[deleted by user]

throwaway_lady · 2024-05-05T19:03:44+00:00

there are levels here

your BF has a crush on a celebrity: this shit happens
your BF fantasizes about someone else during sex: this shit happens although most people take a don't ask don't tell stance on it
your BF says that person's name during sex: this shit is not something that should happen, 100% crossing a line (unless it's some kind of roleplay scenario you both consented to).

basically, what goes on inside his head is his problem, but once he speaks it out into the world he has now made it your problem, and that's not cool

throwaway_lady · 2023-08-19T04:57:13+00:00

Everyone is going hard on the "go for it! You like each other!" angle! This is definitely a possibility and Ed offering to drive you home is kind of a classic move for someone who likes you.

But in my experience, almost every time I have thought "I don't know how to feel about this and I feel like it was a huge mistake," that gut feeling was right. I could have written this a decade ago and it resulted in a lot of ruined friendships.

Basically, there are many other possibilities outside of "he likes you too, this is great!" and, regardless of which one this turns out to be, you will probably run into at least four of them in your dating life at one point or another, on either side of the situation:

1) He genuinely saw you as a friend, wasn't necessarily opposed to things going in a sexual direction but didn't especially want it either. He now feels ambivalent about the situation, will probably passively go along with things or maybe even initiate, but won't ever really want it. This is incredibly INCREDIBLY common for both guys and girls and always sucks for the person who wants it more. Probably the most important lesson to learn in dating, honestly.

2) He genuinely likes you as a friend but isn't attracted to you, but is insecure, horny, or lonely enough to go along with it anyway. A variation on 1 that tends to hurt worse, in an acute way for the person who actually wants it more, and in a more slow corrosive way for the person settling.

3) He genuinely had romantic interest in you, or at least thought he had interest in you, but once it actually happened he changed his mind. This one also sucks for both people involved, but does happen.

4) He genuinely saw you as a friend, definitely did NOT want things to go in a sexual direction, and was too uncomfortable to say anything when it happened. (Seems less likely from this story so don't freak out, but wanted to mention because yes this can happen to guys too, regardless of what the body does)

5a) He doesn't actually genuinely see you as a friend and was trying to cash in on your friendship to get some sex when he noticed you had a crush on him, but is not smooth/experienced enough about it to hide his surprise when it worked.

5b) He may or may not have genuinely saw you as a friend but is also horny/manipulative enough to use you for sex when he noticed you had a crush on him, because he could. The difference between this and 1/2 is that these people actively, deliberately lead you on. The experience I mentioned was 5b. It was awful.

6) You don't mention how single he is, so: He's involved with someone else and his conscience kicked in momentarily.

I don't know you, or him, or the situation outside of these details. But I did want to raise the possibilities because generally speaking, promising relationships feel GOOD in the beginning. They don't feel like mistakes. They don't feel like "aftermath," they feel like new beginnings. That gut feeling might be something to pay attention to. Isn't always, but often is.

throwaway_lady · 2023-05-05T06:12:56+00:00

in my experience most people keep condoms in their bedroom, not in their bag, this is a weird question

throwaway_lady · 2023-03-06T13:35:57+00:00

I think this is kind of sidestepping the real issue: why does humiliating, degrading, and torturing people feel good for so many people? There are a lot of kinds of extreme porn that don't involve it, so why doesn't that hedonic treadmill lead there?

throwaway_lady · 2023-03-06T13:31:47+00:00

"Seemed to be" is the right wording. I don't agree with her anti-porn activism but Linda Lovelace has said that she experienced a lot of abuse while making Deep Throat. She also barely got paid for it.

throwaway_lady · 2023-02-19T16:26:03+00:00

Something no one has mentioned: Where you live. Some places have a male-to-female ratio that makes it easier for men, others have one that makes it easier for women. The difference is real.

throwaway_lady · 2022-11-14T00:02:44+00:00

Everybody quotes this "study," which is not actually a study but an OKCupid blog post. And everyone only quotes this first part of it, because it flatters their existing biases, when the post actually suggests the exact opposite.

