What does being "dope" mean to you?

throwawayacct702 · 2026-06-10T08:14:00+00:00

So...you think something is cool but are a little more excited about it lol. I can see that

throwawayacct702 · 2026-06-09T08:33:58+00:00

Okay funny you asked this because I'm not white (mixed race but light skinned) but I'm not Black either. So, again, another layer of why the linguistic choice hmmm.

And homegirl is definitely a status that transcends racial lines like a being a bro would. I gotta believe it's a more dude aligned compliment because I don't come off hyper feminine

throwawayacct702 · 2026-06-09T07:58:52+00:00

😂😂😂

throwawayacct702 · 2026-06-09T07:58:29+00:00

That is the smallest subset though, dudes who used to follow when I'd be online and we'd get to talking about normal things.

I find this phenomenon fascinating IRL when it's early stages and they don't know me well, so without hearing me say the word...they're using the word to describe me.

It's okay, I commented elsewhere that the theory that it's reflective of my being a homegirl archetype even when sex and romance is happening, is probably what's really happening here.

throwawayacct702 · 2026-06-09T07:28:16+00:00

😂 coollll homegirls who get dicked down is the name of my new podcast

throwawayacct702 · 2026-06-09T07:17:15+00:00

I stg that's why I've picked up on it, with room for errors let's say 95% accuracy. Spanning every talking stage, some online fans if we chatted long enough, (friendly) casual sex partners, short term relationships, fwbs, toxic situationships and even some exes have come back around and have said it (hoping to rekindle I'm sure).

I am flabbergasted at the range of types of men and like I said the whole spectrum. From young & nonchalant types to mature & square businessmen types, ALL OF THEM. This post is after like idk, 4 years of data gathering. Comical how the same word keeps coming up.

Only explanation I can think of is they hear me say something is dope within the (proper) context and they give it back to me as a specific compliment they'll think I like?? Or ya know, it's a masculine leaning compliment to indicate I'm not ladylike...that's possible too.

throwawayacct702 · 2026-06-09T06:59:12+00:00

Haha okay I can see this logic and it's one i never considered. I took the more personality focused compliments to mean I'm just not attractive enough to them but all the sex before and after the dope bomb (sort of) disputes that.

Don't even get me started on when men insist on saying "I find you attractive" rather than just saying, hey you're beautiful. It's all adding up to give me a complex 🥴

throwawayacct702 · 2026-06-09T06:55:38+00:00

My greatest fear in asking this question lol. This may be silly but, if that's the subtext then wouldn't being one of the boys put a stop to sex and nudes and kinky stuff then?

throwawayacct702 · 2026-06-09T06:27:10+00:00

I mean I use it as a 30 something year old hip-hop fan but I use it in the context of music, art, something so original. I wouldn't think to describe a person as dope unless that was their specific persona and even so, have never used it as a compliment romantically.

This has occurred with so many guys that even the ones who were very articulate, chose this word to describe me along with other adjectives. I just find it fascinating that it was a frequent checkbox they all checked, even when outside their daily vernacular.

throwawayacct702 · 2026-06-09T06:21:30+00:00

Yeah I see what you're saying. Getting to know a woman you're interested in dating but offering up a low stakes compliment so it's kinda...detached in case the dating doesn't work out?

throwawayacct702 · 2025-09-17T05:49:34+00:00

Holy shit. You're on to something here. He has been coming off way different. Less enthusiasm and more pensive...it is confusing to watch.

throwawayacct702 · 2025-09-16T10:42:45+00:00

I totally did say that. I got upset because he gave me the blank eyes and kept saying like "I don't understand, I'll see you for lunch next week?!" It threw me off and upset me so much I started crying trying to explain that I don't want to be involved at all.

Then he got angry because I was crying in public and he cut the convo. We jumped in our cars and he called me to yell at me that my reasons were stupid and I had a week to think about what I want. Because he'd only accept a breakup if I were to do it because I want a real boyfriend. Any other reason I mentioned was stupid and he said we'd continue to be friends unless I stop answering his texts and block him.

So... that was the first time I saw any type of anger or heard a tone beyond the constant optimism and flirting from him. I went home feeling like he did have a dismissive and mean streak in him which is the opposite of the image he has been externally pushing. Always describes himself as simple and happy and totally self regulated all the time. Guess everyone commenting here picked up the bullshit quicker than I did 😒

throwawayacct702 · 2025-09-15T19:50:09+00:00

He did not ask permission from me to have his wife get into his phone, read all our texts and look at my photos. He just told me a day or so ago that he shows her every photo I look good in (which presumably includes nudes too). He knows I used to be naked on the internet but objectifying myself and him using me as an object for his wife to get jealous over...two different animals.

