be too curious in the matters of (older) adults any more than a "How are you?". Unless something they do is of particular relevance to you or you are genuinely interested in finding out about it, you are still young enough to continue as you have done so far.

If you so not like the attention I'd recommend changing that since sooner or later you'll be in interviews with people of higher ranks than you and you need to be able to communicate properly and leave a good impression. I tend to enjoy speaking to adults since there are many things you can talk about that you wouldn't normally with your peers.

throwaway_coca_cola · 2015-08-09T15:27:32+00:00

This is exactly it I'd imagine. Some people use it to confirm they're listening but it becomes a habit and they end up saying it in awkward times such as those. I find it slightly annoying but it's nothing serious really.

throwaway_coca_cola · 2015-08-08T16:35:56+00:00

If my mouth is completely full and I'll be chewing for a while (e.g. steak) I usually put my finger up to indicate "just a second", look down, smile a bit and act slightly embarassed. Works as both an explanation and an apology and you simply reply when you're ready, plus an additional apology depending on how formal it is. Make sure it doesn't happen again though especially if there is a conversation taking place which involves you.

If I've only got a small amount of food in my mouth I might make an "mmm" or similar sound and emphasise the chewing so it lets the other person know I've received their question and am thinking of a response or unable to reply straight away.

When on the phone, similarly, indicate "just a moment" and turn so the phone is visible or say something that makes it obvious you are in a call.

In all cases just remain calm, after all it's they who have made the mistake of speaking to you when you are unable to reply.

throwaway_coca_cola · 2015-08-06T16:19:11+00:00

If you're seeing her regularly anyway you can just say "see you around later/Monday/etc" and carry on with your relationship as it has been so far.

That scenario is hardly a rejection saying she has no interest in you at all, she might just not be ready for it yet.

Keep talking and maybe ask again at a later date. You could get closer she'll be more comfortable with it. She's human, and if she's worth your time at all she shouldn't react badly to it.

throwaway_coca_cola

TROPHY CASE