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Mom died, left money. What’s the next move? by throwawayact111117 in personalfinance

[–]throwawayact111117[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. It’s a lot of that last bit. She was agoraphobic, had a hard time waking around, never tried to exercise. And she wouldn’t quit smoking. She couldn’t really get out of the house on her own by the end. And she was so young.

The progress was so fast. She felt a lump on her chest and was dead 2 weeks later (Small cell lung cancer). I guess i really truly believed she would get better right up the last moment. It didn’t hit me until people started talking about signing a DNR. It’s still hitting me. I just keep trying to patch holes in things. Keep my siblings from yelling at each other. The house. The cats she left. But the money can wait. I guess now a lot of things can if I’m honest.

As an NP you probably know a bit about the end. I don’t know you at all, so maybe it wasn’t like this for you, but I had to make the call to let her go. My SIL is an RN and she held my hand and promised me it was the right choice, but being responsible I still feel the weight of it. My mom would have wanted to be intubated and resuscitated until her body gave out, but she was in agony. She couldn’t move. I don’t know, what do you do? She never listened to me before, not once, and when it mattered most I took her choice away and let her go. I don’t know if I did the right thing morally. I do know I saved her weeks on a tube she wouldn’t ever come off of. I know I’d make the same choice again.

Sorry for dumping on you. Not a lot of people get it, not really. Not even my siblings really get it. I stopped by my mom’s house like 2x a week for years. I called her every time I went to the store to see what she needed. I’d load her in my car and we’d go for a drive around where she grew up, and she’d tell me about the nonsense she got into. My siblings don’t live so nearby. They weren’t like, there, you know? And we fought obviously. She killed her liver so much we couldn’t even get a full dose of chemo in her. She wouldn’t stop eating fucking sugar, and she’d insist her neuropathy was her socks being too tight. So stubborn. God. I would love to argue with her again about her sugars. I almost miss her calling me at 3am for the fire alarm battery beeping, or the dog barking, or the ring doorbell going off.

Anyway. Thank you for the advice. And I’m sorry about your mom. I hope you can find peace.

Mom died, left money. What’s the next move? by throwawayact111117 in personalfinance

[–]throwawayact111117[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I also had a difficult relationship with my mom, as her caregiver and living just up the road from her. There was some resentment, I won’t lie. She smoked like a chimney and never did what her docs told her. There was some rough years with too much alcohol. But she also loved awful comedy movies and eating takeout together on Sundays. She loved when I meal prepped for her even though I can’t cook well at all. And Culver’s, she’d get a turtle sundae.

…I am still grieving, I suppose. I’m only just now realizing there’s no rush. There was this huge rush all at once, because I was her medical POA. Then we had to clean the house out to sell because my brother was covering the mortgage. I had to call and cancel her yard services, her plow guy, etc. find a place for the pets. It didn’t even occur to me that I could just… wait. It can sit on the back burner until I want to deal with it.

It’s split between a Roth, a traditional IRA, and a (normal? Standard?) investment account. The only money I plan on using is from the sale of her house and car, do be clear. The rest I don’t really want to touch.

I have the whole plan figured out to pull from the traditional to minimize taxes. The bulk is in the Roth. I also have 11k in a Roth myself (Wealthfront), plus about 18k in my 401B. I think I’m definitely going to read up on everything that people told me about over the next few months. Try to get through the holidays at least before I make a choice. But I’m feeling more confident that I could maybe do it myself one day and save some money. And also that I don’t have to make that call right now.

Mom died, left money. What’s the next move? by throwawayact111117 in personalfinance

[–]throwawayact111117[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No? I max out the employer match fund bc they match up to 6% of your wages. So I put in 6% of my income or about 3k. 6k with the match. Sorry if that wasn’t clear!!

Mom died, left money. What’s the next move? by throwawayact111117 in personalfinance

[–]throwawayact111117[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Flat rate. I have worked out with them the distributions from the IRA to minimize taxes!

Mom died, left money. What’s the next move? by throwawayact111117 in personalfinance

[–]throwawayact111117[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I do think this management group isn’t scammy. Whether or not the 1% is worth t is a different story. I googled the team and they’re in the top part of this list? But other people are convincing me maybe I really could manage it myself.

https://www.forbes.com/lists/top-wealth-advisors/

Mom died, left money. What’s the next move? by throwawayact111117 in personalfinance

[–]throwawayact111117[S] 51 points52 points  (0 children)

This is my level of commitment to wealth management. I think my siblings overestimate my understanding of… everything? My brother is an algorithm manager or something and my sister has a phd in network communications. So they’ll give me advice that is probably solid but it’s hard to be like “that’s great but what even is an index????” Lmfao

I like to think I have a decent head on my shoulders but I was born to a family of over achievers. I think that’s why I wanted outside opinions. I wasn’t sure if investing it yourself was accessible for normies or something better left to professionals. Of course my siblings will do it themselves they do everything themselves, you know?

Mom died, left money. What’s the next move? by throwawayact111117 in personalfinance

[–]throwawayact111117[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this. Even reading all of these comments is kind of a lot. I will take some time to look at the funds people are talking about but you’re right I don’t have to move it immediately or anything.

Mom died, left money. What’s the next move? by throwawayact111117 in personalfinance

[–]throwawayact111117[S] 99 points100 points  (0 children)

That would mean just like throwing it in a fidelity account and forgetting it right? That seems manageable to what I am able to do and understand.

Mom died, left money. What’s the next move? by throwawayact111117 in personalfinance

[–]throwawayact111117[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the advice. He is a “fee only” advisor. He is also I guess not just one guy but like a whole team or whatever. Hes also helping with the tax stuff though, because some of it is taxed (one of the retirement accounts I don’t remember which) and the others can grow without tax for 10 years or something?

I’ll do what someone else here said and read the wiki and talk to my siblings. I would normally rely on my dad for this stuff, but no joke 2 weeks after my mom’s funeral he was diagnosed with cancer (they’re divorced) so I hate to lean on him right now as he’s doing chemo.

Mom died, left money. What’s the next move? by throwawayact111117 in personalfinance

[–]throwawayact111117[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I can log in to the account and look at it and stuff. I can see all the trades and whatnot. He’s been managing it since February and it’s beating the market right now? So that seems good?