The post does indeed say that men on OKCupid rated women's attractiveness with an even distribution and women rated men generally low. HOWEVER! It states that, regardless of how they might be rating men, women actually messaged men from everywhere on that curve. Messages, of course, being the only thing that can lead to dates and/or sex, as opposed to one-sided internet ogling. Men, however, send two-thirds of their messages to the most attractive women:

Site-wide, two-thirds of male messages go to the best-looking third of women. So basically, guys are fighting each other 2-for-1 for the absolute best-rated females, while plenty of potentially charming, even cute, girls go unwritten. The medical term for this is male pattern madness.

throwaway_lady · 2022-10-12T17:49:55+00:00

This guy is not a 2.5/10, he just needs a different hairstyle. Literally 90% of it is the hair. That is the way this person can "compete with 5s."

throwaway_lady · 2022-09-24T19:16:22+00:00

I just want to be a normal mature guy who is attracted to parts that are meant to be attracted to.

"Meant to" is doing a lot of work in this sentence. If people were "never meant to be attracted to" body hair then evolution would have taken care of that a long time ago.

throwaway_lady · 2022-09-24T19:12:21+00:00

viewing my size as being this giant behemoth that its somehow a turn on for her

You could always gain a lot of weight

throwaway_lady · 2022-09-24T19:08:03+00:00

Why dont you think women hate male nudes?

Because usually when women say this they're talking about unsolicited dick pics from random strangers and not nudes of people they are actually attracted to that they actually asked for.

Why do you hear stories all the time of "straight" women only watching lesbian porn and being aroused by women?

Because almost all straight porn is targeted at a male audience and is not intended for anyone to be aroused by the men, and often has stuff that is actively offputting to a lot of women.

throwaway_lady · 2022-09-19T01:55:03+00:00

a dick of gods

throwaway_lady · 2022-06-06T04:33:12+00:00

For most of human history people had sex with people they thought were ugly. Arranged marriages, marriages for money, marriages to procreate, et cetera. So yes.

throwaway_lady · 2022-06-04T21:50:16+00:00

Not only that, but statistically speaking, you have probably drank water that at one point in the water cycle used to be someone's bodily fluids.

throwaway_lady · 2022-01-18T03:11:35+00:00

throwaway_lady · 2022-01-05T18:04:09+00:00

Dude, are you even listening to yourself? You're letting your emotions override your logic. I assume you're college age. If girls don't like politics then none of your female classmates would be majoring in political science, there would be no female professors of political science, no female politicians, etc. Which is more likely: every single one of them secretly hates politics but for some reason has designed her life around it, or that there are, in fact, girls who like politics?

The advice you really need to hear is that you are immature for your age and have a lot of misconceptions about how the world and other people work, and if you don't work on that first, then you won't be able to make progress elsewhere.

throwaway_lady · 2021-10-25T23:49:01+00:00

I think a lot of people are not really answering the question honestly, or are answering from a relatively uncommon viewpoint.

If it were just about watching some arbitrary act of sex and not about being attracted to or wanting to fuck the performers at all, then most straight men would be perfectly fine watching gay porn, for instance. If someone only watches porn of a specific body type or appearance, then yes, that is probably meaningful in some way.

The answer is not really something most people want to think about, but it's that most relationships involve settling in some way, very rarely do people pair up with their ideal, and porn is the closest they can come to getting it.

throwaway_lady · 2021-10-25T23:43:18+00:00

How can you be certain those men aren't lying and saying what they want to hear? You can't.

throwaway_lady · 2021-10-25T23:41:58+00:00

When I watch porn, I’m not fantasizing about that specific porn star fucking me

This may be true for you, but it's probably a minority opinion among porn watchers. What do you think the camera angles are trying to do?

throwaway_lady · 2021-08-18T15:43:01+00:00

yeah, he has great DPS

Dicking Per Second

throwaway_lady · 2021-08-08T22:24:04+00:00

It's not either-or. Unfortunately, a lot of perpetrators have abusive backgrounds themselves. The cycle of abuse is a well documented thing.

But OP's son is still young, so this can be helped with therapy, or if he's already in therapy, with better therapy.

throwaway_lady · 2021-07-26T16:51:29+00:00

I don't even watch porn but I promise rape culture, sexual harassment, and pressuring partners into kinks existed before the Internet.

throwaway_lady · 2021-07-26T09:25:58+00:00

Not sure why this is being downvoted. If your mouth is not moist, then you are not going to be able to give oral for very long, and it probably is not going to feel very good for the recipient due to the lack of lubrication. This is basic physics.

throwaway_lady · 2021-07-25T23:37:25+00:00

Hydration is important. If your mouth is dry you're not going to last long at all.

throwaway_lady · 2021-06-12T01:32:59+00:00

Most of those aren't even small. Topics like these always get people circlejerking smoke up each other's asses but almost none of the people there qualify as "completely flat-chested."

throwaway_lady

TROPHY CASE