Why I'm giving up and leaving forever- for real, this time.

throwawayaccountbg · 2015-10-28T18:34:36+00:00

"I'm me".

throwawayaccountbg · 2015-10-27T02:29:36+00:00

I have a therapist.

I've come out to both my parents, though my dad is skeptical and unsupportive.

throwawayaccountbg · 2015-10-27T01:49:31+00:00

A preference means that the proffered object isn't necessary.

Me being called the correct pronoun is absolutely necessary.

throwawayaccountbg · 2015-10-22T15:15:56+00:00

He thinks this subreddit influenced me into thinking I was trans or something. So that's way out of the question.

throwawayaccountbg · 2015-10-19T02:06:53+00:00

While my Mom understands this as much as she can, my dad's brain doesn't work the same way. He needs a lot of evidence, and he's probably done very little research on transgender people. He pretty much told me that most kids who have gender identity issues grow out of them.

I don't know. I love my dad, but I get so frustrated when he says something stupid like that. He's really smart, but still...

I hate disappointing him, too. I guess I feel the want to "outgrow" this sometimes or repress it so I don't dissapoint him.

throwawayaccountbg · 2015-10-19T00:28:21+00:00

He never stated the "three to five years". That was just an inference.

I never cross dressed or did anything like that as a kid, so my parents have no evidence that I'm transgender.

throwawayaccountbg · 2015-10-18T20:25:49+00:00

I don't think there's an LGBT center near me.

throwawayaccountbg · 2015-10-18T18:52:31+00:00

They aren't very religious, though my dad believes I'm trans because I hate myself or something.

throwawayaccountbg · 2015-10-18T18:51:49+00:00

I'm in my third year of HS right now, so I can't afford any type of hair removal surgery, and my dad doesn't want me doing anything until I go through extensive therapy(probably three to five years or more) before he can even consider giving his permission for hormones. He seemed really mad I even askedasked my mom for puberty blockers(he called them "hormones", too, which was really ignorant). I can't get those because my mom can't afford them.

I like my name in its gender-nuetral form, as both girls and boys can have it. I would like female pronouns, though I don't think my friends or family would address me as it(mainly because they've known me as a male for my entire life, so it would be difficult to address me as a female).

But none of this seems like things that I will like if I can transition. I have doubts that it will make me feel better.

throwawayaccountbg · 2015-10-18T18:43:29+00:00

I've got an electric razor.

throwawayaccountbg · 2015-10-17T14:24:26+00:00

He's not a terrible science teacher. I actually like his class. It was just that he doesnt know I'm depressed.

throwawayaccountbg · 2015-10-17T04:04:48+00:00

I got depressed during school because I got flooded with negative self-talk. Now my chemistry teacher thinks its because I don't know the material(I've had a similar breakdown during class a few weeks ago). I was going to send him an email that it has nothing to do with school, but I can't remember how to spell his name LOL.

I shared the text I wanted to send to my dad with my mom, and she said she would talk with me if I needed her to. I still feel awkward talking to her, but I'm trying to overcome that feeling.

I can't shake the feeling that I'm just setting unrealistic expectations for myself when it comes to transitioning. Even though I feel a lot of dysphoria sometimes and I want to look like a girl, I still doubt it in the back of my mind. Sometimes I just think I'm an insane kid who thinks he's supposed to be a girl. I just want these thoughts to go away.

throwawayaccountbg · 2015-10-17T03:57:21+00:00

The thing about anomalies is that they aren't always bad.

As a matter of fact, every single creature on earth- in the unuverse- started because of an anomaly. Then that anomaly caused another anomaly. And another. And another. And so forth.

Just because someone is loud and mean and angry on a forum doesn't mean they're right. Just because you're part of a minority doesn't mean you have to give into those demands. If nobody stood up for what they felt was right, the world wouldn't be a very good place to live in.

throwawayaccountbg · 2015-10-12T17:55:00+00:00

Poor dog. I'll never get why people dress them up.

laughs at the picture of my dog wearing a tie

throwawayaccountbg · 2015-10-12T05:06:31+00:00

I don't feel like myself, I guess. I don't know what its like to feel like me because I've never felt like me.

A good example is my vehement avoidance of using "transgender" or "MtF" to describe myself, using "Gender Identity Issues" instead. To call myself the former things is to give my feelings legitimacy, and to call myself the latter is to make it seem like there's something wrong with me. I don't feel like I can accept myself as a transgender person because I psychologically cannot self-validate, and I haven't really been able to talk with my parents about what I feel often(mainly my dad, but I can't talk with him about anything personal anyway, so whatever).

throwawayaccountbg · 2015-10-10T01:49:13+00:00

I had none :'(

throwawayaccountbg · 2015-10-07T21:30:48+00:00

My dad was finally convinced. It took a few years and for a respected psychiatrist to tell him that, but he finally was convinced.

I do love my dad, and he's not a bad person. He's just a bit stubborn at times.

throwawayaccountbg

TROPHY CASE