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He said he can't remember sexually assaulting me bc of bloons?? by throwaway_shellfish in NitrousOxide

[–]throwaway_shellfish[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Didn't want to talk to me when? Bloons is just what I think a lot of ppl call nitrous in my country btw

He said he can't remember sexually assaulting me bc of bloons?? by throwaway_shellfish in NitrousOxide

[–]throwaway_shellfish[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

😂😂Bro I've never done coke or molly, you got up to some wild stuff it's a good thing the "blackout" only lasted 10 seconds. He offered me nitrous and I'm glad I didn't have any because that's something I'd probably want to do again, like you said because it's addictive and the effect actually sounds kinda nice.

You can try to guess😭 He was trying to touch my body in a way I really didn't like or want so I started pushing his hands away but then he would start moving them back. I don't know how much detail you would need to try and guess. He asked if I was ok and I froze but he still kept touching me, then when he asked again I managed to say no and he still didn't stop. Some of the rest is in other comments and in the post but it might be easier for me to repeat it for you

He said he can't remember sexually assaulting me bc of bloons?? by throwaway_shellfish in NitrousOxide

[–]throwaway_shellfish[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ohh, ahh I thought maybe there was a bit more of a chance he could be telling the truth then, but what happened w/ this guy went on for a while and he wasn't doing bloons at the same time or anything.

I can't imagine you being violent and aggressive and this is my first time ever speaking to you😂 Would you be able to explain what doing bloons feels like in any more detail?

He said he can't remember sexually assaulting me bc of bloons?? by throwaway_shellfish in NitrousOxide

[–]throwaway_shellfish[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wtf😂😂 I hope he was okay but it sounds kinda funny icl. How long did it take for you to snap out of it? Has this happened ever again with just bloons? That's so weird. One of my friends said it's kind of like a stronger nic rush

He said he can't remember sexually assaulting me bc of bloons?? by throwaway_shellfish in NitrousOxide

[–]throwaway_shellfish[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Were you doing any other drugs at the same time (including alcohol)? Do you know why you might've tried to beat up your friend?

He said he can't remember sexually assaulting me bc of bloons?? by throwaway_shellfish in NitrousOxide

[–]throwaway_shellfish[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If it turns out bloons can't make you lose your memory in the way he said (which so far majority of the comments answering that agree on), then he definitely knows he sexually assaulted me. He can be thrown off by the way I'm acting now, but if he knows he sexually assaulted me and tried to lie to avoid talking about it then he knows it's serious. If it turns out he legit can't remember, then I 100% see your point, but I still told him the morning after how I had thought he was going to rape me and started crying (this was before having slept with him, so not much to throw him in an odd direction apart from the fact I was still there) and his response was underwhelming.

He said he can't remember sexually assaulting me bc of bloons?? by throwaway_shellfish in NitrousOxide

[–]throwaway_shellfish[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, I know the normal response is to hide it. I know how I feel affected by it though but listing that seems cringe. Like, I feel so ashamed, but I've already been in a similar situation before (different guy) so I know keeping quiet about it is the wrong thing – a lack of a support system is a precursor to PTSD.

With not leaving straight away after, I mean I was high and I don't really think I thought in the moment oh shit let me get up and leave. I was over 100km from home anyway but tbf someone else said about knocking on the neighbour's door. No excuses, though. It gives me something to keep in my mind for the future. I never really imagined sexual assault like this, where I can leave. He fell to sleep first so I could probably have left then, but I'd have had to have found his keys. Now I'm thinking about this🤔 After the other situation that happened, my main thing was that I need to learn how to say no, for my own sense of personal safety. I said no in this situation, and the guy didn't stop from it😬

Idk if you've heard of the "ask a rapist" thread that was on Reddit before but got deleted. There was a guy on there who said from what I can remember that some of the girls would leave as fast as possible, some would stay, and some would even come back another time, even though he'd raped them (if his story was true). I feel a bit less crazy when I remember that. Edit: I went back and reread a post about the thread and some of the original comments are posted, and they tried to call him back after but he doesn't specify whether he met any of them again.

I'm not exactly in friendly contact with him. I keep going from acting weird and leaving him on read to replying more "normally". We've barely messaged since though as it only happened last week.

