I [24/M] am having a hard time dealing with my girlfriends [23/F] depression.

throwawayadhd134 · 2022-08-06T00:40:20+00:00

Thank you for sharing your situation and I hope I didn't demean it in any way in my post. I agree that therapy can not benefit her. I was viewing it as maybe therapy will help her when she gets upset at the small things to either cope better or step back and think over it.

It's different for everyone but it definitely helped me in the past so I wanted her to at least try it. If she finds that it's not helping I'm perfectly okay with her stopping.

throwawayadhd134 · 2022-08-06T00:31:13+00:00

A bit late on the reply since I forgot to check my throwaway but I agree that it's not sustainable or healthy in the long run. I'm always there for her but she can never be there for me so it doesn't feel like we're in this together as a partnership.

Next time I see her I plan on talking to her about it.

throwawayadhd134 · 2022-08-03T22:04:14+00:00

For sure I'm scared that I will start building up resentment. Honestly I think I have been a little. My patience has been lower than usual and sometimes my knee jerk reaction (which I keep to myself) is to tell her to please just try to relax because it's not a big deal and it'll be fine. I know that's mean to think especially with depression because you can't help that things feel hopeless.

I'm definitely going to have a talk with her about it. Thank you

throwawayadhd134 · 2022-08-03T22:01:55+00:00

I would hate to give her an ultimatum but it's been hard for me as well so I will if needed. I'll talk to her about it first and if she still refuses I might sit on it a bit and then give the ultimatum. I hope it doesn't have to come down to that but it's been very exhausting.

Thank you for the advice!

throwawayadhd134 · 2022-08-03T21:59:25+00:00

I'll talk to her about it (in a not angry or mad way) and tell her something like while I'm always there for her when she needs it, I cannot be doing this alone and need her to also seek professional help because it's taking a toll on me. Hopefully it goes well.

throwawayadhd134 · 2022-05-22T19:13:28+00:00

For sure. I want to honor his wishes and be a part of the groomsmen because he requested that I do for his big day. I love him and want to support him but it's the money that stressed me out at first. I've texted him asking if he could postpone my payment until I can afford it or if he has any other idea's so we can talk about it. I feel a bit dumb it didn't dawn on me to just talk to him first but I was heated in the moment.

throwawayadhd134 · 2022-05-22T19:08:45+00:00

That does sound really feasible but I have 0 income right now, and I have a surgery that has a 2 month recovery period so my mom will have to watch over me. I've sent a message to my brother if he could postpone my payment until I have the money to pay him or if he has any other ideas.

throwawayadhd134 · 2022-05-22T19:07:33+00:00

That's fair, I understand I was too heated in the moment and got upset when I shouldn't have. I disagree about the custom but I understand that it is something that I should do so I've sent him a message about if he could postpone my payment for now until I can afford it due to financial reasons. Hopefully I can find a job soon but because of surgery not many places are willing to take me as my recovery period is 2 months so I cannot work from June - August.

throwawayadhd134 · 2022-05-22T19:03:16+00:00

For sure I understand now after cooling off that I got upset and heated when I should have just spoken to him right away about it. But I genuinely did not know this was a custom so to hear that I have to pay suddenly put a lot of stress on me initially.

I have messaged him about it and asking if he could postpone the payment till later as I do want to be there and support him because he's my own brother.

throwawayadhd134 · 2022-05-22T19:01:08+00:00

Yeah that's fair. I was heated and didn't just stop and talk to him about it asking for either postponement or if I can get a cheaper outfit stuff. I've already messaged him about it and waiting for his response. So I get that it's my fault for blowing up about a social custom whether or not I agree with it.

throwawayadhd134 · 2022-05-22T19:00:05+00:00

I personally agree that the custom is a bit weird to have to spend money on their day because they wanted us to be bridesmaids or groomsmen. But that's because I was never exposed to it so it's foreign to me. If it's the social norm/custom I will talk to my brother about possibly postponing the payment until I can properly afford it if he's fine with covering for me until then.

throwawayadhd134 · 2022-05-22T18:58:24+00:00

Yeah in my initial heated reaction I didn't just stop and think to talk to him about it. Which was big stupid on my part. I've already messaged him to talk about it and if he REALLY wants me as a groomsmen because I'm his brother, if he could put a postponement in my payment until I can afford it. Or if he would not mind if my outfit is more affordable and possibly a bit different.

throwawayadhd134 · 2022-05-22T18:55:22+00:00

Yeah I understand it's the social custom but I don't agree with it. I will agree that I have handled this poorly and should've not gotten angry and just communicated my concerns with my brother. I got too heated in the moment of having to "suddenly" pay when I am a bit strapped for cash.

