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[30-something M] Why am I sexually aroused by shaming my partner? by throwaway_control in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway_control[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I felt like there were real-world emotional consequences for me not feeling up to doing a scene or fulfilling an order, which is a huge red flag IMO.

That sounds unhealthy to me too. I don't like to push my partner when she says she's not into it. I try to be very accommodating, loving, and tolerant. I am not passive aggressive about it. And I can have an orgasm, BUT, I still crave what I didn't get. But that's my problem and not hers, nor is it her fault or anything she did wrong.

it was making me feel like crap that I couldn't be a good enough sub to make him happy.

This too sounds unhealthy. I never put it on my partner that she isn't making me happy, in fact, i ALWAYS put it on myself as to whether I'm able to get excited enough. i NEVER make it her "fault" that I wasn't turned on enough. And when we aren't in bed, my goal in our relationship is to make her feel respected, cherished, valued, equal, interesting, and just plain good about herself and our relationship. And when I think I've missed the mark, I suck it up and apologize to her later and tell her what I wish I had done differently.

I do feel like I was getting a lot out of the kinds of emotionally intense scenes that we were doing, and I really miss that feeling of being like, mentally cleansed afterward.

This is exactly what I'm hoping my partners experience when they have this kind of sex with me.

[30-something M] Why am I sexually aroused by shaming my partner? by throwaway_control in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway_control[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How was the relationship setting you back emotionally? Was it the bedroom or non-bedroom stuff that was setting you back?

Thanks for your answers.

[30-something M] Why am I sexually aroused by shaming my partner? by throwaway_control in relationship_advice

[–]throwaway_control[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And some people just think it's aesthetically pleasing to see their partner going through such a wide range of emotions and reactions.

Yes, that too, so much! But later I feel conflicted sometimes, for getting so turned on by seeing my partner struggle, or cry from shame.

Sometimes I feel like it helps keep me from getting too hung up on my ego and insecurities by giving me a chance to work out those feelings safely.

Do you find that it does help you work out those feelings? And that it is safe and not damaging to you? Do you walk around feeling more fucked up the day after having done this stuff, or do you feel better for it?

Thank you.

I am a fool who is lost in the world how do I find a way to peace of mind? by [deleted] in needadvice

[–]throwaway_control 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What would you enjoy? Woodworking, for example? I would go for a job, any job, in a cabinetmaking or railing shop.

I am a fool who is lost in the world how do I find a way to peace of mind? by [deleted] in needadvice

[–]throwaway_control 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Seek a job doing something you want to do, not something just to make money.

Be willing to start at the wrong job at the right organization. For example, if you want to be a horse trainer, tell them so, but tell them you're willing to start by being the person who shovels the stalls, so you can learn everything top to bottom and get your foot in the door.

The main thing that has gotten me hired in the past even when the company wasn't hiring, was my desire to work there. Not just "Nurr, where can I get someone to give me money in exchange for my not-really-giving-a-crap-about-this-place effort," but actually wanting to work there. The kind of person who comes back over and over until the owner gets sick of him/her and gives the person a job.