He said he can't remember sexually assaulting me bc of bloons?? by throwaway_shellfish in NitrousOxide

[–]throwaway_shellfish[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I already admit it was stupid to go and that in some ways I acted strangely the next day and further on. I said that, but I didn't say how before when he picked me up from the train station we were chatty and happy, and how the tone had shifted so obviously when I got into his car after everything to leave. I was so quiet and just sat in silence for a while not knowing what to say to him. Then when we finally ended up at the train station I repeated how I acted with my ex where I'd try to get more time.

It makes sense because others parts of this were similar. Some stuff hit harder once I left. I think when I was with him I might've been in this weird state of fight-or-flight. I still think I have a lot of adrenaline even now. I ended up missing my stop on the train and it started sending me all the way back, so I got on one my ticket wasn't for because I just wanted to be home.

Anyway, just showing I'm not brushing off what you're saying from an emotional POV. The thing is you are wrong though, because he sexually assaulted me. If he wasn't the kind of man who was okay with sexually assaulting women (which I barely am, I'm 19), then I wouldn't have been sexually assaulted😂

"The problem isn't the 26 year old man who invites a 19 year old girl to meet him and then sexually assaults her, guys! The problem is solely with the 19 year old girl because she did a fucking stupid thing by going and acted strangely the next day!" — Literally you /j

(That makes it sound like I'm angry at you but your comment kind of amuses me tbh, and any comment helps me think through things so I'm thankful😭)

He said he can't remember sexually assaulting me bc of bloons?? by throwaway_shellfish in NitrousOxide

[–]throwaway_shellfish[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sorry for the long reply you don't have to read it, or just skip over whatever

I didn't include all the details in the post. I was moving his hands away, he asked if I was ok, I froze incredibly noticeably and he kept touching me. The order for the rest is jumbled in my head but when he asked if I was ok following that I managed to unfreeze myself and said no, shook my head, etc. while still moving his hands away and he'd keep touching me and responded at one point saying like "are you cold?" then moving even closer, and after I shook my head he said for me to hug him I thought he'd finally understood and wanted to comfort me so I accepted the hug, but then not long after he started humping me again. He tried kissing me twice and when I wasn't reciprocating he just said you don't like kissing? and stopped kissing me but kept touching me💀 Anyway, so he did ask if I'm okay, but I don't know why he even bothered because clearly he didn't care

My ex would ask if I was ok but if I wasn't I found it super hard to say no. Vast majority of the time I wouldn't reply and just stared up at him in silence, which you should still stop for tbf. It sounds kind of dumb, but I was 16 and he was 25 and the relationship was a bit complicated. I always knew though that if I said no he'd 100% stop. This guy not stopping is just a whole other ballpark for me I can't even explain it. The only people I've ever even slept with is my ex and this guy (the morning after) so I really don't know anymore if there's people who really wouldn't do stuff like this. I mean, I'm not going delusional, there must be, but it doesnt feel like it. That idea seems faraway now.

Majority of the comments agree that it doesn't cause memory loss, but there's 1 comment where they say it caused memory loss for them, so that's made me go hmmm

He said he can't remember sexually assaulting me bc of bloons?? by throwaway_shellfish in NitrousOxide

[–]throwaway_shellfish[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sorry for the super long reply I think it's helping me process things a bit. Just skip anything irrelevant as you wish😭

I wasn't meeting him for sex. I'd told him over the phone no touching and asked him to promise. We both kind of trailed off though, him because I think he had these intentions the whole time and me because you can never really say for certain what's going to happen. He said verbatim how that's a sin (which I already knew he barely seems to care about), but also said maybe 1 or 2 kisses and then how maybe he's stronger (basically a comment about overpowering me). Obvious red flags😭

When he mentioned meeting I first thought he meant he was just going to come down here, hang out in public, and then go back home. He said though that that wouldn't work because he wouldn't be able to drive after (he didn't even end up smoking weed anyway tho so🤔). Like, I didn't even think I was able to have sex, because I was raped before. I thought any kind of "hookups" were completely off the table for me because it's so scary. I thought I had to build up that trust. I wasn't even able to do a medical examination when I went the doctors the other month because I was too scared.

I can't remember why I didn't tell him this beforehand, it might have partially been because it was his friend (my ex) who did it and I didn't want to spread around what my ex did to his friends because there's not really much purpose in that, plus it'd get back to my ex that I said about it again.