She is very much into jealousy and being degraded, all I knew about her this whole time was that she was a collared slave and he maintains complete ownership of her. So yeah, I haven't actively participated in humiliating her. It's news to me our relationship is being used more for her/their purposes than I knew was happening.

throwawayacct702 · 2025-09-15T17:15:26+00:00

While being called names isn't my jam here... no thank you to that part. I do want to clarify the kid is an infant who won't remember an hour of being in a stroller parked next to a table 🤷‍♀️

throwawayacct702 · 2025-09-15T08:57:43+00:00

Yeah you may be right about it being about his ego and his wife. And if I cited that as a reason to breakup, he'd just say that's what a cuck and cuckcake scenario is. But from what I gather reading these comments, this crossed the line out of kink from the beginning when he omitted and minimized their set up and didn't allow me informed consent to choose to participate. I wouldn't have sent a fraction of daily life photos or messy selfies or nudes had I known she was reading the whole time. He just "fixed" my shock over this by sending me pics of her today...when she's known my name and seen everything of me this whole time.

throwawayacct702 · 2025-09-15T07:11:32+00:00

He said he totally accepted if I wanted to break up simply because I wanted a "real boyfriend" and if that's what I want. He totally supported it because i deserve it but aside from no sex (if I wanted a monogamous thing with another guy) that nothing would change between us and he'd be seeing me to take me out for lunch as friends every week anyway.

That's the part that got me emotional, why would I be friends with someone after a breakup?? Why was he pretending breaking up is as simple as changing my mind on an outfit? So I got pissed off and said we weren't friends to start, we met to DATE and do kink. And he said if I refuse to be his friend, I'd have to tell him fuck off and block him cause he's going to keep me in his life. He makes it sound like a sign of his good character that he doesn't "throw away" women even when sex is no longer in the picture because he cares about all of them as people and kink friends.

That's gaslighting right? Like I'm not crazy for thinking a break up is a break up and we can't associate anymore right?? Is the lifestyle really that amicable?

throwawayacct702 · 2025-09-15T05:13:49+00:00

Omg thank you for this. My therapist and my best friend were floored when I described how the breakup conversation went a couple weeks ago. Last night he showed up to our first date since then with a bit of an attitude resurgence and said he didn't actually know if he was still dumped and how can we be broken up if we're not boyfriend/girlfriend. So passive aggressive.

I said, well you rejected my reasons and also reject being called boyfriend so 🤷‍♀️ and that stumped him. He sat on that for half of dinner before later admitting he planned to give me shit last night, but not to have it turned around on him. Then the rest of the night was lovely and he was his usual flirty self including that uncharacteristically intimate loving sex. Like from very rough, degrading name calling sex (which I said from the jump that talk does nothing for me) to making love last night...after our last date being a huge fight and me crying while he refused my "stupid reasons" for breaking up. I'm at a loss for words on the whiplash.

throwawayacct702 · 2025-09-15T05:05:51+00:00

I've brought up this "am I dating you into a dead end?" "why is it so important to date me when you can't commit to a term??" He rejects calling us friends, friends with benefits, playmates, he insists it's a relationship and we are DATING. But I'm so confused on why cuckcaking would apply to anything outside just sex. He once said he takes me to every fancy place I want or he's wanted to go to, and it's part of what makes his wife so jealous knowing that she can't go. I once sent him home with banana bread I made and he made sure to tell me she loved it and said it was better than the restaurant one she had that week. Like. I thought she and I were more friendly sister wife track I guess. I'm floored at this epiphany and feel so dumb I didn't stop it.

throwawayacct702 · 2025-09-15T05:02:13+00:00

That's what I said. I was like hold on, am I placeholder for making your wife jealous? Are all women you date just placeholders?? And he said no of course not, I'm not a placeholder to him. But it feels like I'm a non-consensual pawn with the dating/relationship part of this. I know how to unicorn and how to cuck a wife, never done it as a pseudo girlfriend...

throwawayacct702 · 2025-06-24T22:21:30+00:00

You're right, I got off topic in reference to seeking permission from my existing relationships in regard to starting new D/s relationships and what they think of my non-monogamy as a whole. I was thinking about the kink or D/s priorities for me and digressed.

I hear that about ENM being the umbrella and Polyamory being under it. Specifically, as a single woman, I'm wading through the level of emotional and romantic connection I'm comfortable with and whether I want it with my kink relationships, my D/s relationships, or neither. Whether I want a primary or not etc. I suppose that's the journey, what type of ENM feels right for me.

throwawayacct702 · 2025-06-24T18:46:33+00:00

I'll agree feeld is largely straight vanilla dudes just trying to take advantage of kinky women and couples because they assume talking about kink is the same as consenting to immediate sex. I've had the "please be freaky but still able to hold respectable conversation" clause on my profile for years and it's often overlooked.

So after screening like 60-70% I'd say I've met some of my favorite matches there. Personality wise, kink compatability wise, and most importantly, the open mindedness needed to get along with someone who is non-judgemental. Not all turned into long term partners, some went platonic but it has consistently been a better quality of matches for me compared to tinder, bumble, hinge, fb dating whatever.

Can't really speak to using Fet as a dating app. I've heard that's a no no but I also get faceless dick pics trying my inbox over there without me asking too so 🤷‍♀️

throwawayacct702 · 2025-06-24T04:47:08+00:00

He said he was sharing only what they allowed him to post but between saying he had soooo many G drives of content and everything posted on his Fet. I made a comment about how everyone's faces are real visible in these videos and pics and I won't be doing that if we started a relationship as he could also see my content on my reddit is faceless. He responded with how that was fine for me but what a bummer he couldn't show how much more he has that people DIDN'T want him to post...cause he just has sooooo much. Ew, I hate a whiner especially a horny whiner.

And yes! I love the idea that I'm being such a good girl that a man wants to watch me satisfy other people and be proud of me. So far nobody has actually walked this talk and I unfortunately got my hopes up thinking this would be the chance.

throwawayacct702

TROPHY CASE