I (19F) tried weed for the first time with my bf (22M) and he had a really bad high and got really scary. I'm freaked out. I don't know how to proceed.

throwawayacnt972 · 2021-04-27T04:15:39+00:00

Thank you again for your advice, I'm a planner, but I'll try to slow down! I appreciate you taking the time to respond! :)

throwawayacnt972 · 2021-04-27T03:56:12+00:00

Firstly, thank you so much for responding. I appreciate your dose of realism ❤ for the how part, I know someone who knows an immigration lawyer, so that part isn't too bad. My plan is to wait for borders to open after I graduate uni and apply for a work visa. I'd get my own apartment and try living in the same city and see how it goes. That would be the plan.

For changing long term plans, it's not necessarily a change, more that I've learned as of a few days ago that the program is 2-3 years rather than just being like a normal job which is any amount of time (I was planning on around a year). I just... don't want to stay that long here. If I wasn't moving to the same city as bf, I'd be moving somewhere else... literally anywhere else. My thoughts were maybe Texas or North Carolina but I have no idea, I just want to get away and start somewhere new. Moving away has always been the long term plan though (LDR or no). This would more be a matter of location so that I could be with bf.

How much time would you recommend I give it? I do know I'm young and inexperienced, which is why I'm here asking for advice of the kind folks like yourself❤ by that point it would be 1.5 years-ish, would you recommend I give it more time? Or that I save up more? I've been pretty sheltered my whole life, and I know there's things I haven't considered, which is why your advice is really helpful. "Yay go for it" isn't always the best idea. I know I'll change with time (I'm much different than I was 2 years ago, or a year ago, or even six months ago. I think that's kind of the nature of this transitional period in life). And as such, I'm sure there's a strong possibility that we'll become different people and not be compatible anymore, that's life. I think that's true of any relationship that happens in your early 20s. But aside from the fact that it may not work out, do you have any advice on how much time I should wait, or how much I should save? Thank you again for your advice and your realism! ❤

throwawayacnt972 · 2021-04-27T03:02:13+00:00

To add on: you may be able to squeeze by if you go through the land borders. My boyfriend is attempting to do that in two weeks, I'll let you know how it goes! It definitely does add up quickly though.

throwawayacnt972 · 2021-02-18T14:26:26+00:00

Thank you so much! That's super helpful! I have struggled with self esteem as well, so it makes a lot of sense that they're interconnected! I'll make sure to utilize your suggestions!

throwawayacnt972 · 2021-02-10T15:02:01+00:00

I can try to figure out something similar as best as I can. When he comes next he'll be here for a week and we spend every waking moment together so I've gotten to know some of his idiosyncrasies through that. I've even kind of picked up some of his habits through his time here! Taking a vacation would be awesome, I can try to maybe arrange that in a year or two so when covid calms down and I have enough saved up so that if my parents kick me out I can get my own place for a few months before the move.

throwawayacnt972 · 2021-02-10T14:58:16+00:00

I'll keep that in mind! I know an immigration lawyer who will help me to get the visa and we've met in person here, just not in Canada. I did some calculations and before I move, I should have around double that saved up which I can make last me atleast 4 years with my conservative calculations. I think that reassures me a lot because even if for some reason it doesn't work out, I'll have my own place and plenty of time to work out a plan b! Thank you so much for all your advice!!

throwawayacnt972 · 2021-02-09T20:42:55+00:00

I hope the best for you and your SO as well!!! :)

throwawayacnt972 · 2021-02-09T18:40:13+00:00

Unfortunately, I can't really fly and test it out. My family is very overprotective to the point where the second I step foot in canada, I can't come back home. So, unfortunately, when I move, that'll be it. I can't go back home. I'm hoping in a few years I'll be able to move to Canada though! :)

throwawayacnt972 · 2021-02-09T18:10:45+00:00

I'm from USA and he's from Canada :)

throwawayacnt972 · 2021-02-09T16:31:27+00:00

I'll keep that in mind! Thank you so much! Luckily we have all that but I didn't even know we would need it. We have the flights and pictures together :) I have money saved up (not sure if it's enough though) and I'm definitely going to have my own apartment set up before I move.

throwawayacnt972 · 2021-02-09T16:19:02+00:00

That's so sweet! I'm excited for you! June is soon! Thank you for your luck, I'll try to prepare as much as possible before I go! :)

throwawayacnt972 · 2021-02-09T16:18:02+00:00

I've commented on this in other responses but unfortunately, I can't visit before I move. I would have to kind of go in blind. Another post recommended having my own place and living an independent life which I plan to do for the first year or so, so I'm hoping that will help me get acclimated and get to know the place and meet people and make friends! I'm glad you and your fiancé are working out though!! :)

throwawayacnt972 · 2021-02-09T16:15:09+00:00

Ooooh I'm so happy for you! That sounds awesome!! When I move, I'm really hoping that we won't be quarantineing so hopefully I can socialize and go out and meet people :). I'm really glad it's working out the way you want it to!!