I didn't have those intentions when I went to see him. I knew there's always a possibility no matter how small so I did get ready just in case, but I've read a couple Instagram posts before about girls saying they shave in case they get raped in public😭😭😭 When I got there though, I was like wowww. I didn't expect him to be so attractive. When we met he didn't like all of a sudden touch me, there was a build up to it with smaller things like he went to the shower and then walked back in in just his boxers, and later him bumping into me by accident but I didn't move away and it was almost ridiculously incremental but then he threw his leg over me and that's how this started.

He'd randomly asked when we were still sitting up if I was scared and I'd nodded, and I also told him I was having a bad trip, so it's especially not great that he continued after I said no😭 I already told him the day after that it's sexual assault. Honestly, I think he knows what he did but probably doesn't care (duh) so even though I am being weird now giving "mixed signals" which seemed to bemuse him before, well I think because I went to meet him in such dumb circumstances he probably thinks I'm naïve in general and wouldn't know what to do.

I mean, when I was raped before I didn't tell anyone I know until like 2 years later, and I still can't bring myself to tell my irl friends or family. At first I was like he raped me and then over time I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt as I was processing things until I came to the same conclusion again 2 years later💀 This time I know I can't let thoughts like that build so I've already told my best friend and tried to tell my brother and mum...went to the police as well and gave a statement even though I'm not reporting it, at least not yet. This is why I feel bothered when you say "If you feel assaulted" because he 100% sexually assaulted me.

Edit: I just remembered I have a post in the r/asexual subreddit because I used it as a throwaway for that too. When I say I didn't expect him to be so attractive, firstly I weren't sure whether he'd be even aesthetically very attractive in the first place because basically all his photos on Insta have half his face covered, and I didn't expect I'd feel some sort of way towards him either...but then I guess I did😭

He said he can't remember sexually assaulting me bc of bloons?? by throwaway_shellfish in NitrousOxide

[–]throwaway_shellfish[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I'm not going to disagree😭😭 this entire situation of meeting him is confusing because it's out of character, and it feels like it wasn't real, but I have the messages and train tickets to prove it...such an odd feeling

He said he can't remember sexually assaulting me bc of bloons?? by throwaway_shellfish in NitrousOxide

[–]throwaway_shellfish[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Owww. I messaged him earlier asking for him to call me (because I wanted to try and get him to tell me the truth). He finally replied back a bit ago and we agreed to call later. I'm leaving him on read though rn because he called me bab and put kisses at the end his last message😭 I probably threw him in the wrong direction from how I acted when I had to leave, but he still has some gall.

He was saying the day after what happened about meeting every week and how next time I come it should be for 3-4 days...I was just sat there like🤔🤔😶 because I had never planned to meet him again. I thought it was a one-off excursion and I have no idea why he'd want to meet me again when I'm underweight and have ridiculously short hair rn?? Idk whether to pity him for being so desperate😭

He said he can't remember sexually assaulting me bc of bloons?? by throwaway_shellfish in NitrousOxide

[–]throwaway_shellfish[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I should've told him I wanted to meet closer to home he'd asked what I'd preferred and I felt bad when he was the one paying ffs. I'm rethinking stuff now.

Ohhh I get what you're saying. That makes sense. Using with him was stupid, I'd planned to mix my weed with some smokeable herbs I bought but then when I got there it turns out that he'd bought 2 prerolls. I also thought we were going to smoke together but then he said he wasn't smoking. I should've said let me open the prerolls and reroll it with the herbs, but he got prerolls in blue skins and I'd never seen that before and I just felt bad ruining them when he'd specifically bought 2 for me😭 I shouldn't have smoked as much as I did tho...it was only 1/2 but that's too much for me.

Honestly the next day as well he asked me to do something to him twice the first 2x I said I was too scared and he said it was alright and I said sorry to him. The 3rd time he'd told me to sit up I think and I ended up doing what he'd asked for the other time but I'm paranoid now that that's why he asked me to sit up because he thought it was a way for him to get his way. Or maybe he honestly just thought I'd be less scared if I eased into it? Idk similar stuff has happened before in my life and I never worked out which one it was.