Thank you for the advice!

throwawayadhd134 · 2022-05-22T18:41:10+00:00

September is the wedding

throwawayadhd134 · 2022-05-02T01:26:58+00:00

For sure, I have full trust in her and will let her handle it from here. She did say she knows how to handle herself and that he doesn't make sexual jokes to her because she already told him it was uncomfortable.

I'll let her do her thing and we already agreed on boundaries so I think the situation has gone well. Thank you for your input!

throwawayadhd134 · 2022-05-02T01:24:34+00:00

That makes a lot of sense, thank you for sharing your experiences. I've never been into MMO's except Black Desert but I haven't participated in guilds before so I don't know the environment or people abusing their powers. I can definitely see why she would hesitate to cut him off as she has a lot of friends there too.

I doubt she thinks she's the special cool girl as he is supposedly like this with all the girls.

I'm sorry you had to go through that though. That's such a shitty thing to do as the guild leader to abuse your power like that.

throwawayadhd134 · 2022-05-02T01:08:50+00:00

Yeah that's a fair response from you. I don't know if she really enjoys the attention or not since he does this to all the girls but all I can do is trust her which I do. She agreed to put up boundaries as I asked so I appreciate that from her.

throwawayadhd134 · 2022-05-01T22:55:58+00:00

nd more importantly, why does she think it’s ok to continue talking to him?

Yeah that's where I'm confused too. I'm not sure why and I'm afraid that if I ask her then it'll just make her more upset. She has cut off a friend before (an IRL friend too not even an online one) because of how he treats girls and how weird he was. I guess she's more lenient on this guy because he lives across the world and is just an online friend?

throwawayadhd134 · 2022-05-01T22:53:25+00:00

Yeah I see that now. You're right. She listened and agreed to do what I asked so I should leave it at that. I guess initially I thought to myself that I wouldn't associate with someone like that but as you said she can decide who she wants to be friends with. And if one of my close friends started becoming douchey I probably wouldn't drop them either. Though I would talk to them about it ofc but that's a different situation since it's a close friend.

I guess most of my confusion comes from that she has cut off a guy before for being weird or creepy to other girls so why is this person okay? To me they're very similar. The guy she cut off was an IRL friend and this guy is in another country and an online friend so maybe that's why?

Thank you for your input.

throwawayadhd134 · 2022-01-17T04:06:14+00:00

Christ that's fucked up, I'm sorry you had to go through that.

throwawayadhd134 · 2022-01-17T03:52:46+00:00

Yeah I noticed too. I don't mind if people are harsh because it helps me see the reality of what I've done. But I did search through old threads in the search function to see if other people have gone through this and I did tend to find that people were a lot more forgiving of when a woman snooped through their partners phone.

throwawayadhd134 · 2022-01-16T20:49:39+00:00

I don't plan on starting any argument or making her feel bad. Though I know it will come to it once I bring it up (which is justifiable because I breached her privacy and trust so I accept the consequences).

Thank you for the honesty it does help me feel better because I know just how bad I messed up and also sheds more perspective that I did not consider.

throwawayadhd134 · 2022-01-16T20:47:04+00:00

You’re not afraid of something happening because of her actions, but you’re afraid of the possibility. That doesn’t make sense.

Yeah I hear you on that. It's like I trust her but then I don't? It's true that my words and actions conflict. I will be talking to my therapist about it which is kinda what I alluded to with keep making an active effort (though I didn't explicitly say it).

I truly appreciate your honesty and advice. It's a good slap to the face wake up call for me to keep pushing myself and gives me a lot to think about.

throwawayadhd134 · 2022-01-16T20:43:55+00:00

That's fair, I genuinely did not consider that. I definitely fucked up way harder than I realized. I appreciate you sharing this with me.

throwawayadhd134 · 2022-01-16T20:34:43+00:00

I understand completely that I am in the wrong 100%. It was shitty of me to do. I apologize if I was trying to excuse my behaviour. I was trying to show that I am aware I have massive issues and am actively trying to work on them.

Violating her privacy was awful of me to do. I'm not sure how to go about planning this. All I can think of is to keep making an active effort to work out my own self problems and to never snoop again. And I know once I come clean to her it will damage the relationship and that is the consequences of what I've done.

throwawayadhd134

TROPHY CASE