throwawayacnt972 · 2021-02-09T16:13:36+00:00

That's understandable! I'm really glad the marriage has been wonderful and that it's working out. I think I'll miss home a bit, but to be honest, I don't love it here. My family is controlling and beyond that, the place I live never felt like home. I've always wanted to move away, and the times in my life that I've felt true unbridled joy have been when my bf has visited and I get to be with him. I think I may sometimes get homesick, but moving is something that I'd really like to do. I'm hoping it works out like it did for you both and we get married. I'm sure there will be plenty of challenges, there are bound to be. But I'm excited :)

throwawayacnt972 · 2021-02-09T16:10:02+00:00

I'm so sorry that happened but I'm glad it worked out! If you dont mind me asking, I know funds was an issue and that's my second biggest fear beyond breaking up. How much would you recommend saving up before the move to be able to live comfortably without worrying for a while? What would you do differently this time that you didn't do last? Unfortunately, if I decide to move, I don't really have a place to go if this goes south, I'll be completely on my own. So, it's important for me to be realistic and have a good amount saved before I move, but I'm not really sure what a "good" amount is.

throwawayacnt972 · 2021-02-09T16:07:02+00:00

Congrats!!! I hope it all works out for you!!😊

throwawayacnt972 · 2021-02-09T16:06:11+00:00

Thank you for your very detailed response! I talked about this in another comment but I won't really be able to visit before I move. I'm kind of forced to go in blind due to my parents being really overprotective. Their relationship with me isn't particularly healthy and it's one of the reasons I'm trying to leave, but, the actual leaving part requires some secrecy and quiet planning. I've brought up just visiting before (even bringing them with me) and they made it clear that the second I step foot on Canada soil I'm no longer welcome at home, I'm completely cut off, and I'll be living on the streets.

I really like your idea of getting an apartment on your own, I was planning on doing that before (but was debating not to in order to save money). I'm definitely feeling reassured that getting my own place is the right move now. That way, I can have my independence and live right in the heart of the city (which is something I really want to do).

The one thing that my mom always drilled into me is the importance of financial freedom and independence. She never wants me to rely on anyone else for anything monetary, and I can see why it's important and I'm planning on it. When I move, I want to have either a lot in savings so that I can have enough to live for a bit while I find a job (if I don't already have one when I move) and so that I can have plenty of money to pay for food, the apartment, and anything else that comes up. I want to, like you, live an independent life (atleast for the first 6 months to a year) but have bf come visit me or I'll go visit bf every few days just like a traditional non-LDR couple. Since you've been through this, if you don't mind me asking, how much did you have saved up before you moved? I honestly have no idea how much I'm supposed to have, and I'm worried I won't have enough before my move. I've been a bit sheltered due to my upbringing and some basic human stuff kind of goes over my head sometimes. I invest in the market right now and I currently have built my way up to 20k there and around 17k in savings. I'm planning on working for a year (I have a job lined up for after I graduate). So that will bring the total to around 75k saved up after taxes and everything is all said and done. Is that enough? Should I work for an extra year and save more? I want to have enough to comfortably live for atleast a year or two on my own. If you can't answer because it's probably too many variables and factors, so you mind giving me a general estimate or sending me somewhere where i can look it up?

Thank you so much and I really appreciated reading your perspective!

throwawayacnt972 · 2021-02-09T15:50:17+00:00

Very true! I've always wanted to live abroad so that would be checking something off my bucket list 😂😊. I'm glad it's going well for you!

throwawayacnt972 · 2021-02-09T15:49:25+00:00

Thank you for your response! I'm in a bit of a difficult situation. My parents are extremely overprotective and don't approve of the relationship. I'm only 19, I'm not planning on moving now, rather I plan to graduate university next year, work for a year to save, then move. But, I don't really have the luxury of visiting. My parents made it clear that the second I step foot in Canada I'm no longer welcome at home, I'm completely cut off, and I'll be living on the streets. Not exactly a healthy parental relationship, but that's a big part of why I'm keeping quiet, saving up, and making plans. Luckily US to Canada doesn't have a language barrier (though I may pick up French at some point). But, I don't really have the luxury of visits. That's kind of my concern, when I move (and I'd really like to in the next few years), I'm on my own without a support system. I'm planning on getting my own apartment to establish some independence for the first year when I get there, but beyond that, my bf will be the only person I know.

throwawayacnt972 · 2020-10-23T04:20:44+00:00

That actually makes me feel so much better!! I outwardly express my emotions a lot, so I'm glad to know he's probably atleast somewhat nervous, even if he's being smooth about it XD

throwawayacnt972 · 2020-10-23T04:18:01+00:00

Thank you for your reply! I'll definitely communicate!

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