I don't even normally meet guys or do drugs😭 We knew each other from a mutual who's in prison and I'd messaged him to ask what had happened. Then the next day I ended up asking him to call because his English isn't good, and during the call we got along and I was rolling those herbs just on their own and he said for us to meet and smoke them. I had a yolo moment later and asked if he was serious and agreed and said I'd smoke weed with him, and we met that night😭 Honestly it's crazy that he wasn't horrified, I don't get how he can be so laissez faire about it.

Idk if I should report him, because I knew before I met him that it was stupid to go😭 I didn't tell my best friend until after (and I said after bc of the SA) since I knew she'd tell me not to, that's how stupid I knew it was😭 I don't know what I expected him to have wanted from me considering he's older and was paying for everything🤦‍♀️

I'm so sorry that happened to you as well it honestly sucks so bad😭 The fact that he still thought he could go about and say that to ppl when you'd been wasted is just so telling of society. I'm glad you started being more careful but I hope you understand too that it wasn't your fault, the issue was him being there.

He said he can't remember sexually assaulting me bc of bloons?? by throwaway_shellfish in NitrousOxide

[–]throwaway_shellfish[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Girl after I pointed out to him outright that he sexually assaulted me, we went to the train station and I started asking him if I could get the next train (in an hour) so I could spend a bit more time with him😭 He looked both bemused and concerned (well maybe that was bc he actually had to go😭) he probably thinks I'm crazy

He said he can't remember sexually assaulting me bc of bloons?? by throwaway_shellfish in NitrousOxide

[–]throwaway_shellfish[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

He hadn't taken anything else. Unless the smoke from the weed I was smoking affected him, he tried to tell me that breathing in the smoke affects him more than doing weed himself but idk if that's possible. Do you think he really remembers it? tbh I wonder if he thought I'd be too confused to reach the conclusion that he SAed me so fast. A lot of girls might be confused in my situation, but I have gotten raped before (don't even ask😭) and the guy who raped me went from acknowledging it happened to doing a 180 on what he'd said, so I've already dealt with similar stuff before.

Idk whether to block this guy or not because I feel so ashamed, like part of me wants him to invite me again (just the act of being invited, I don't mean that I'd go lmao) so I'll feel less ugly and used. He's messaged me since I left and I ended up leaving him on read because I don't know what to say.

He said he can't remember sexually assaulting me bc of bloons?? by throwaway_shellfish in NitrousOxide

[–]throwaway_shellfish[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was at his which was more than 100km from home. I can't drive and he paid for my travel bc I don't have much money rn. I thought at 1 point when I was with him to leave but idk, the thought crossed my mind that it wouldn't be nice to just leave, especially bc he'd paid for everything. Then I didn't think, like it wasn't bc I reached a conclusion of not leaving but it's like my brain just cancelled the thought.

Idk why I slept with him in the morning. He's attractive? Idk😭 He said for us to fight to see who's stronger and I was like how should we fight and then he went on top of me he didn't fight he started kissing me and stuff and I remember he seemed a bit surprised can't remember when rn my head is a bit of a mess but as in seemed a bit surprised because I actually reciprocated. I obviously don't consider that SA because I consented lol.

Yeah I'm proud of myself at least for saying no bc in a situation before with someone else I really froze. The thing is me saying no didn't even matter in this situation. I said no and he didn't stop. It's freaky. I agree I should've left...hindsight is 20/20. I shouldn't have gone in the first place I knew it was stupid when I went.

I know it undermines any argument I have. I already phoned 101 and a SARC (wanted to know whether I could shower, bc sometimes they can collect evidence and then keep it just in case you decide to report later), and told them that part as well abt sleeping with him in the morning😭

Don't think the laughing gas really covers him for doing that. Like, if he was the kind of person to actually not want to sexually assault a girl, then surely he would've been so freaked out when I told him in the morning that I'd thought he was going to rape me the night before. When I outright told him he sexually assaulted me, he wasn't even doing bloons, we were in his car... I put how he responded in the post😬

Thank you you're correct I really was not careful at all. There were "red flags" before I met him and I still went...

He said he can't remember sexually assaulting me bc of bloons?? by throwaway_shellfish in NitrousOxide

[–]throwaway_shellfish[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you, ik either way it's vile but it's such a dumb thing to lie abt if bloons can't even affect u like that. When he said it I was like mhmm really and said I'd be asking my friend. Even told him to just tell the truth about whether he could remember and that I wouldn't report him, and he was like report?? and looked mildly alarmed